Just Life
BY OMOLIGHO UDENTA
IO, what are you doing, Mummy?’ she asked. ‘Hmmm?’ ‘I said what are you doing?’ ‘Oh,’ I lost my train of thought. ‘Ehm, I was trying to write an article.’ ‘Okay,’ she dragged the word, saying it ever so slowly. ‘Is it for your “Guardian”?’ ‘My dear it’s not my “Guardian” besides the article is actually for the ‘Life’ magazine. which is inside the main paper on Sundays. This is in fact the 200th edition I am writing for.’ I tried to get back to what I was doing. ‘Two hundred? That’s plenty, plenty oh! I can’t even imagine it but I can count up to it! Should I count it for you, even up to 500?’ she asked but I shook my head. ‘I can hardly imagine it myself.’ I said. ‘It is almost like yesterday when I wrote the first one and here we are with the 200th edition.’ ‘Did you write 200 articles?’ her eyes opened really wide. ‘Well actually no, I didn’t.’ ‘But why?’ It was easy to see how disappointed she was though I can’t say why. ‘Well, sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes, when some things happen in my life I find that I just can’t make it, I can’t settle down to write.’ ‘Some things like what?’ she asked. ‘Well, remember the time when we were burgled and the thieves stole our laptops? I just couldn’t write that week because I was so shaken up by the experience. Besides, I had no laptop to work with.’ ‘Was that the only time you didn’t write an article?’ ‘No, there was the time we travelled to the east and then the time you were ill, when you had those 15 boils on your face and about the same number on your scalp and we had to take...’ ‘I don’t want to remember that time, oh!’ We both laughed. I LOVE celebrating anniversaries as my long-suffering husband will tell you. We (though I must admit that I handled all arrangements, all he had to do was appear) celebrated our first day, first week, first month, first three months, first six months, first nine months and first 12 months anniversaries. The 18th of each month was celebrated even though I concentrated mainly on the above stated days. So you can be sure I’ll find a way to celebrate this 200th edition. I can’t tell you how amazed I am that there have been 200 editions of The Guardian Life spread over 3.846 years. A lot has happened in this time and the best of them all has got to be the two kids I have been blessed with. But I am grateful for all that has happened good or bad. I am also particularly appreciative of all who have responded to my articles and written back. I can only hope that we all will still be together in 3.846 years when we celebrate another 200 editions! omoudenta@yahoo.co.ukLife o Life!BY BIMPE
ADEBAMBOIt’s been 200th time. Sure, you have learnt and been inspired by the fashion pages of the magazine these past 199 editions! Okay, this is not a history lesson. I’m going to run a number of fashionable quotes by you so you can drop them at will and use where appropriate just make sure they are not used fashionably late or quoted out of context! Here we go:• Fashions fade style is eternal. Coco Chanel• Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful. Sophia Loren• What you wear is how you present yourself to the world, especially today, when human contacts are so quick. Fashion is an instant language. Miuccia Prada• Fashion can be bought. Style one must possess. Edna Woolman Chase• The more you know the less you need. Aboriginal saying.• One is never over-or under dressed with a little black dress. Karl Lagerfeld• I have often said I wish I had invented the blue jeans: the most spectacular, the most practical, the most relaxed and nonchalant. They have expression of modesty, simplicity I hope for in all my clothes. Yves Saint Laurent.• Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. Leornado Da Vinci.• Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world. Bette Midler• Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on the society. Mark Twain• It’s not money that makes you well dressed, it’s understanding. Christian Dior• Costume, hair and makeup can tell you instantly , or at least give you a larger perception of, who a character is. Colleen Atwood.• One should either be a work of art or wear a work of art. Oscar wilde.• Know, first who you are; and then adorn yourself accordingly. Epictetus• You never get a second chance to make a first impression. Anonymous• Isn’t elegance forgetting what one is wearing? Yves Saint Laurent.• In order to be irreplaceable,o ne must always be different. Coco Chanel• Everything you can imagine is real. Pablo Picasso.• Has a woman who knew she was well- dressed ever caught a cold? Friedrich Nietzsche.• Inspiration gives no warnings. Gabriel Garcia Marquezbeampeh2000@yahoo.com
FATE Foundation is one of the most respected and effective not for profit organisations in the country. As it begins the search for the Entrepreneur of the Year 2009, one of the organisation’s officials, Anwuli Ojogwu, opens up to Young and Nigerian the organisation’s work, and of course, plans for young people.
For how long has the award held?
For eight years now. It started in December 2001.
What led to its institution?
The foundation recognised that in despite of the poor economic conditions in the country, there were still entrepreneurs succeeding in their businesses: Entrepreneurs, who had laudable leadership qualities and remarkable achievements, built their businesses from scratch based on high ethical standards, most importantly, made impact in society by creating jobs or enabling people to start businesses. The award was instituted to promote the value of entrepreneurship and celebrate these people. The ceremony also doubles as graduation ceremony, where the organisation showcases its new crop of entrepreneurs.
Past winners of the awards
Frank Nneji, MD/CEO Rapido Group (ABC Transport) in 2002; Abiola Ogunrinde, MD/ CEO, Cosmos Chemicals (Dudu Soap), 2003; Kayode Odukoya, MD/CEO, Bellview Airlines, 2004; Mr. & Mrs. Folu Ayeni, Tantalizers Fast Food, 2005; Nike Ogunlesi, MD, Ruff ‘n’ Tumble, 2006; Ibukun Awosika, MD, Sokoa Chair Centre, 2007; John Momoh, MD/CEO, Channels TV, 2008; Godwin Ehiagiamusoe, ED, Lift Above Poverty Organisation.
Why does it take four months between call for nominations and the award?
The call for nominations is one part of a series of planning stages for the forthcoming award ceremony in December. During the four months, we narrow down the nominations and pick those with the highest number of votes, after which, we submit them to the Fate Model Entrepreneur Award ( FMEA) committee, which does the groundwork or investigations, of matching each nominee against our criteria. It is from that stage that the winner emerges. It is a rigorous process in which we handle meticulously and transparently, for fairness.
Last year’s winner was not an entrepreneur per se, was this as a result of a difficulty in getting nominees?
No. We were not short of nominees. Godwin Ehiagiamusoe, the winner of last year’s FMEA, was nominated along with other profit-based organisations, and he emerged winner. Though LAPO, his company, is a non profit organisation, it is run as a business to ensure sustainability and longevity. The issue about what defines an entrepreneur is quite clear cut— a person who ventures into business, whether for profit or not-for-profit, with the aim to be successful. Ehiagiamusoe won based on his outstanding business credentials.
Apart from these, what exactly made to standout?
It won based on several reasons. First it is business longevity or sustainability. LAPO is a microfinance firm and has been existing for 15 years. It has created hundreds of jobs from Nigeria to Sierra Leone, and impacted on people’s lives by providing finance to enable them start small businesses of their own. His company is also multi-dimensionals, it not only provides capital for people to start their own business, but provide free health and family welfare seminars.
How many entries did you get?
100 entries, spanning Lagos, Ibadan, and even Osogbo, despite the limited publicity.
How many winners have emerged outside Lagos?
One; Ehigiamusoe, from Benin City
The foundation continues to retain credibility in a country where it is easy to lose it — what is most responsible for this?
Our corporate culture, which is defined by our core values: ethics, integrity, service and excellence.
No young person has ever won these awards, what’s responsible?
It is not deliberate. People from different demography voted the past winners. In our bid to get more youth participation this year, we collaborated with The Future Awards.
What are the foundation’s programmes for young people?
We are currently running a programme in collaboration with the International Youth Foundation. It is a Samsung CSR initiative called the Samsung Real Dreams Youth Employability programme. The purpose is to equip them with business skills that will enable them build their own successful businesses. We also have Aspiring Entrepreneur Programme and the Short Entrepreneur Programmes as well.
Do the foundation’s initiatives take Nigeria’s political situation into consideration?
Yes we do. A lot of things are taken into consideration whilst preparing for our programmes every year. We do a lot of research and consult professionals to put together a first-rate training curriculum. We are emphatic that it applies to the Nigerian business climate, especially with our case studies; which are basically Nigerian examples of businesses built successfully.
How exactly do these entrepreneur awards help Nigeria as a nation?
We aspire to set high standards for the kind of leaders that people should embrace and emulate, such as our past winners. Leaders who uphold the tenets of accountability, personal integrity and good ethical practices in their businesses etc.
What do the winners get?
A plaque in recognition of the achievements; free publicity in external and internal publications and a trip to any European country of their choice.
What else is the foundation involved in apart from this programme?
We are an entrepreneurial training school and are fully engaged through out the year with our various programmes.
How is the foundation funded?
It is not- for-profit and is funded by our programmes. Also, there is external funding.
Does the foundation work with government or international organisations?
Yes we do. We work with the government agencies though, and international organisation on different levels. It may be collaborations to train people whom they want to empower or they seek our expertise on an advisory capacity.
Nominations ended recently — after that, what next? What is the process?
We are working towards getting the winner of the FMEA award and preparing for the yearly celebration, which holds on December 3.
What should people expect from this year’s ceremony?
That will be a surprise.
Last year, there were 31 galleries represented in the first ever Nigeria International Art Expo, a joint show between the Arts Gallery Association of Nigeria, AGAN, and the National Gallery of Art, NGA. The second edition, which opened last Saturday and will end today has 36 galleries featuring with participation by Grek Art Gallery from Cotonou in Benin Republic. Over 600 artworks are on showcase in a show that seems set to become a key resource in the tourism potentials of Nigeria. President of AGAN, Chief Frank Okonta of Nkem Gallery, assured that the continuing collaboration with the NGA has assured the gallerists that the Expo will not be shortlived. He also said that the event has given Nigerian gallerists much mileage in terms of exposure to the general public than they had ever been able to garner. At the opening, the Director-General of the NGA, Chief Joe Musa, said that the Nigeria Expo has firmed up Nigerian art on the global stage; “there are many art programmers from across the globe now seeking information on how they can participate in the Expo. We now get more invitations from around the world to bring Nigerian art to their own expos. He assured that the Expo will continue to enjoy support from the government in line with the Public-Private partnership principles of the Yar’Adua government. Meanwhile, an even bigger attendance is expected today at the closing ceremony of the Expo holding in the premises of the National Museum Onikan, Lagos.
BY JUSTIN AKPOVI-ESADE
Sonny McDon’s White Bia Bia factory
ACTOR and producer, Sonny McDon, is fast chasing the award for the most white-bearded personality in Nollywood. Ran into the actor recently and T4T was amazed at how whitish McDon’s bia bia had turned! T4T was forced to enquire if the once popular actor was making-up some white powdery substance to create that look. He cautioned T4T that the bearer of salt does not wish for a heavy downpour. I got the message, but for your information Sonny, I am not in your white bia bia league. However, with the way the actor is going, bia bia-wise, he will soon be a permanent character for a native doctor in coming films.Ejike Vs K.O.K... The Battle Rages … 
LAST week, I deliberately did not update you on the latest in the ongoing Third World War between two Nollywood stars, Actors Guild of Nigeria president, Ejike Asiegbu and another ‘president’ of the guild, Kanayo O. Kanayo. But this is the latest. The Commissioner of Police, Lagos State, Mr. Marvel Akpoyibo, in a bid to check further hostilities that may lead to dem say dem say, has decided to wade into the matter. A meeting was held early in the week, but the gladiators still have their swords fully drawn. K.O.K says he will defend the ‘mandate’ he got from the actors. Ejike on his part is insisting on due process and the rule of law. They are back in the trenches, but Akpoyibo a source said, has not given up hope. This fight is between two elephants; and the grass (other actors) is suffering at the moment. Ran into an actor (names withheld) lamenting last week that he no longer enjoys free booze from either Ejike or K.O.K. Reason? Both fighters deem him an enemy. It is this bad. We shall keep you posted.
Hakeem Rahman’s Panic Attack FORMER ‘president’ of the Actors Guild of Nigeria, Hakeem Rahman, is in the news again. Recall the last time when the almighty AGN Board of Trustees members used Rahman to overthrow Ejike Asiegbu and he became ‘president’ for some weeks (before Ejike countered the coup); well, the actor is in the thick of the ongoing fray between K.O.K and Ejike in related matters.The news is Rahman had a panic attack recently when policemen from Panti division arrested him along other members of K.O.K group, who have chased Ejike from the national secretariat at the moment. A source said he was so jittery in the interrogation room that he asked to visit the loo almost five times in 20 minutes. This reportedly got the interrogating officer worried and asked him if he needed the services of a doctor. It took sometime before the officer realised that Rahman was having a panic attack. Who no get power to do somtin no dey start am at all, na advise I give o o.
Victor Osuagwu’s Very Busy NOLLYWOOD comedian, Victor Osuagwu, is a very busy man at the moment. If he is not on a location in Enugu, he is organising a comedy show in Imo State or shooting commercials for a Chinese motor company and appearing in a newspaper advertisement with head-popping sum from a truck the company is frantically trying to convince Nigerians to buy. That is not the issue. T4T accosted him recently with the busy body nature of his and the need for him to spread some of the goodies got and Victor did not argue. He promptly ordered some spring rolls and pepper laced sauce, some white O’jez Chinese soup, that only Victor gulped down while others stared and bottles of beer (names withheld). Victor has truly arrived, in an era of meltdown in Nollywood, the guy is having it rosy. His tummy is bulging and his friends are afraid he will soon be in need of a tummy-tuck operation. When it comes to that, somebody has volunteered to introduce him to the same hospital where a popular politician did his own some couple of years ago in Germany.Bond Emeruwa’s ‘Cruel’ WHAT shacks, especially awuf, will do to some people cannot be imagined. Movie director and president, Director’s Guild of Nigeria, Bond Emeruwa, was deeply engrossed in downing a bottle of whisky in company of comedy merchant Opa Williams at the VIP section of O’jez last week, that he forgot that somebody was in his car waiting for him. The whisky bottle has been drained almost to the last drop before his mobile phone rang and he recalled he left a friend in the car. Hear him: “Chei! I forgot; this guy will kill me, ah, he is still in the car,” he exclaimed amid thick cigarette smoke curling from his mouth. You see what booze can do to someone? Thank God T4T did not partake in the free booze bonanza. If you like believe say I taste small whisky, na you know. ogbuus@yahoo.com
You know people by the friends they keep, so also, do some fans of notable movie artistes say they know their idols by their career ambitions. Moviedom peeps into the career ambition of some of these celebrities… ‘I love acting. I am happy doing it. I want to get to the top of my career. I want to also keep my body and soul together and to remain God fearing. So, I am looking forward to making it to the top.’ — Louisa Osu (Ireti in Fuji House of Commotion)
‘Actors don’t retire. Death retires them. When I cannot do active acting any more, maybe I will begin to focus more on production, where I will sit down on the chair and direct people. But as long as I am still active, I will concentrate more on acting and teaching.’ — Norbert Young
‘I’m working on my second film. We are also launching the film directory website in October, which will feature the directory online, entertainment news, interviews, events, jobs, chat rooms and much more. The website is all about creating a film community and coming together for a common goal of taking the industry to new heights. There is so much on my career plate and I would just allow it to drop off as I am ready.’ — Michelle Bello (Producer and director, AMAA Award winning ‘Small Boy’)
‘I just want to be a good ambassador of Nollywood. I want the generation of filmmakers coming after me to use my works as reference points when they are working. My husband and I have a strong passion to take Nollywood to the level, where producers and investors in mainstream Hollywood would come over to Nigeria and work with us. It’s not easy to achieve because people have been saying this same thing for ages, but Daniel and I believe we will achieve it. If you look at our track record and what we have been able to achieve, so far, you will know that we mean business. We don’t shoot our films for the Nigerian market alone. We make movies because we know that someone out there on the streets of Florida will pick it up and make a connection back to Africa.’ — Doris Simeon Ademinokan
‘It’s to get to the very top of my career and remain there.’ — Ladi Joy Tortey ‘I want to sit and edit my own works. I also want to call the shots someday in Moviedom. I will still act and model especially if I get direct booking, but I really want to work behind the scenes in the near future. That’s my dream.’ — Blessing Effiom- Egbe
‘My ambition is to run my entertainment company and to be the biggest in anything that has to do with showbiz. I have thoroughly enjoyed myself being an actor and, so, I will choose acting again and again. It has been rewarding.’ — Leo Mezie
‘I don’t know ... It’s difficult to say. I find it difficult to comment on my ambition since I had that accident. With that accident, I know that you can only say what you want to be, but you don’t have a say how you would become it. So, it is difficult to say. I am going to get to the height of my career and be anywhere God wants me to be. I want to be able to leave a legacy and encourage young people to believe in themselves especially the Nigerian kids. I want their orientation of get-rich-quick to change completely. Hardwork pays. I want to be able to contribute to my society and industry. So, my career can take turns — I might be in politics tomorrow. It’s a free world. Be whosoever you want to be. That’s my motto. As long as there is nothing restricting me, I just move on’. — Stephanie Okereke
‘I have my eyes on God because He is my fortress. I know that if He wants me to hit Nollywood now, He will perfect everything about it. Once my God has willed it, it will come to pass. So, I leave my career ambition to God’. — Ofiafulagu Mbaka
BY ANDREW IRO OKUNGBOWA
FROM October 24 to November 15, Nigeria will be hosting the U-17 FIFA World Cup. The global holds in eight cities across the country namely: Abuja, Lagos, Kaduna, Kano, Bauchi, Calabar, Enugu and Ijebu Ode. In this series, we present a profile of the eight cities starting with Abuja. Dubbed the ‘Centre of Unity’, Abuja was created on February 5, 1976, following the promulgation of Decree 6 by the Murtala-Obasanjo regime. The decision was based on the recommendation of a committee led by the late Justice Akinola Aguda, one of Nigeria’s finest legal minds. The Federal Capital Development Authority (FCDA) was mandated to oversee the infrastructural development of the city. On December 12, 1991, the then head of state, President Ibrahim Badamasi Babangida, formally moved the capital city from Lagos to Abuja. And over the years, the city has witnessed tremendous growth and development, making it the country’s finest city in terms of landscape and architecture. The city has an appealing landscape with a blend of low plains and undulating rocky uplands. A perfect example of the captivating nature of the city is the Aso (Asokoro) rock end from which the seat of the Federal Government of Nigeria derives its name. 
Spanning 8, 000sq kilometers with about 250sq kilometers currently developed, Abuja is the heart of the country in terms of its geographic location, a reason it is referred to as the ‘centre of unity.’ The landmass was carved out from Nasarawa, Kogi and Niger states hence the proximity of the city to these states. Administratively, it is supposed to operate the mayoral system, however, a minister runs its affairs with the Senate (Upper legislative chamber of the National Assembly) of the Federal Republic of Nigeria making laws for its governance. Abuja has about four distinct districts namely: Asokoro, Maitama, Wuse and Central Business Districts with about six local councils – Abaji, Kuje, Municipal, Gwangwalada, Kwali and Bwari. Each has a separate administration. Infrastructure Though the development of Abuja is still on-going, visitors to the city would find it an amazing place to visit and live in. It enjoys a calm ambience devoid of irritant elements that are associated with most developed and developing cities. Foreign Missions There is heavy presence of foreign missions and embassies in the city. Also, some international organisations such as EU and UNESCO have offices here. Checklist of attractive spots The Three Arm Zone: This zone houses the Presidential Villa; National Assembly and Supreme Court. However, these magnificent structures are restricted areas for tour with the exemption of the National Assembly complex that needs due permission for it. The presence of heavy security may appear a hindrance —. Tomb of Unknown Soldier: At the entrance of National Assembly complex is the tomb of an Unknown Soldier adorned in national colours. One of the attractions here is the Brigade of Guard, which is mounted round the clock at the site. Eagle Square: It is an expansive space that is purpose built for hosting different outdoor events. It is fast becoming a spot of important political gathering of the nation’s politicians and the Federal Government. One of the events staged here yearly is the Abuja Carnival, which holds in November. Bullet House: It houses the Federal Secretariat — a massive structure — where most of the federal bureaucrats operate. The Office of the Head of Service, which is the nation’s number one civil servant. So is that of Secretary to the Federal Government. National Children Park and Zoo: The park, which has a plant nursery section where most of the trees planted in the city, are grown, is a pleasing enclave to visit. It boasts of fauna and flora resources. There are also a lot of play toys equipment for children. There is also an eatery within the park for adults and children alike. Millennium Park: It is an open massive garden heavily populated with trees and flowers where visitors and lovebirds can have fun. Maitama Amusement Park: Located in the Maitama district of the city, it is a theme park for leisure and nature walk. Abuja Wonderland: It is another theme park in the city, but with different flavour. Located near the National Stadium, it is perhaps one of the most equipped parks within the city where children and adult can engage in different activities. Its presents a picture of a massive structure that is hewed out of the rocky ranges, which makes it a perfect place to savour nature. National Mosque: It is a national patrimony for Muslim faithful. It’s an outstanding architectural edifice with gold outlay. It stands as one of the landmarks of the city. National Ecumenical Centre: Just like the National Mosque, it is a beautiful structure dedicated for the Christians. It is equally appealing and a must see landmark in the city. Zuma Rock: It is located at Suleja, a fringe of the city. It’s a massive and sprawling rocky range that is believed to have a protean face etched by nature. Nigeria Tourism Village: Run by a private operator, the village, which is located adjacent to the Zuma rock, is dedicated to the preservation of Nigeria’s cultural heritage ranging from architecture to cuisine. NTDC Tourism Village: Located in the old secretariat in Area One, the village, which houses the office of the Nigerian Tourism Development Corporation (NTDC), the body responsible for tourism administration in the country, is an attractive place to behold. 
Besides serving as an administrative place, it is also dedicated to the promotion of tourism, as it has, among others, a gallery; art shop; museum; seminar and meeting rooms; and multi media studio. It also has a restaurant for local cuisine. Others spots include Julie Useni Park; Arts and Craft Village; Nu Metro Cinema; The Dome; National Stadium; ECOWAS Building; IBB Golf Course; and International Conference Centre Places to stay Abuja is one of the cities in Nigeria with a growing number of hotels ranging from budget to luxury hotels. The list include Nicon Luxury Suites, Transcorp Hilton Hotel, Angeles Hotel, Rockview Hotel, Abuja Sheraton Hotel and Towers, Mediterranean Resort, Grace Point Hotel, Chida Guest House, Savannah Suites, Bolingo Hotel, Agura Hotel, Day Spring Hotel and Hotel Rosebud. Others are Bolton White Hotel, Chelsea Hotel, and Crystal Palace Hotel. Dining out For a taste of Nigerian dishes and other continental flavours as well as a place to cool off after the day’s work, the following places should arouse one’s interest; Jenivik Restaurant, Shagalinku, Salamander Café, Chopsticks, Thai Hi Royal, Ciao and Sinoni Restaurant. Southern Fried Chicken, Capital Bar of Transcorp Hilton Hotel and Coconut Beach, Elephant and Lobby Bar and Italian Restaurant of Abuja Sheraton Hotel. Blakes, De Grand Mirage Nite Club, Octagon Nite Club and, Nigerian Tourist Village as well as Two – Four – Seven. Others are Mama Cass, Mr. Bigg’s, Sweet Sensation, Wakkis, Chez Victor, Chase Continental, Savannah Suite Garden and bar, British Council Rooftop café, and Kesthern Garden. Shopping out Wuse Market, Garki Market, Grand Square, Banex Plaza, Amigos, Park ‘n’ Shop and Ceddi Plaza.
BY WOLE OGUNTOKUN
I WAS at the Odeon cinemas with the beautiful and cerebral fly-girl a few days ago (yes, that is the name she uses, at least for her writings, and yes, there are other cinemas apart from the ones situated in the galleria) and the movie we had come to see was The Ugly Truth.
She had waited for me at the train station (some might be wondering what country’s trains I’m writing about) and because I was a few minutes late, she had gone in with two other friends and left my ticket at the entrance.
So, I ran into the cinema hall a bit late and stood to one side until I could locate her.
The movie, starring Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler (Remember 300?) was about some kind of perverse ‘Whisperer’, only he spoke the ‘ugly truth’.
It tells the story of a relationship-challenged television producer who follows the ‘advice’ of the correspondent on her show.
One scene set me thinking in this movie, the correspondent who had gained fame and notoriety for his cynical views on women is asked a question at another television station interview.
The question in my own words ‘Who made you like this?’ The implication was that some woman in a previous relationship must have hurt him deeply and made him develop a shell to protect him from other hurt.
In that line, the movie sent its entire message to me. Often, in our relationships, we are the result of the conflict and troubles we had in prior relationships.
We bring suspicion, fear and unresolved anger into fresh situations because we were burnt badly in a previous one.
This is more common than many realise and what we effectively do is that we let the pain of our past poison our future.
A GIRL who had been deceived many times by some guy she felt she was totally crazy about and then dumped without warning (the truly ‘evil’ ones never give you warning, do they?) goes ‘prepared’ into subsequent relationships.
She gives no quarter and expects none and is totally paranoid which can be a good thing sometimes.
As Andy Grove, head of Intel once said, “only the paranoid survive” but I am certain he was not talking about relationships.
To enter new relationships totally blinded by what you have gone through in times past means you are not giving that new relationship a fighting chance.
It is true that there are people you should be wary of, men and women who play the field; for example, people who send generic text messages (by generic, I mean a text you can be sure has been sent to two or three men or women at the same time).
You know the “I hope your day went well, how are you today” type of message? You do not add a name or any specific-related event that the person receiving can identify with himself or herself.
But this is usually because you need to ‘address’ many partners at the same time. Before this writer got his calling as a Whisperer, he sent similar messages from time to time when he was… ehr…multi-tasking.
Fortunately, his deliverance came (wouldn’t you like to know in what way?) and those despicable things have gone with the wind. It has amused the Whisperer, however, when he has been the recipient of such drivel.
But back to the business at hand and to very good-looking people like the fly-girl. As she and I discussed on a long walk after the movie (and she is very easy to talk to), the ugly truth is that there are people who will not allow trust in subsequent relationships because they got badly burned in one.
It is good to open your eyes particularly if you were left holding the wrong end of a stick in some relationship but you must learn the ability to shake things off and give a good man (or woman) a chance.
People have a tendency to walk in the direction they are facing and so if you have decided you want to open a fresh page, you must give it a chance and face exactly where you would like to go.
I do not write, as an advocate for the male gender, because I know the world is full of people who have no hearts and I also know it is possible to get five straight ‘bads’ in a row.
There are girls who enter relationship after relationship without expectations, without hope, really. They tell you “this is the way men are and there is nothing you can do to make them any different”.
I GUESS the preponderance of evidence might be in favour of these deductions. However, isn’t it perverse to pursue pain?
Why would you enter (and stay) in a relationship where you are sure the other party has no regard for you and will hurt you when he gets the opportunity?
There are those who say (and women are the greatest proponents of this philosophy) that philandering is embedded in the DNA of all men.
Philandering, by the way means making love without serious intentions. The term ‘making love’ does not necessarily mean the physical act if there are any easily offended reading this.
I do not agree, though. I think, men have been conditioned, by mothers, sisters, girlfriends and wives to always want to see what they might get on the ‘outside’. Many women say with a tinge of pride, that their men are ‘road-runners’.
The subliminal message to the man there is that you would be heartily disappointed if he didn’t show how virile he was by doing things with other people.
The Whisperer submits that even though there are many men who are in relationships for the short haul or are busy looking to other tables instead of eating from theirs, there is no reason to be disheartened.
We never know the way the cards might be dealt so we must be careful as we scrutinise all comers.
There is no reason to kick-off a new relationship if you are not absolutely certain of the other person in the equation.
They say life is the number of frogs you kiss before you meet your Prince Charming. I’m hoping you meet yours quite soon.
laspapi@yahoo.com
ADEBAMBO
