BY JUSTIN AKPOVI-ESADE
Wande Coal ‘Watches’ Yaw On Radio
CAN someone please tell Wazobia FM to either take off hip-hop act Wande Coal’s promo on presenter Yaw or edit it? Wande at the end of the skit advised everybody to keep ‘watching’ Yaw (watching on radio o?) every morning. Nice work Wande Coal, but since when did people start watching programme on radio? You need to be flogged, anyway, the hip-hop act has a history of goofs. Wande, at one time, wanted to shower praises on Guinness Nigeria Plc. for their good works on the entertainment industry at an event, but ended up thanking Nigerian Breweries; it took the compere some efforts to whisper to him before he came back to his senses.
Verdict: Wande Coal needs to be frog-jumped for him to be wise.
Ateke Tom: The Leo Mezie connection
YOU will be wondering why I have been on Nollywood star, Leo Mezie’s case for quite some time now, especially since he got married. Well, if you are indeed concerned, then tell Leo to stay at home because as long as he or other celebrities come out, they will be spotted by eagle eye T4T. Last week Friday night, Leo was restless, making calls after calls. Then at about 9.30pm, he raced down the staircase and shortly appeared with some stern looking characters, all looking like actors out of a Marlon Brandon Godfather movie. The bowel of the celebrity hangout stood still as ex-militant and Niger Delta warrior Ateke Tom walked in with his large entourage. The aura of power will make even Goodluck Jonathan go green with envy. In fact, I won’t go into the details of things that followed. So, ex-militants can groove that much? Well, you won’t blame Tom, after years of being in the creeks and fighting; amnesty has made all free and so, it’s time to show the stuff one is made of.
As for Leo, hmmm, I trust he can take care of himself bcos dis new friend wey Leo get so na big frend o o.
... And talkative was in the groove
COMEDIAN Talkative was one of the people that made the Ateke Tom’s groove thick; a knife would have issues cutting through. He was all smiles as expensive drinks and rich food found their way to the reserved table for the former warlord. Who no go smile for dat kain situation?
Talkative and Goodluck Jonathan
ACTING President Goodluck Jonathan is perhaps not the only person that will share from his good luck. Comedian Talkative, reports say, have relocated from whereever he had been hibernating to the seat of power, Abuja, since Jonathan assumed office as ‘Acting President’. It’s no news that Talkative and Jonathan have been enjoying a father/son relationship since the latter’s days as Governor of Bayelsa State. The rumour mill revealed that as soon as Jonathan was announced ‘Acting President’, Talkative was on the plane the next minute to Abuja, of course, with several proposals. One of his oncoming films on Niger Delta first known freedom fighter, Adaka Boro, was top on his brief case. When T4T accosted him last Friday, he denied the report. But there is a noticeable change in his body features since Jonathan became the nation’s top man. Talkative was lean some months ago, but now, he looks as fresh as eja aro (point and kill fish). Advice: Talkie, make hay while the sun shines because your Godfather has just some months on that seat, that is if Yar’Adua and Turai do not pull another stunt like they did with the return from Saudi Arabia. No be me talk o, na amebo people dem o.
E-Money, KC Presh and The Sengemenge Family
I FEEL happy writing this report on the hottest and youngest millionaires in town. Who are they? You have not been moving around if you are still asking this question. Hip hop stars KC Presh and the elder brother of the K in KC, Emeka alias E-Money are the people making Lagos tick at the moment. They are called the Sengemenge Family (just like in the Mafia, where you have the Gambino, Corleon etc families). They move about in a large convoy of Hummer jeeps with revolving lights. If they happen on your club any day, you can go to sleep for the next three days because you definitely will run out of drinks and foods since they invade often with about 30 people excluding mogbo moyas (gate crashers) at the place. While Ateke Tom was holding the celebrity hangout in Surulere to ransom that Friday, the Sengemenge family was some metres away, just by the stage, showing the stuff they are made of. At intervals, E-Money would cause rain to fall on the in-house band, a wad of N1000 bills. It got to a point, the leader of the band was so confused, he almost fainted. Ateke Tom on his part will reply with two wads of the same denomination. It was a ‘contest’ of no winner. T4T’s wife was forced to ask, at a point, if those bills were real money. My dear, they are real money, being spent by real people. My initial excitement evaporated as we drove home in my rickety Tuke Tuke car. Show me the man that won’t feel slightly worried when he just witnessed young people spraying N1000 notes. But, I was consoled that Jesus is still lord and we shall make it in His name… Amen.
D’ Lecturer at it again
SINCE comic act D’ Lecturer bought his car that many say is not better than T4T’s Tuke Tuke, he has since stopped coming to celebrity hangouts to search for who to drop him at the next BRT bus station for onward transmission to Akute, a suburb of Lagos, where reports say he is planning to buy his country home (he currently lives in a flat at a ridiculous low rent a bad belly says can only pay for a single room’s rent in Surulere).
Saw the petit comedian when he came to town (as if na anoda state im dey stay). He was all smiles, spotting a designer shirt with his name inscribed on the breast pocket, the comic declined all entreaties by his friends to buy some shacks. He rather began a systematic thumbing of cigarettes from people’s packs on the table. You can take the man from the ghetto; you cannot take the ghetto from the man.
Na talk I talk o.
ogbuus@yahoo.com
Showing posts with label TEETH 4 TEETH. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TEETH 4 TEETH. Show all posts
Monday, 10 May 2010
Sunday, 21 March 2010
Teeth For Teeth
BY JUSTIN AKPOVI-ESADE
At last, they got Paulo
T4T told you sometime last year when trouble was brewing for president of the Association of Movie Producers, AMP, Nollywood actor, Paul Obazele, popularly called Paulo, was embattled. But he quickly denied the claim, as he, alongside producer Zeb Ejiro, stuffed in large quantities of grilled fish at O’jez. Well, the bubble has finally bust. Alleging Paulo’s Abacha-like style of administration, nearly all Nollywood big and small producers have decided to jump ship and form a new body called Association of Nollywood Core Producers, ANCOP. The media unveil is planned for end of this month at Rita Lori Hotels, Lagos. The president of the new body, Alex Eyengho, gave all these details. Without mentioning names, no known producer is still with Paulo’s AMP anymore. At the moment, the song that is apt to play for the now embattled president of AMP, is Azizat’s Lonely. One needs a crash course on how to blindside somebody from these ANCOP members.
Paulo is truly embattled this time, no doubt.
Segun Arinze’s sweat
IF someone told me that president of the Actors Guild of Nigeria, Segun Arinze, has so much sweat in him like what I saw recently, I would have argued blindly. But thank God I saw it with my koro koro eyes. As usual, I had finished my round at a hangout in Surulere and I was just by the parking lot, heading to my tuke tuke, when another car pulled up and Black Arrow, as Arinze is popularly called, alighted. He was clutching about four mobile phones. But that is not the issue. The way sweat was dripping from his face actually scared me. His shirt was soaked. T4T thought he would pass out the next minute, but thank Jehovah, he didn’t. He hailed your darling T4T and hurried away to the VIP section to no doubt be cooled by the air-conditioners.
The import of this little story is that presido’s car no get air condition or the many wahala for AGN dey make am sweat like no man’s biznes. Anyhow sha, na so life be.
D’banj And Genevieve?
WHAT have I been hearing in recent times? That hip-hop star D’banj and Nollywood screen idol, Genevieve, are doing what...? Someone swore he read an interview where D’banj was praising ‘Gene baby’ as well as extolling her virtues (D’banj has extolled many women’s virtues, so that is not news) but what keeps rearing up is that they are... I can’t say the word, just fill the blank spaces.
Hmmm, if it’s true, then D’banj don fall in love tru tru dis time. No be me talk o o.
Ernest Asuzu Rebrands, Now El Grin
NOLLYWOOD star turned hip-hop act, Ernest Asuzu, has finally re-branded. He appears to have left movie and now into hip-hop music full time. He launched his debut album recently. So folks, when you come across a CD with a grinning face of Ernesto on the cover sleeve, but with the name El Grin, do not get confused, it is the same fella.
Na so life be, no be one road peson dey take enta maket.
Revealed, how Dadi Monso was caught
NOLLYWOOD star, Dadi Monso... you don’t recall Monso? Hold on, let me refresh your memory a bit. The actor was the same person that T4T reported had resorted to hiding in a spot inside the National Stadium premises where cheap beer is sold after declaring he was tired of playing the star and drinking beer at high prices at celebrity hangouts. Yes, it is the same Monso, but this time, he did not go to drink beer or eat goat head at reduced prices, he was seen at about 11.30pm at Yeside Bus Stop, Aguda, with a friend (if you like say na man or woman, na you come talk o). They were walking to the bus stop and from the way the ‘friend’ was dressed, you will know that the ‘friend’s’ house is not far from the location they were sited. I met Monso days after and told him I would let the world know that he was seen at that ungodly hour of the night (as if Curfew dey Lagos) and if he has any explanation, he should send his disclaimer to the Editor, The Guardian Life magazine.
Truth is he attempted to appease (or bribe) me with a bottle of ... but sorry, T4T has kicked the drinking habit. Monso, epele o.
Desmond Elliot, the star
NOLLYWOOD star actor turned director, Desmond Elliot, was at the National Stadium recently on location. They used the Chinese restaurant there as set. But that is not the issue, after the shoot, to show people in the open air section of the popular hangout in the vicinity that a star was in the vicinity, Elliot came out in full glare, making loud jokes with crew members by a white bus. Desmond boy laughed the loudest among the people there that evening and some of his detractors were quick to say, he wanted to be noticed.
But the Desmond I know is not a notice me kind of person, but then, people do change sha.
Lolo, the caterer
THE actress,Oby Okafor, popularly called Lolo, may have bidded acting farewell. Why did I say so? On Monday night, someone was distributing a complimentary card at Ejike Asiegbu’s permanent table at one popular hangout, a careful look at the card showed Lolo’s picture and the information that she is into professional catering. Her company’s name is De Giggles, so in case you see a card with Lolo’s picture bearing that company’s name; you know who it is. However, her decision to delve into catering may not be unconnected to the global economic meltdown that has refused to leave Nollywood alone.
Chuma Onwudiwe again
NOLLWOOD comedian and Secretary General of Actors Guild of Nigeria, Chuma Onwudiwe, has done it again! Recall I told you how Chuma single-handedly devoured a baby whale at a popular hangout in Surulere some weeks ago, good. Last Friday, he was at it again at the celebrity hangout. It was some minutes past 8pm when the waiter brought the gigantic grilled fish with lots of chips that can feed four people, but it took Chuma and his female companion just 15 minutes (dis T4T na timer o) to demolish the fish obstacle. Attempts to document event for posterity was rebuffed by Chuma, as he kept blocking the camera view with his wide hands.
But did it stop T4T from telling the world even if he has no pictures to show? Whoosai.
ogbuus@yahoo.com
At last, they got Paulo
T4T told you sometime last year when trouble was brewing for president of the Association of Movie Producers, AMP, Nollywood actor, Paul Obazele, popularly called Paulo, was embattled. But he quickly denied the claim, as he, alongside producer Zeb Ejiro, stuffed in large quantities of grilled fish at O’jez. Well, the bubble has finally bust. Alleging Paulo’s Abacha-like style of administration, nearly all Nollywood big and small producers have decided to jump ship and form a new body called Association of Nollywood Core Producers, ANCOP. The media unveil is planned for end of this month at Rita Lori Hotels, Lagos. The president of the new body, Alex Eyengho, gave all these details. Without mentioning names, no known producer is still with Paulo’s AMP anymore. At the moment, the song that is apt to play for the now embattled president of AMP, is Azizat’s Lonely. One needs a crash course on how to blindside somebody from these ANCOP members.
Paulo is truly embattled this time, no doubt.
Segun Arinze’s sweat
IF someone told me that president of the Actors Guild of Nigeria, Segun Arinze, has so much sweat in him like what I saw recently, I would have argued blindly. But thank God I saw it with my koro koro eyes. As usual, I had finished my round at a hangout in Surulere and I was just by the parking lot, heading to my tuke tuke, when another car pulled up and Black Arrow, as Arinze is popularly called, alighted. He was clutching about four mobile phones. But that is not the issue. The way sweat was dripping from his face actually scared me. His shirt was soaked. T4T thought he would pass out the next minute, but thank Jehovah, he didn’t. He hailed your darling T4T and hurried away to the VIP section to no doubt be cooled by the air-conditioners.
The import of this little story is that presido’s car no get air condition or the many wahala for AGN dey make am sweat like no man’s biznes. Anyhow sha, na so life be.
D’banj And Genevieve?
WHAT have I been hearing in recent times? That hip-hop star D’banj and Nollywood screen idol, Genevieve, are doing what...? Someone swore he read an interview where D’banj was praising ‘Gene baby’ as well as extolling her virtues (D’banj has extolled many women’s virtues, so that is not news) but what keeps rearing up is that they are... I can’t say the word, just fill the blank spaces.
Hmmm, if it’s true, then D’banj don fall in love tru tru dis time. No be me talk o o.
Ernest Asuzu Rebrands, Now El Grin
NOLLYWOOD star turned hip-hop act, Ernest Asuzu, has finally re-branded. He appears to have left movie and now into hip-hop music full time. He launched his debut album recently. So folks, when you come across a CD with a grinning face of Ernesto on the cover sleeve, but with the name El Grin, do not get confused, it is the same fella.
Na so life be, no be one road peson dey take enta maket.
Revealed, how Dadi Monso was caught
NOLLYWOOD star, Dadi Monso... you don’t recall Monso? Hold on, let me refresh your memory a bit. The actor was the same person that T4T reported had resorted to hiding in a spot inside the National Stadium premises where cheap beer is sold after declaring he was tired of playing the star and drinking beer at high prices at celebrity hangouts. Yes, it is the same Monso, but this time, he did not go to drink beer or eat goat head at reduced prices, he was seen at about 11.30pm at Yeside Bus Stop, Aguda, with a friend (if you like say na man or woman, na you come talk o). They were walking to the bus stop and from the way the ‘friend’ was dressed, you will know that the ‘friend’s’ house is not far from the location they were sited. I met Monso days after and told him I would let the world know that he was seen at that ungodly hour of the night (as if Curfew dey Lagos) and if he has any explanation, he should send his disclaimer to the Editor, The Guardian Life magazine.
Truth is he attempted to appease (or bribe) me with a bottle of ... but sorry, T4T has kicked the drinking habit. Monso, epele o.
Desmond Elliot, the star
NOLLYWOOD star actor turned director, Desmond Elliot, was at the National Stadium recently on location. They used the Chinese restaurant there as set. But that is not the issue, after the shoot, to show people in the open air section of the popular hangout in the vicinity that a star was in the vicinity, Elliot came out in full glare, making loud jokes with crew members by a white bus. Desmond boy laughed the loudest among the people there that evening and some of his detractors were quick to say, he wanted to be noticed.
But the Desmond I know is not a notice me kind of person, but then, people do change sha.
Lolo, the caterer
THE actress,Oby Okafor, popularly called Lolo, may have bidded acting farewell. Why did I say so? On Monday night, someone was distributing a complimentary card at Ejike Asiegbu’s permanent table at one popular hangout, a careful look at the card showed Lolo’s picture and the information that she is into professional catering. Her company’s name is De Giggles, so in case you see a card with Lolo’s picture bearing that company’s name; you know who it is. However, her decision to delve into catering may not be unconnected to the global economic meltdown that has refused to leave Nollywood alone.
Chuma Onwudiwe again
NOLLWOOD comedian and Secretary General of Actors Guild of Nigeria, Chuma Onwudiwe, has done it again! Recall I told you how Chuma single-handedly devoured a baby whale at a popular hangout in Surulere some weeks ago, good. Last Friday, he was at it again at the celebrity hangout. It was some minutes past 8pm when the waiter brought the gigantic grilled fish with lots of chips that can feed four people, but it took Chuma and his female companion just 15 minutes (dis T4T na timer o) to demolish the fish obstacle. Attempts to document event for posterity was rebuffed by Chuma, as he kept blocking the camera view with his wide hands.
But did it stop T4T from telling the world even if he has no pictures to show? Whoosai.
ogbuus@yahoo.com
Saturday, 13 March 2010
TEETH 4 TEETH
BY JUSTIN AKPOVI-ESADE
Princess’ bomb
COMEDIAN Princess shocked many of her fans last week when on a brief appearance on TV programme, she pronounced the word ‘bomb’ with the B loud! Geez, Princess, were you not thought in school that the B is silent? Coming from a comic act such as Princess, who has been on the scene for quite some time, this is inexcusable. Advise to dear Princess: go back and read your Brighter Grammar booklet.
Leo’s new married habit
NOLLYWOOD star, Leo Mezie, is married, that is no longer news. He got married on February 28 in crisis-ridden Jos, Plateau State where he braced the dangers of gun-totting ethnic warriors (see wetin love dey cause) to marry his Delta-born heartthrob. But T4T has noticed that since the star joined the married men club, he has picked up a new habit. For some time now, he has been under close observation by T4T (dis T4T na doctor?) and it has been noticed that anytime he comes to O’jez, he now orders for two big bottles water and a plate of chips/chicken. It takes him less than 10 minutes to down the water and he calls for more water, haba. This is Leo that used to cuddle a bottle of a beer in a green bottle before he got married. We dug deeper and found out that perhaps madam has ‘ordered’ ‘ole Leo to kick the beer habit and become a responsible husband and father that he would be in the near future. That is nice of madam but Leo’s case brings to the fore the general belief that once you are married, the woman begins to rule the man’s world. We all are victims; I mean the married ones o o.
Paul Play’s rough rider
IT was on Tuesday, March 9, at exactly 7.32am. T4T was minding his business inside his Tuke tuke car just by Police College, Ikeja, when a BMW X5 SUV raced past driving against traffic. The car was really in a hurry going by the kind of speed level the driver was going. A peep at the registration revealed the customised number plates ‘Paul Play’. And that car could be owned by just one person, Afro-highlife singer turned hip-hop act, Paul ‘Play’ Dairo. Where was he rushing to at that time of the morning? Why would the singer who is supposed to be a role model decide to drive against traffic at a time school children were going to school? And in front of a Police College of all places! Well, he got away with it that day, he may not be lucky next time. So, if you per chance see the music star being dragged and rough-handled by LASTMA traffic officials, please do not pity him because whatever you sow... (fill in the blank spaces).
... And Tony Tonero’s Gone
STRUGGLING music act, Tony Tonero, is dead, according to a report in a national newspaper. He was reportedly hit by a hit and run car as he attempted to cross a road in a Lagos suburb. Tony, according to reports, was on his way home from where he went to watch a football match. See what all these foreign football will do to us? Tony did not go and watch Enyimba Vs Sharks, he must have gone to watch a Chelsea Vs ... Well, the Delta State-born artiste is gone, with unfulfilled dreams of becoming a star. His closest to being a star was his Yoruba rap in Paul Play’s Moserire. Such is life.
Zik Zulu’s it
NOLLYWOOD producer/director, Zik Zulu Okafor, is a made man, and this piece of news is authoritative. Zik would win the award (if there is any like that) of the Nollywood practitioner with the highest taste for exotic cars. For years, the producer has been driving top of the range cars. T4T saw him at an office in Ikeja recently and he was amazed. The BMW X6, maroon red colour pulled over and the small figure behind hailed T4T. Lo and behold, it was Zik. The wonders on wheel zoomed off. Geez, the cost of that car can conveniently build a country home in the village. Bros, when I grow up, I will like to be like you.
Please, remember the young ones like us o.
Bankuli hugs New York
AS you read this piece, artistes’ manager, Seun Abisagbola, popularly called Bankuli, is in New York. T4T got a Blackberry message from Bankuli detailing his itinerary. See how life be? This is Bankuli some years ago that we were always sitting down near an Aboki shop on Airways Road, Surulere, talking about the good life in future. Now that good life is here, he is busy travelling all over the world. Well, but his detractors have just one advice for him: he should get married now that he has everything going for him. But wait o, Bankuli, an unmarried man, is as heavy and big as a 10-ton truck, if im come marry join am? Hmmm, but e no stop peson, at least Howie T marry and born pikin sef.
ogbuus@yahoo.com
Princess’ bomb
COMEDIAN Princess shocked many of her fans last week when on a brief appearance on TV programme, she pronounced the word ‘bomb’ with the B loud! Geez, Princess, were you not thought in school that the B is silent? Coming from a comic act such as Princess, who has been on the scene for quite some time, this is inexcusable. Advise to dear Princess: go back and read your Brighter Grammar booklet.
Leo’s new married habit
NOLLYWOOD star, Leo Mezie, is married, that is no longer news. He got married on February 28 in crisis-ridden Jos, Plateau State where he braced the dangers of gun-totting ethnic warriors (see wetin love dey cause) to marry his Delta-born heartthrob. But T4T has noticed that since the star joined the married men club, he has picked up a new habit. For some time now, he has been under close observation by T4T (dis T4T na doctor?) and it has been noticed that anytime he comes to O’jez, he now orders for two big bottles water and a plate of chips/chicken. It takes him less than 10 minutes to down the water and he calls for more water, haba. This is Leo that used to cuddle a bottle of a beer in a green bottle before he got married. We dug deeper and found out that perhaps madam has ‘ordered’ ‘ole Leo to kick the beer habit and become a responsible husband and father that he would be in the near future. That is nice of madam but Leo’s case brings to the fore the general belief that once you are married, the woman begins to rule the man’s world. We all are victims; I mean the married ones o o.
Paul Play’s rough rider
IT was on Tuesday, March 9, at exactly 7.32am. T4T was minding his business inside his Tuke tuke car just by Police College, Ikeja, when a BMW X5 SUV raced past driving against traffic. The car was really in a hurry going by the kind of speed level the driver was going. A peep at the registration revealed the customised number plates ‘Paul Play’. And that car could be owned by just one person, Afro-highlife singer turned hip-hop act, Paul ‘Play’ Dairo. Where was he rushing to at that time of the morning? Why would the singer who is supposed to be a role model decide to drive against traffic at a time school children were going to school? And in front of a Police College of all places! Well, he got away with it that day, he may not be lucky next time. So, if you per chance see the music star being dragged and rough-handled by LASTMA traffic officials, please do not pity him because whatever you sow... (fill in the blank spaces).
... And Tony Tonero’s Gone
STRUGGLING music act, Tony Tonero, is dead, according to a report in a national newspaper. He was reportedly hit by a hit and run car as he attempted to cross a road in a Lagos suburb. Tony, according to reports, was on his way home from where he went to watch a football match. See what all these foreign football will do to us? Tony did not go and watch Enyimba Vs Sharks, he must have gone to watch a Chelsea Vs ... Well, the Delta State-born artiste is gone, with unfulfilled dreams of becoming a star. His closest to being a star was his Yoruba rap in Paul Play’s Moserire. Such is life.
Zik Zulu’s it
NOLLYWOOD producer/director, Zik Zulu Okafor, is a made man, and this piece of news is authoritative. Zik would win the award (if there is any like that) of the Nollywood practitioner with the highest taste for exotic cars. For years, the producer has been driving top of the range cars. T4T saw him at an office in Ikeja recently and he was amazed. The BMW X6, maroon red colour pulled over and the small figure behind hailed T4T. Lo and behold, it was Zik. The wonders on wheel zoomed off. Geez, the cost of that car can conveniently build a country home in the village. Bros, when I grow up, I will like to be like you.
Please, remember the young ones like us o.
Bankuli hugs New York
AS you read this piece, artistes’ manager, Seun Abisagbola, popularly called Bankuli, is in New York. T4T got a Blackberry message from Bankuli detailing his itinerary. See how life be? This is Bankuli some years ago that we were always sitting down near an Aboki shop on Airways Road, Surulere, talking about the good life in future. Now that good life is here, he is busy travelling all over the world. Well, but his detractors have just one advice for him: he should get married now that he has everything going for him. But wait o, Bankuli, an unmarried man, is as heavy and big as a 10-ton truck, if im come marry join am? Hmmm, but e no stop peson, at least Howie T marry and born pikin sef.
ogbuus@yahoo.com
Saturday, 6 February 2010
TEETH 4 TEETH
BY JUSTIN AKPOVI-ESADE
Emeka Ike Plots Segun Arinze’s Fall
THE stage appears set for the final showdown in the Actors Guild of Nigeria as ‘president’ Emeka Ike has perfected plans to finally topple the ‘government’ of Segun Arinze and that of the Board of Trustees.
A reliable source revealed that Ike is courting former AGN president Ejike Asiegbu and General Secretary, Chuma Nwudiwe, to team up with him in the mission to silence the BoT once and for all. Several meetings have been held between Ike and Asiegbu. Ike is hell bent, according to the source, on taking possession of the national secretariat on Ajao Road, Surulere, Lagos, which Arinze occupies currently. Ike is weighing so many options, which include going to court or using touts to sack Arinze. The heat is building up as Chuma has declared himself acting president based on the fact that Arinze reportedly does not have a University degree, the major condition that qualifies one to be AGN president. The die is cast. Kanayo O. Kanayo, according to reports, declared himself chairman of the BoT after reportedly swearing in Emeka Ike as president. This is certainly a season of the locust in AGN.
Gandoki Rebrands
COMEDIAN Gandoki may have suddenly woken up from his long sleep and decided to rebrand, to boost his career that many claim is suffering from arrested development. T4T got a call from the comedian last week announcing that he has finally concluded plans to launch the DVDs of his shows (they are mere clips of his several shows he did for people). He was so excited about the oncoming show in Asaba, Delta State that one began to wonder if the comic had won a lottery or Baba Ijebu as the case may be. In over a decade of his career, Gandoki has never organised a solo show even when younger comics like Jedi, Teju Baby Face, AY, have all taken the risk, so one would understand with him while he is so excited. Ran into his ‘manager’, David Salako at a Lagos celebrity hang-out on Monday, who confirmed that Gandoki was indeed on a mission to rebrand himself beginning with the Asaba launch. Well, we wish him good luck, but one hopes after the rebrand, he will also stop thumbing people’s cigarettes at the hangout.
Clint ‘D Drunk Also Lives In Ikorodu
COMEDIANS are gradually turning Ikorodu, a Lagos suburb into the new Beverly Hills as most of them are moving there like they are being chased. Clint D’ Drunk a source revealed now leaves in the suburb. Seyi Law, A Y, Gandoki all live there. But then, there are different classes of comedians, those that live on millionaire playground, Lekki (Ali Baba, Julius Agwu and Basket Mouth), the Ikorodu suburb group that are enjoying big mansions at ridiculous cheap rents and others like D Lecturer living in Akute jungle etc. All fingers are not equal. Church, sorry, such is life.
Frank Nico Gravity
ALTHOUGH he has been in the music scene for a long time, Ajegunle ghetto artiste Nico Gravity shot to instant fame last year when he released a song lambasting fellow singer Timaya for his self-praising music style. However, he got what he did not bargain for when just recently a younger artiste released a song that totally took Nico from the centre of gravity. Nico was on Wazobia FM last week reacting to the song by Mercury and you cannot help but admire the frankness of the artiste on all the issues raised. He stood by his song about Timaya and wished Mercury well even as he maintained that he did not insult Timaya. However, one could feel the pain and disappointment in his voice when he said Mercury in order to rise to fame decided to rain abuses on him in his song. He admits he was indeed a chemist (as Mercury said in the song). “Yes, I dey sell chemist before” (I was a chemist), Nico Gravity said.
Well, T4T sympathises with Gravity but he should know that what goes around, comes around.
Uche Anyeamele’s ‘Lean’ Birthday
NOLLYWOOD star Uche Anyemele who broke into limelight with his role as Richard in Wale Adenuga’s Super Story, held his birthday party last Saturday at a celebrity club in Surulere, Lagos. It would have been better if Uche had held his B’Day at his Ejigbo-Lagos residence instead of bothering himself with coming to the celebrity hangout. The text message he used in inviting other stars clearly stated that there was limited seating space. T4T found out he reserved just two tables with about nine chairs, yet Uche sent over 30 SMS to different people. Someone swore it got to a point, you were advised to buy your own food and drinks. You see why I said he should have done the birthday quietly in his apartment?
Kefee’s Showstopper Bash
IT is only when one has made money like the Adenugas, Okoyas etc that he remembers and even celebrates his birthdays yearly. I can say authoritatively that sensational singer Kefee has made money and is ready to throw a lavish birthday party in Lagos. In fact, by the time you are reading this, Kefee must have, yesterday, held Lagos celebrity circles to a standstill position with her birthday bash. Newspapers, magazines and Internet sites have been agog with news of Kefee’s birthday gig, which held yesterday. Hmmm, see how life be? Dis na Kefee wey evrybodi tink say her own don finis wen her husband last year. She dust her bodi, hamma and move go Lekki, she even buy Murano jeep and now sees her betday wey ring like say na Rasaq Okoya dauter wan do betday. When small pikin get money, elder go call am aunty, so Aunty Kefee, remeba big bros o. Na dia I talk reach first.
ogbuus@yahoo.com
Emeka Ike Plots Segun Arinze’s Fall
THE stage appears set for the final showdown in the Actors Guild of Nigeria as ‘president’ Emeka Ike has perfected plans to finally topple the ‘government’ of Segun Arinze and that of the Board of Trustees.
A reliable source revealed that Ike is courting former AGN president Ejike Asiegbu and General Secretary, Chuma Nwudiwe, to team up with him in the mission to silence the BoT once and for all. Several meetings have been held between Ike and Asiegbu. Ike is hell bent, according to the source, on taking possession of the national secretariat on Ajao Road, Surulere, Lagos, which Arinze occupies currently. Ike is weighing so many options, which include going to court or using touts to sack Arinze. The heat is building up as Chuma has declared himself acting president based on the fact that Arinze reportedly does not have a University degree, the major condition that qualifies one to be AGN president. The die is cast. Kanayo O. Kanayo, according to reports, declared himself chairman of the BoT after reportedly swearing in Emeka Ike as president. This is certainly a season of the locust in AGN.
Gandoki Rebrands
COMEDIAN Gandoki may have suddenly woken up from his long sleep and decided to rebrand, to boost his career that many claim is suffering from arrested development. T4T got a call from the comedian last week announcing that he has finally concluded plans to launch the DVDs of his shows (they are mere clips of his several shows he did for people). He was so excited about the oncoming show in Asaba, Delta State that one began to wonder if the comic had won a lottery or Baba Ijebu as the case may be. In over a decade of his career, Gandoki has never organised a solo show even when younger comics like Jedi, Teju Baby Face, AY, have all taken the risk, so one would understand with him while he is so excited. Ran into his ‘manager’, David Salako at a Lagos celebrity hang-out on Monday, who confirmed that Gandoki was indeed on a mission to rebrand himself beginning with the Asaba launch. Well, we wish him good luck, but one hopes after the rebrand, he will also stop thumbing people’s cigarettes at the hangout.
Clint ‘D Drunk Also Lives In Ikorodu
COMEDIANS are gradually turning Ikorodu, a Lagos suburb into the new Beverly Hills as most of them are moving there like they are being chased. Clint D’ Drunk a source revealed now leaves in the suburb. Seyi Law, A Y, Gandoki all live there. But then, there are different classes of comedians, those that live on millionaire playground, Lekki (Ali Baba, Julius Agwu and Basket Mouth), the Ikorodu suburb group that are enjoying big mansions at ridiculous cheap rents and others like D Lecturer living in Akute jungle etc. All fingers are not equal. Church, sorry, such is life.
Frank Nico Gravity
ALTHOUGH he has been in the music scene for a long time, Ajegunle ghetto artiste Nico Gravity shot to instant fame last year when he released a song lambasting fellow singer Timaya for his self-praising music style. However, he got what he did not bargain for when just recently a younger artiste released a song that totally took Nico from the centre of gravity. Nico was on Wazobia FM last week reacting to the song by Mercury and you cannot help but admire the frankness of the artiste on all the issues raised. He stood by his song about Timaya and wished Mercury well even as he maintained that he did not insult Timaya. However, one could feel the pain and disappointment in his voice when he said Mercury in order to rise to fame decided to rain abuses on him in his song. He admits he was indeed a chemist (as Mercury said in the song). “Yes, I dey sell chemist before” (I was a chemist), Nico Gravity said.
Well, T4T sympathises with Gravity but he should know that what goes around, comes around.
Uche Anyeamele’s ‘Lean’ Birthday
NOLLYWOOD star Uche Anyemele who broke into limelight with his role as Richard in Wale Adenuga’s Super Story, held his birthday party last Saturday at a celebrity club in Surulere, Lagos. It would have been better if Uche had held his B’Day at his Ejigbo-Lagos residence instead of bothering himself with coming to the celebrity hangout. The text message he used in inviting other stars clearly stated that there was limited seating space. T4T found out he reserved just two tables with about nine chairs, yet Uche sent over 30 SMS to different people. Someone swore it got to a point, you were advised to buy your own food and drinks. You see why I said he should have done the birthday quietly in his apartment?
Kefee’s Showstopper Bash
IT is only when one has made money like the Adenugas, Okoyas etc that he remembers and even celebrates his birthdays yearly. I can say authoritatively that sensational singer Kefee has made money and is ready to throw a lavish birthday party in Lagos. In fact, by the time you are reading this, Kefee must have, yesterday, held Lagos celebrity circles to a standstill position with her birthday bash. Newspapers, magazines and Internet sites have been agog with news of Kefee’s birthday gig, which held yesterday. Hmmm, see how life be? Dis na Kefee wey evrybodi tink say her own don finis wen her husband last year. She dust her bodi, hamma and move go Lekki, she even buy Murano jeep and now sees her betday wey ring like say na Rasaq Okoya dauter wan do betday. When small pikin get money, elder go call am aunty, so Aunty Kefee, remeba big bros o. Na dia I talk reach first.
ogbuus@yahoo.com
Saturday, 30 January 2010
TEETH 4 TEETH
Yemi Blaq’s ‘Feting’ Binge
BARELY three days after winning the second edition of Celebrity Takes 2 dance show, Nollywood actor, Yemi Blaq, was sighted at O’jez on Tuesday at 6pm, staging what could pass as a mini party. T4T was minding his business as usual when the actor who is looking lean (weeks of hard dancing had taken its toll). He paid homage to former president of Actors Guild of Nigeria, Ejike Asiegbu, and took a seat near the stage. For many minutes, one began to think he intended to dine alone that evening until one after another, over seven people arrived and the mini party began. A mental calculation of what went down at the table before T4T left at about 9pm would be roughly 50 grand and they looked like they were just starting off. Bros, rememba your left o, na the warning Thunder Balogun wife give am for stadium dat time o. If you finis the small money wey follow the new Jeep you win, my hand no dey o.
OPJ ‘Marginalises’ Expensive On Wazobia
Are you also an addict of Wazobia FM radio like most of us? Then you must have noticed the obvious marginalisation of one of its presenters, Expensive, the Olotepu of Otepu (whatever that means anyway). Expensive co presents with baritone voice OPJ every week day from 6pm. Agreed, OPJ was the original presenter before Expensive came on board, but his larger than life image seems to have drowned Expensive’s. All the promos being played on the programme from 6pm till midnight sing the praises of OPJ. Not one of them talks about Expensive. It is so bad now that even when OPJ is not on, callers still ask of him and you could feel the disappointment when Expensive tells them OPJ is not around. Expensive did not help matters right from the day he joined. He noticed the awe inspiring image of OPJ and since then began to copy him from the way he talks to how he answers people who call in to make request or talk about traffic. That finished him because in the minds of the people, if it is not OPJ, it cannot be like OPJ.
Management of Wazobia should please look into the situation because there are two OPJs on air every evening now. Advise to Expensive: just be yourself.
Dadi Monso Again, Confesses This Time
NOLLYWOOD actor, Dadi Monso, was reported on this column to have discovered somewhere he now drinks cheap beer and eat Cow tail peppersoup. That was months ago. At the birthday of another star, Victor Osuagwu recently, Monso confessed to T4T that indeed he has a hideout where he indulges himself anytime his money was running low. Expectedly, Monso has disappeared from Nollywood circles this period (he is running dry again). You looking for Monso? Drive around the National stadium, you will sure see the tall frame of the actor and his journalist accomplice friend at a joint eating cow tail and drinking beer at a cheap price.
Francis Onwochei’s massive size
T4T was privileged to walk behind Nollywood actor/director, Francis Onwochei, and his soul mate, Zik Zulu Okafor, on a staircase in an office in GRA, Ikeja, last week and geez, I was choking because dear Francis’ size had sucked up all the air around the tight staircase. It was a miracle your dear T4T did not pass out. Trust him, he accosted Francis about his new Samuel Peter size. The actor denied being fat (as if na wetin dey hide), he rather challenged T4T to a game of lawn tennis at the National Stadium that weekend. When told that T4T only plays Ludo, he urged him to come watch his deft moves to disprove the fact that he is fat. He even went ahead to say that Rafael Nadal (the world tennis champ) would be jealous when he sees him play. Great bros, but recall that there was a certain person who challenged his detractors to a game of squash some two years ago o. Please dear Francis, don’t challenge anybody to any game that is related to chasing small balls around, the end story is not always sweet. I no wan write bad story. Na small talk I talk o, I no call peson name o.
Help, Ejike Asiegbu’s voluminous
T4T met Ejike Asiegbu and a renowned TV journalist at a popular hangout in Surulere on Tuesday checking out some designer shirts that evening. The journalist took one and in disappointment, Asiegbu sighed and said he knew his size would never be among the fine shirts. His face was really sad. Well, you all know why Ejike cannot afford to buy normal size shirts like any other person; Presido is voluminous. He should go shopping where the likes of Howie T, Ayim Pius Ayim, Iyabo Lawani etc go. Na advice I give o.
Haiti Earthquake And Nollywood/Music Stars
I HAVE been reading and following on satellite TV, the news of how American Hollywood film and music stars have been mobilising support for Haiti quake victims. Money running into millions of dollars have come from the stars to the distressed people of the Caribbean island. In fact, the stars did a Telethon that was used to raise more money. My mind came back to our dear Nollywood stars and my heart broke. How many of these stars can send a million naira check to Haiti? Please answer this question to my email. What about our music stars? Can any of the associations organise a charity concert with all the proceeds not ending in one’s pocket instead of Haiti’s? Well, let all today know that there are stars and there are stars. In the case of Nigeria, we have stars without the R. Whatever that means.
Tricia Esiegbe showcases hubby
I AM not comfortable as I write this particular piece, and the reason is not far-fetched. When Nollywood actress, Tricia Esiegbe, got married recently, she and her husband warned the media to stay off their marriage. I heeded the warning until last week when the duo arrived O’jez in the evening and I threw caution to the wind. Tricia was so full of life, introducing the handsome guy to other Nollywood stars (including waka pass) present at the celebrity hangout. Her happy mood was contagious (e no easy to marry at that age. No be me talk am o, na somebody wey sidon nia me o). The hubby looks like a weight lifter, the more reason why I am scared and recalling the earlier warning by the couple. Anyway, the day you guys will see T4T with POP in one arm and a battered face to match, you don’t need to look far for whodunit.
Tricia’s weight lifter looking-hubby of course.
ogbuus@yahoo.com
BARELY three days after winning the second edition of Celebrity Takes 2 dance show, Nollywood actor, Yemi Blaq, was sighted at O’jez on Tuesday at 6pm, staging what could pass as a mini party. T4T was minding his business as usual when the actor who is looking lean (weeks of hard dancing had taken its toll). He paid homage to former president of Actors Guild of Nigeria, Ejike Asiegbu, and took a seat near the stage. For many minutes, one began to think he intended to dine alone that evening until one after another, over seven people arrived and the mini party began. A mental calculation of what went down at the table before T4T left at about 9pm would be roughly 50 grand and they looked like they were just starting off. Bros, rememba your left o, na the warning Thunder Balogun wife give am for stadium dat time o. If you finis the small money wey follow the new Jeep you win, my hand no dey o.
OPJ ‘Marginalises’ Expensive On Wazobia
Are you also an addict of Wazobia FM radio like most of us? Then you must have noticed the obvious marginalisation of one of its presenters, Expensive, the Olotepu of Otepu (whatever that means anyway). Expensive co presents with baritone voice OPJ every week day from 6pm. Agreed, OPJ was the original presenter before Expensive came on board, but his larger than life image seems to have drowned Expensive’s. All the promos being played on the programme from 6pm till midnight sing the praises of OPJ. Not one of them talks about Expensive. It is so bad now that even when OPJ is not on, callers still ask of him and you could feel the disappointment when Expensive tells them OPJ is not around. Expensive did not help matters right from the day he joined. He noticed the awe inspiring image of OPJ and since then began to copy him from the way he talks to how he answers people who call in to make request or talk about traffic. That finished him because in the minds of the people, if it is not OPJ, it cannot be like OPJ.
Management of Wazobia should please look into the situation because there are two OPJs on air every evening now. Advise to Expensive: just be yourself.
Dadi Monso Again, Confesses This Time
NOLLYWOOD actor, Dadi Monso, was reported on this column to have discovered somewhere he now drinks cheap beer and eat Cow tail peppersoup. That was months ago. At the birthday of another star, Victor Osuagwu recently, Monso confessed to T4T that indeed he has a hideout where he indulges himself anytime his money was running low. Expectedly, Monso has disappeared from Nollywood circles this period (he is running dry again). You looking for Monso? Drive around the National stadium, you will sure see the tall frame of the actor and his journalist accomplice friend at a joint eating cow tail and drinking beer at a cheap price.
Francis Onwochei’s massive size
T4T was privileged to walk behind Nollywood actor/director, Francis Onwochei, and his soul mate, Zik Zulu Okafor, on a staircase in an office in GRA, Ikeja, last week and geez, I was choking because dear Francis’ size had sucked up all the air around the tight staircase. It was a miracle your dear T4T did not pass out. Trust him, he accosted Francis about his new Samuel Peter size. The actor denied being fat (as if na wetin dey hide), he rather challenged T4T to a game of lawn tennis at the National Stadium that weekend. When told that T4T only plays Ludo, he urged him to come watch his deft moves to disprove the fact that he is fat. He even went ahead to say that Rafael Nadal (the world tennis champ) would be jealous when he sees him play. Great bros, but recall that there was a certain person who challenged his detractors to a game of squash some two years ago o. Please dear Francis, don’t challenge anybody to any game that is related to chasing small balls around, the end story is not always sweet. I no wan write bad story. Na small talk I talk o, I no call peson name o.
Help, Ejike Asiegbu’s voluminous
T4T met Ejike Asiegbu and a renowned TV journalist at a popular hangout in Surulere on Tuesday checking out some designer shirts that evening. The journalist took one and in disappointment, Asiegbu sighed and said he knew his size would never be among the fine shirts. His face was really sad. Well, you all know why Ejike cannot afford to buy normal size shirts like any other person; Presido is voluminous. He should go shopping where the likes of Howie T, Ayim Pius Ayim, Iyabo Lawani etc go. Na advice I give o.
Haiti Earthquake And Nollywood/Music Stars
I HAVE been reading and following on satellite TV, the news of how American Hollywood film and music stars have been mobilising support for Haiti quake victims. Money running into millions of dollars have come from the stars to the distressed people of the Caribbean island. In fact, the stars did a Telethon that was used to raise more money. My mind came back to our dear Nollywood stars and my heart broke. How many of these stars can send a million naira check to Haiti? Please answer this question to my email. What about our music stars? Can any of the associations organise a charity concert with all the proceeds not ending in one’s pocket instead of Haiti’s? Well, let all today know that there are stars and there are stars. In the case of Nigeria, we have stars without the R. Whatever that means.
Tricia Esiegbe showcases hubby
I AM not comfortable as I write this particular piece, and the reason is not far-fetched. When Nollywood actress, Tricia Esiegbe, got married recently, she and her husband warned the media to stay off their marriage. I heeded the warning until last week when the duo arrived O’jez in the evening and I threw caution to the wind. Tricia was so full of life, introducing the handsome guy to other Nollywood stars (including waka pass) present at the celebrity hangout. Her happy mood was contagious (e no easy to marry at that age. No be me talk am o, na somebody wey sidon nia me o). The hubby looks like a weight lifter, the more reason why I am scared and recalling the earlier warning by the couple. Anyway, the day you guys will see T4T with POP in one arm and a battered face to match, you don’t need to look far for whodunit.
Tricia’s weight lifter looking-hubby of course.
ogbuus@yahoo.com
Sunday, 24 January 2010
Teeth 4 Teeth
BY JUSTIN AKPOVI-ESADE
Lancelot Imasuen’s got a ‘bodyguard’
NOLLYWOOD director, Lancelot Imasuen, perhaps now moves about with a bodyguard. If not how would you explain what happened at GTB on Bank Anthony Road, Ikeja on Tuesday, January 19 at about 1.16pm? T4T went to the bank close to Sheraton Hotels & Towers to withdraw his tachere money and whom did he see on the long queue other than our dear Lancelot? He was wearing a rather weird designer white shirt over a pair of baggy Jean trousers. Lancelot was chewing what appeared to be a piece of kolanut that hot afternoon. T4T waited on the sideline for a slip (as if Lancelot wan fall down). None came. So as T4T made to sneak away, Lancelot ‘caught’ him. Trust the Edo State native; he never misses any opportunity to lament the state of the movie industry. It took another 20 minutes before one could run away from the dude and as T4T made to go through those funny doors of the bank, a smiling Johnny Walker, the comedian that also never misses a chance to crack a joke accosted him. He proudly announced that he came with Lancelot. That struck a chord in T4T. So, Walker is now Lancelot’s ‘bodyguard’? Or was the money he came to withdraw so much that he needed extra security? He should have hired one of those loud, lousy bullion vans! Anyway, this piece of information is for your consumption only, no be say you go dey go dey tell pipu say I talk say Lancelot don get bodyguard o.
... Still on Johnny Walker
LATER that evening, T4T ran into Johnny Walker at O’jez. He was sitting with Nollywood star, Ejike Asiegbu. T4T sat close to them. Minutes later, foods and drinks began to arrive the table like it was raining. Then Walker became agitated, he was not sitting at a vantage position, so, it was an uphill task for him to get a fair share of the goodies. Typical of Niger Deltans, he protested and when nobody listened to him, he moved his seat close to comedy actor, Victor Osuagwu. He began to enjoy like others and you needed to see the smile on his face. There is nothing like free dinner and drinks.
Help, Sonny Mcdon can’t send SMS!
DO you know that Nollywood star, Sonny Mcdon, cannot send simple telephone SMS? You now know anyway. The actor last week sent T4T an SMS, and it came blank. I was curious, perhaps that particular mobile phone company that is fast gaining notoriety for network problems, has started again, so, I thought. Then hours later, I saw his missed call which was followed with another blank text message. Trust T4T, he became curious. Days later, after the two had talked and T4T had asked Mcdon to send some information to him, he got yet another blank SMS. Then the nickel dropped, Sonny Mcdon can’t send an SMS! T4T confronted him on the matter and he smiled and waved it away. See what our stars are? Well, thank God there is a T4T who continuously tells you what these people do and who they truly are. Dis T4T na wa o, hmm.
Opa Williams’ got five generators!
HAVE you been to comedy merchant Opa Williams’ office on Sam Sonibare Street, Surulere, Lagos, recently? Please do and you will be amazed because Ose as he is fondly called is a living testimony of a failed nation. Opa has five power generating sets! T4T counted three yellow generators and two red ones last week Thursday. And sadly, Opa was overheard asking someone to find out for him the price of a giant generator from a particular company that people have accused of being the mafia behind the poor public power supply (how, I do not know). Dear President Yar Adua, you see what you are doing to people like Opa Williams? Soon, someone will mistake his office for a generator warehouse and one day ask the price for one of his yellow ones. To God be the glory sha.
... As Ejike Asiegbu goes to school
FORMER president of Actors Guild of Nigeria, Ejike Asiegbu, as you are reading this, may have travelled to Enugu State to begin a crash course on how to fix mobile phones, especially barring calls from some particular persons (there are so many enemies in Nollywood now). He was so worked up on how to bar a particular number that had been pestering him for quite some time last week at a popular hangout, and then he recalls that Chinedu, one of the Aki and Paw Paw duos, had taught him in the past. So, he pulled a call across to the pint size fella (don’t know whether he is the Aki or Paw Paw anyway). The midget ran him through the process, but long after they had talked, Ejike was still battling with his phone. Someone suggested he took a flight to Enugu (where the midget actor lives) and take a two-week course. He bought the idea, so do not be surprised when you run into the giant actor at the local wing of the airport and he tells you he is coming from Enugu. You don’t need to ask him what he went for.
Osuagwu eats a baby whale
COMEDIAN, Victor Osuagwu, popularly called Man Na Mumu, and a friend on Tuesday, ate a grilled fish that could pass for a baby whale! The waiter at the popular hangout in National Stadium, Surulere, had a difficult time ferrying the fish from the kitchen to Osuagwu’s table that evening. To add to her woes, the waiter brought it with chips. Victor and his fair-complexion friend settled down to demolish the whale-like fish and T4T noticed that it took them barely 15 minutes to down the giant grilled fish! Geez, that was fast. Even Usain Bolt was not as fast as the duo when he broke the world record and became the fastest man. Victor, friend, keep it up but remember that there is a portion in the bible that condemns unwise eating and gluttony abi?
Lancelot Imasuen’s got a ‘bodyguard’
NOLLYWOOD director, Lancelot Imasuen, perhaps now moves about with a bodyguard. If not how would you explain what happened at GTB on Bank Anthony Road, Ikeja on Tuesday, January 19 at about 1.16pm? T4T went to the bank close to Sheraton Hotels & Towers to withdraw his tachere money and whom did he see on the long queue other than our dear Lancelot? He was wearing a rather weird designer white shirt over a pair of baggy Jean trousers. Lancelot was chewing what appeared to be a piece of kolanut that hot afternoon. T4T waited on the sideline for a slip (as if Lancelot wan fall down). None came. So as T4T made to sneak away, Lancelot ‘caught’ him. Trust the Edo State native; he never misses any opportunity to lament the state of the movie industry. It took another 20 minutes before one could run away from the dude and as T4T made to go through those funny doors of the bank, a smiling Johnny Walker, the comedian that also never misses a chance to crack a joke accosted him. He proudly announced that he came with Lancelot. That struck a chord in T4T. So, Walker is now Lancelot’s ‘bodyguard’? Or was the money he came to withdraw so much that he needed extra security? He should have hired one of those loud, lousy bullion vans! Anyway, this piece of information is for your consumption only, no be say you go dey go dey tell pipu say I talk say Lancelot don get bodyguard o.
... Still on Johnny Walker
LATER that evening, T4T ran into Johnny Walker at O’jez. He was sitting with Nollywood star, Ejike Asiegbu. T4T sat close to them. Minutes later, foods and drinks began to arrive the table like it was raining. Then Walker became agitated, he was not sitting at a vantage position, so, it was an uphill task for him to get a fair share of the goodies. Typical of Niger Deltans, he protested and when nobody listened to him, he moved his seat close to comedy actor, Victor Osuagwu. He began to enjoy like others and you needed to see the smile on his face. There is nothing like free dinner and drinks.
Help, Sonny Mcdon can’t send SMS!
DO you know that Nollywood star, Sonny Mcdon, cannot send simple telephone SMS? You now know anyway. The actor last week sent T4T an SMS, and it came blank. I was curious, perhaps that particular mobile phone company that is fast gaining notoriety for network problems, has started again, so, I thought. Then hours later, I saw his missed call which was followed with another blank text message. Trust T4T, he became curious. Days later, after the two had talked and T4T had asked Mcdon to send some information to him, he got yet another blank SMS. Then the nickel dropped, Sonny Mcdon can’t send an SMS! T4T confronted him on the matter and he smiled and waved it away. See what our stars are? Well, thank God there is a T4T who continuously tells you what these people do and who they truly are. Dis T4T na wa o, hmm.
Opa Williams’ got five generators!
HAVE you been to comedy merchant Opa Williams’ office on Sam Sonibare Street, Surulere, Lagos, recently? Please do and you will be amazed because Ose as he is fondly called is a living testimony of a failed nation. Opa has five power generating sets! T4T counted three yellow generators and two red ones last week Thursday. And sadly, Opa was overheard asking someone to find out for him the price of a giant generator from a particular company that people have accused of being the mafia behind the poor public power supply (how, I do not know). Dear President Yar Adua, you see what you are doing to people like Opa Williams? Soon, someone will mistake his office for a generator warehouse and one day ask the price for one of his yellow ones. To God be the glory sha.
... As Ejike Asiegbu goes to school
FORMER president of Actors Guild of Nigeria, Ejike Asiegbu, as you are reading this, may have travelled to Enugu State to begin a crash course on how to fix mobile phones, especially barring calls from some particular persons (there are so many enemies in Nollywood now). He was so worked up on how to bar a particular number that had been pestering him for quite some time last week at a popular hangout, and then he recalls that Chinedu, one of the Aki and Paw Paw duos, had taught him in the past. So, he pulled a call across to the pint size fella (don’t know whether he is the Aki or Paw Paw anyway). The midget ran him through the process, but long after they had talked, Ejike was still battling with his phone. Someone suggested he took a flight to Enugu (where the midget actor lives) and take a two-week course. He bought the idea, so do not be surprised when you run into the giant actor at the local wing of the airport and he tells you he is coming from Enugu. You don’t need to ask him what he went for.
Osuagwu eats a baby whale
COMEDIAN, Victor Osuagwu, popularly called Man Na Mumu, and a friend on Tuesday, ate a grilled fish that could pass for a baby whale! The waiter at the popular hangout in National Stadium, Surulere, had a difficult time ferrying the fish from the kitchen to Osuagwu’s table that evening. To add to her woes, the waiter brought it with chips. Victor and his fair-complexion friend settled down to demolish the whale-like fish and T4T noticed that it took them barely 15 minutes to down the giant grilled fish! Geez, that was fast. Even Usain Bolt was not as fast as the duo when he broke the world record and became the fastest man. Victor, friend, keep it up but remember that there is a portion in the bible that condemns unwise eating and gluttony abi?
Saturday, 9 January 2010
Teeth 4 Teeth
BY JUSTIN AKPOVI-ESADE
Tuvie James Is A ‘Star’
T4T was tired and wanted to retire for the night, but as he got to the glass doors of O’jez, he ran into Nollywood actor, James Tuvie and another fringe actor — who is always seen playing robber and thug in most films. They both stood trying to look through the door as T4T got there. He overheard the glorified waka pass actor say to Tuvie “any star inside?”. That got T4T’s attention, who stepped aside to see how the mini drama would play out. Tuvie looked hard through the glass door, and with a shrug —which means, there was no known star inside that would make them go in that evening — they both walked away. Hmmm, the import of this little story is that, most ‘stars’ would not want to sit where their fellow stars are not seated. They do not want to mingle with ‘common’ people like us. That is good, because there is even a popular adage that says, ‘birds of the same feathers, flock together.” But wait o, if one will excuse Tuvie (at least he can be called a ‘star’), what about the other waka pass guy? A butterfly sometimes think it is a bird… Na dia I talk reach o.
... As Chuma Blows Hot
EXPECTEDLY, ‘sacrificed’ General Secretary of the Actors Guild of Nigeria, Chuma Onwudiwe, has intensified efforts to reclaim his mandate. Saw the comedy actor on Agbonyin Avenue, Surulere, Lagos holding court with some people who call the shots in Nollywood. As T4T drove his tuke tuke past the group standing close together on the street by Chuma’s car, no one needed to be told what the meeting was all about. Chuma was as usual spitting venom from his mouth (the way he gesticulated, and facial expression said it all) and the other three people (names withheld) were listening with rapt attention. Chuma is strategising and soon, he will strike back as he had promised. T4T hailed him as he drove by, he barely saw me. Dis mata strong pass as I tink!
Femi Wright... The Puzzle
THE puzzle one is trying to solve at the moment was what Yoruba yellow paw paw actor Femi Wright was doing on Irapada Church Street, Itire, on New Year’s day very early in the morning. The tall huge actor, spotting a green short and a baseball cap drawn down his face, perhaps to shield his identity, walked with a fellow who was exhibiting all his swagger ( e easy to waka wit actor?). T4T was minding his business (as if im go mind anoda peson own) when he saw the actor walking suspiciously, his face down even with the baseball. When he got to Mutairu end of Irapada, he was hailed by some touts, he just waved back and hurried off. T4T who was trailing him all this while (dis T4T get work so?), saw that he was still walking with no intention of stopping, so I stopped. Next time, we would find out where he got to, but one still needs an answer to where he was coming from that early? Does he live around that place? No, because that is T4T’s lair, so bros must have grooved from New Year’s eve and passed the night in that area. He is a real responsible family man! Na talk i talk o.
Sonny MacDon’s Snow White
RECALL the story of Snow white and the seven dwarves? Yes, then take your mind to how white her gown is... fine, that is how whitish Nollywood actor Sonny MacDon’s beards are now! This piece is authoritative. Met MacDon on O’jez staircase and I was almost tempted to fall into a shock, thinking I had run into Prof. Wole Soyinka. In fact, MacDon will beat Prof hands down if they ever decide to compete for the whitest bia bia. I told MacDon so and he was quick to remind me that a bearer of salt does not wish for rain to fall. Well, I don’t understand him because I have no grey hairs and it does not run in my family, so Mr. MacDon, I am not a bearer of any salt, whether in a bag or poly bag.
Leo’s New Status
SINCE Nollywood star Leo Mezie came back from Abia State where he took other Nollywood stars to see the state governor, his status has improved tremendously. Leo was the first to offer T4T a drink and food at O’jez days after he returned from the profitable trip. I have seen Leo on two occasions with his wife-to-be, downstairs at O’jez where he proudly announced that he was going upstairs to get FISH (emphasis his). Hmmm, Leo left his Maryland home to Surulere to get fish? You see the life of a big boy? When I grow up, I will like to be like Leo Mezie!
Rachael Oniga Dears... Sorry, Dares Them
NOLLYWOOD actress Rachael Oniga is one woman I respect in the movie world. She is good at what she does, no doubt, but what on earth was going on inside her when she made a big grammatical blunder in a movie I was watching on Hi Nolly? Rachael proudly announced in one of her lines when she was scolding her daughter: “How dear you?” I guess Mama Rachael meant to say, “How dare you?”
Tuvie James Is A ‘Star’
T4T was tired and wanted to retire for the night, but as he got to the glass doors of O’jez, he ran into Nollywood actor, James Tuvie and another fringe actor — who is always seen playing robber and thug in most films. They both stood trying to look through the door as T4T got there. He overheard the glorified waka pass actor say to Tuvie “any star inside?”. That got T4T’s attention, who stepped aside to see how the mini drama would play out. Tuvie looked hard through the glass door, and with a shrug —which means, there was no known star inside that would make them go in that evening — they both walked away. Hmmm, the import of this little story is that, most ‘stars’ would not want to sit where their fellow stars are not seated. They do not want to mingle with ‘common’ people like us. That is good, because there is even a popular adage that says, ‘birds of the same feathers, flock together.” But wait o, if one will excuse Tuvie (at least he can be called a ‘star’), what about the other waka pass guy? A butterfly sometimes think it is a bird… Na dia I talk reach o.
... As Chuma Blows Hot
EXPECTEDLY, ‘sacrificed’ General Secretary of the Actors Guild of Nigeria, Chuma Onwudiwe, has intensified efforts to reclaim his mandate. Saw the comedy actor on Agbonyin Avenue, Surulere, Lagos holding court with some people who call the shots in Nollywood. As T4T drove his tuke tuke past the group standing close together on the street by Chuma’s car, no one needed to be told what the meeting was all about. Chuma was as usual spitting venom from his mouth (the way he gesticulated, and facial expression said it all) and the other three people (names withheld) were listening with rapt attention. Chuma is strategising and soon, he will strike back as he had promised. T4T hailed him as he drove by, he barely saw me. Dis mata strong pass as I tink!
Femi Wright... The Puzzle
THE puzzle one is trying to solve at the moment was what Yoruba yellow paw paw actor Femi Wright was doing on Irapada Church Street, Itire, on New Year’s day very early in the morning. The tall huge actor, spotting a green short and a baseball cap drawn down his face, perhaps to shield his identity, walked with a fellow who was exhibiting all his swagger ( e easy to waka wit actor?). T4T was minding his business (as if im go mind anoda peson own) when he saw the actor walking suspiciously, his face down even with the baseball. When he got to Mutairu end of Irapada, he was hailed by some touts, he just waved back and hurried off. T4T who was trailing him all this while (dis T4T get work so?), saw that he was still walking with no intention of stopping, so I stopped. Next time, we would find out where he got to, but one still needs an answer to where he was coming from that early? Does he live around that place? No, because that is T4T’s lair, so bros must have grooved from New Year’s eve and passed the night in that area. He is a real responsible family man! Na talk i talk o.
Sonny MacDon’s Snow White
RECALL the story of Snow white and the seven dwarves? Yes, then take your mind to how white her gown is... fine, that is how whitish Nollywood actor Sonny MacDon’s beards are now! This piece is authoritative. Met MacDon on O’jez staircase and I was almost tempted to fall into a shock, thinking I had run into Prof. Wole Soyinka. In fact, MacDon will beat Prof hands down if they ever decide to compete for the whitest bia bia. I told MacDon so and he was quick to remind me that a bearer of salt does not wish for rain to fall. Well, I don’t understand him because I have no grey hairs and it does not run in my family, so Mr. MacDon, I am not a bearer of any salt, whether in a bag or poly bag.
Leo’s New Status
SINCE Nollywood star Leo Mezie came back from Abia State where he took other Nollywood stars to see the state governor, his status has improved tremendously. Leo was the first to offer T4T a drink and food at O’jez days after he returned from the profitable trip. I have seen Leo on two occasions with his wife-to-be, downstairs at O’jez where he proudly announced that he was going upstairs to get FISH (emphasis his). Hmmm, Leo left his Maryland home to Surulere to get fish? You see the life of a big boy? When I grow up, I will like to be like Leo Mezie!
Rachael Oniga Dears... Sorry, Dares Them
NOLLYWOOD actress Rachael Oniga is one woman I respect in the movie world. She is good at what she does, no doubt, but what on earth was going on inside her when she made a big grammatical blunder in a movie I was watching on Hi Nolly? Rachael proudly announced in one of her lines when she was scolding her daughter: “How dear you?” I guess Mama Rachael meant to say, “How dare you?”
Monday, 4 January 2010
TEETH 4 TEETH
BY JUSTIN AKPOVI-ESADE
Smith, Elenu and Shakara’s large appetite
WAVE making young comedians, MC Shakara, Emeka Smith and Elenu all walked into O’jez last week Thursday at about 7pm and immediately one knew there was going to be an incident. As they set eyes on T4T, Elenu and Smith made to run out through the glass doors. The guilty are afraid, according to James Hadley Chase! That even made T4T watch closely their activities. The trio had a brief meeting with a top show promoter all huddled together talking in low tones (guess, they didn’t want anybody to hear the performance fee). Then the feasting began. Hot plates of Chinese rice in wooden plates began making their way to the comedians’ table. In quick succession, the hissing sound of the spicy rice arrived their table. You needed to see the eyes of the young comics who are all comedian AY’s protégés. They attacked the food with the ferocity of a Lion and when the drinks started coming nko? It was the same story. I now know why Elenu is putting on so much weight that his designer trousers and shirt are crying for emancipation like the Niger Deltans. Keep it up my brothers, there was a time in the recent past when to see mony transport come O’jez na Iraq war, but see na, dem don dey run bill of over 10 grand a nite. God is good!
Bovi’s a father now
TALENTED comedian, Bovi, is now a father. T4T got an SMS last week announcing ‘mama na boy’ from Bovi. What the comedian has not told anyone is when and where the party is holding. Trust a Niger Deltan, he has craftily edited that part from the SMS. Anyway, congrats, but know that you can only run, you can’t hide, you follow people drink dia drink, people mus to follow you drink ya own. Na so life dey take sweet. Do me I do you... God... sorry, man no dey vex.
Seyi Law’s mansion in Ikorodu
COMEDIAN, Seyi Law, has joined other artistes in the new craze to own houses in Ikorodu suburb of Lagos. T4T’s investigation revealed that Law moved to join his master AY after he paid a visit to AY’s expansive mansion. The former phone booth (popularly called ‘Business Centre’) operator, who was discovered by AY some couple of years ago, now lives in a mansion. He drives a Mercedes Benz ML SUV. Life dey beta pass like dat? Please Seyi, remeba ya senior broda (that is me) as you don hamma so. To God be the glory!
Ernest Asuzu’s a married man
FORMER Nollywood hip actor, Ernest Asuzu, is married. This piece of news came from the horse’s mouth. He walked into O’jez last week and announced to T4T why he had been off the radar for over two months. “I went to get married,” he said proudly. Hmmm, dat kain marriage wey dem use almost two months do so... oh, I understand now. Ernesto may have gone the real traditional Biblical path of staying and working in the farm of the father-in-law for that two months before he is deemed worthy of being given a wife. Yes, it may be true o. Anyway, saw the actor cum rap act on Sunday at the celebrity hangout spotting a big gold chain, the type worn by American rap stars. He was holding a walking stick. I guess this is the new outfit of a married Ernest. I am happy for him o.
Charles Novia’s still highly spiritual
MOVIE/music producer, Charles Novia, left his Lekki millionaire playground to visit small people’s area on Sunday. He was sitting close to T4T at the celebrity hangout. Then something crossed my mind that I had not tested the ‘spirituality’ of Novia in a long while. I will explain. The producer was so close to Majek Fashek, the reggae icon that is believed to be heading for self-destruct with his alcoholic habit and Majek’s will never stop saying everything is ‘spiritual’ including his rumoured alcohol habit. So, Novia picked the bug. It thus became a habit to test his ‘spirituality’, which was what one did on Sunday. And expectedly, Novia replied: “Yes, it is a spiritual thing you know.” Bros, remeba your left, na so Majek shout spiritual befor tins com really be spiritual. A word is... fill in the blank spaces.
Segun Arinze makes peace with T4T
YOU may have read how new president of the Actors Guild of Nigeria, Segun Arinze, walked through T4T last week as if he was an opened door. Well, he apologised on Sunday when he ran into T4T at the same O’jez. He said his eyes were not seeing well that evening. Apologies accepted but dis one wey you no dey see road after just two months as president, make u no go blind after two years. Ask Ejike Asiegbu how hot the seat is and make up your mind.
ogbuus@yahoo.com
Smith, Elenu and Shakara’s large appetite
WAVE making young comedians, MC Shakara, Emeka Smith and Elenu all walked into O’jez last week Thursday at about 7pm and immediately one knew there was going to be an incident. As they set eyes on T4T, Elenu and Smith made to run out through the glass doors. The guilty are afraid, according to James Hadley Chase! That even made T4T watch closely their activities. The trio had a brief meeting with a top show promoter all huddled together talking in low tones (guess, they didn’t want anybody to hear the performance fee). Then the feasting began. Hot plates of Chinese rice in wooden plates began making their way to the comedians’ table. In quick succession, the hissing sound of the spicy rice arrived their table. You needed to see the eyes of the young comics who are all comedian AY’s protégés. They attacked the food with the ferocity of a Lion and when the drinks started coming nko? It was the same story. I now know why Elenu is putting on so much weight that his designer trousers and shirt are crying for emancipation like the Niger Deltans. Keep it up my brothers, there was a time in the recent past when to see mony transport come O’jez na Iraq war, but see na, dem don dey run bill of over 10 grand a nite. God is good!
Bovi’s a father now
TALENTED comedian, Bovi, is now a father. T4T got an SMS last week announcing ‘mama na boy’ from Bovi. What the comedian has not told anyone is when and where the party is holding. Trust a Niger Deltan, he has craftily edited that part from the SMS. Anyway, congrats, but know that you can only run, you can’t hide, you follow people drink dia drink, people mus to follow you drink ya own. Na so life dey take sweet. Do me I do you... God... sorry, man no dey vex.
Seyi Law’s mansion in Ikorodu
COMEDIAN, Seyi Law, has joined other artistes in the new craze to own houses in Ikorodu suburb of Lagos. T4T’s investigation revealed that Law moved to join his master AY after he paid a visit to AY’s expansive mansion. The former phone booth (popularly called ‘Business Centre’) operator, who was discovered by AY some couple of years ago, now lives in a mansion. He drives a Mercedes Benz ML SUV. Life dey beta pass like dat? Please Seyi, remeba ya senior broda (that is me) as you don hamma so. To God be the glory!
Ernest Asuzu’s a married man
FORMER Nollywood hip actor, Ernest Asuzu, is married. This piece of news came from the horse’s mouth. He walked into O’jez last week and announced to T4T why he had been off the radar for over two months. “I went to get married,” he said proudly. Hmmm, dat kain marriage wey dem use almost two months do so... oh, I understand now. Ernesto may have gone the real traditional Biblical path of staying and working in the farm of the father-in-law for that two months before he is deemed worthy of being given a wife. Yes, it may be true o. Anyway, saw the actor cum rap act on Sunday at the celebrity hangout spotting a big gold chain, the type worn by American rap stars. He was holding a walking stick. I guess this is the new outfit of a married Ernest. I am happy for him o.
Charles Novia’s still highly spiritual
MOVIE/music producer, Charles Novia, left his Lekki millionaire playground to visit small people’s area on Sunday. He was sitting close to T4T at the celebrity hangout. Then something crossed my mind that I had not tested the ‘spirituality’ of Novia in a long while. I will explain. The producer was so close to Majek Fashek, the reggae icon that is believed to be heading for self-destruct with his alcoholic habit and Majek’s will never stop saying everything is ‘spiritual’ including his rumoured alcohol habit. So, Novia picked the bug. It thus became a habit to test his ‘spirituality’, which was what one did on Sunday. And expectedly, Novia replied: “Yes, it is a spiritual thing you know.” Bros, remeba your left, na so Majek shout spiritual befor tins com really be spiritual. A word is... fill in the blank spaces.
Segun Arinze makes peace with T4T
YOU may have read how new president of the Actors Guild of Nigeria, Segun Arinze, walked through T4T last week as if he was an opened door. Well, he apologised on Sunday when he ran into T4T at the same O’jez. He said his eyes were not seeing well that evening. Apologies accepted but dis one wey you no dey see road after just two months as president, make u no go blind after two years. Ask Ejike Asiegbu how hot the seat is and make up your mind.
ogbuus@yahoo.com
Monday, 14 December 2009
TEETH 4 TEETH
BY JUSTIN AKPOVI-ESADE
Want To See Ali Baba?...
LOG on to Facebook. This is a vital information, especially for those who are eager to establish a rapport with the King of Nigerian comedy, Ali Baba. The first place Ali Baba visits in the morning is Facebook site. As early as 7.30am, the comedian is already logged in. One is beginning to ponder the special attraction Ali has for Facebook, abi na dia im dey get im jokes? You never can tell because if a grown up like Ali wakes up in the morning, had hardly washed his face and the next thing is Facebook!!! There must be more to it, we will surely get to the root of the matter, soon. However, you all now know where to get Ali... just in case he is not taking his calls. As for upcoming comedians, please go to bed with your laptops’ Internet permanently logged on to Facebook. You never can tell, you may become the Prince of Comedy later. Na advice o.
Segun Arinze’s AGN On Fire As K.O.K Fights Back
JUST as T4T predicted, there is a raging storm in the Actors Guild of Nigeria kingdom. K.O.K, the ‘interim president’ that the Board of Trustees asked to step aside for Segun Arinze to rule, has decided to reclaim his ‘mandate’. His argument was that he was given a year to rule and organise an election, so how come he is being asked to step aside after just three months? He allegedly took some touts -- who call themselves actors -- to invade the AGN secretariat set up by former president Ejike Asiegbu and sacked everybody there (in a motor park style). As you read this, K.O.K’s goons are probably standing guard at the secretariat with heavy biceps and chests like billboards. Arinze, according to reports, has again run to the almighty Board of Trustees for cover. The funny part is that K.O.K, according to the source, said he is now the B.O.T chairman while he appointed actor Emeka Ike as AGN president. You will be given real time update as events unfold. This is an unending Nollywood modern epic film.
Jude Orhorha, Congrats!
COMEDY actor Jude Orhorha deserves a big applause. Why? He heeded the voice of reasoning and perhaps went back to his gym. The result was a near slim Jude last week. T4T nearly did not recognise the Urhobo-born actor as he walked into O’jez. He was looking very healthy. Recall T4T warned some months ago that the way Jude was going with fat, he would soon require some form of support to walk about on set of movies. Then, Jude was looking like an over-stuffed Teddy Bear. But thank God, a good friend who may have read the T4T warning, advised him, and the result was what one saw last week. Congrats Jude!
Leo Mezie Hits It Big
NOLLYWOOD star Leo Mezie is one person I respect. He is truly a hustler. As you read this, Leo and about seven Nollywood stars would be on their way back to Lagos from Abia State where they went since on Thursday to pay a courtesy call on the Governor. Leo was the mastermind. He was sighted at O‘jez distributing the flight tickets to the stars who were all smiles. Who won’t smile? We all know what a visit to a serving Governor in Nigeria means, and for Leo the mastermind, is surely made. Well, bros Leo, please remember some of us when you get to ‘paradise’ o.
Help, Kidnappers Are Looking For Victor Osuagwu!
THIS is not a panic alert. Kidnappers may have set a ransom prize for Nollywood comedy star Victor Osuagwu. Nkem Owoh indeed confirmed this worrisome news after his about-a-week ordeal in the hands of these professional kidnappers. He ran into Osuagwu at the local wing of the Murtala Muhammed Airport and told Victor how the kidnappers were jokingly asking for his ‘brother’ that calls himself ‘man na mumu’. Nkem is also a comedy actor, so the ‘brother’ reference is quite understandable.
Owoh then warned Victor to stay clear of the eastern part of the country this Xmas period or anytime in the future. Well, if Nkem Owoh had read this column last week, he would have known that Victor is one step ahead of the kidnappers. He had brought his aged mother to Lagos over a month ago and all his relations (that are ‘kidnappable’) are no longer in the flash point.
Victor is having the last laugh now.
Kefee Sef Don Hamma... Hits A Murano
THIS is the best of times for Nigerian artistes, a period that has seen them launch exotic cars. I told you of the twin Hummer jeeps by the duo of KC Presh recently, fine; gospel singer Kefee is the latest entrant into the world of big car owners.She recently acquired a Murano SUV, following in the footsteps of her big aunty in the showbiz world, Agatha Amata. But wait o, Kefee fit see front if na she go drive the Murano? Na question I ask o. Anyway, close associates claim she bought the multi million naira car just to let the world know that it is her time to shine once more; after a bitter divorce with her producer-husband, Alec, which saw her losing her Mitsubishi Montero SUV to him. Shine on sis, and just like I called KC Presh ‘bros’ (because wen small pikin hamma, even senior dey call am bros), I will call you ‘aunty’. But try remember us o.
Want To See Ali Baba?...
LOG on to Facebook. This is a vital information, especially for those who are eager to establish a rapport with the King of Nigerian comedy, Ali Baba. The first place Ali Baba visits in the morning is Facebook site. As early as 7.30am, the comedian is already logged in. One is beginning to ponder the special attraction Ali has for Facebook, abi na dia im dey get im jokes? You never can tell because if a grown up like Ali wakes up in the morning, had hardly washed his face and the next thing is Facebook!!! There must be more to it, we will surely get to the root of the matter, soon. However, you all now know where to get Ali... just in case he is not taking his calls. As for upcoming comedians, please go to bed with your laptops’ Internet permanently logged on to Facebook. You never can tell, you may become the Prince of Comedy later. Na advice o.
Segun Arinze’s AGN On Fire As K.O.K Fights Back
JUST as T4T predicted, there is a raging storm in the Actors Guild of Nigeria kingdom. K.O.K, the ‘interim president’ that the Board of Trustees asked to step aside for Segun Arinze to rule, has decided to reclaim his ‘mandate’. His argument was that he was given a year to rule and organise an election, so how come he is being asked to step aside after just three months? He allegedly took some touts -- who call themselves actors -- to invade the AGN secretariat set up by former president Ejike Asiegbu and sacked everybody there (in a motor park style). As you read this, K.O.K’s goons are probably standing guard at the secretariat with heavy biceps and chests like billboards. Arinze, according to reports, has again run to the almighty Board of Trustees for cover. The funny part is that K.O.K, according to the source, said he is now the B.O.T chairman while he appointed actor Emeka Ike as AGN president. You will be given real time update as events unfold. This is an unending Nollywood modern epic film.
Jude Orhorha, Congrats!
COMEDY actor Jude Orhorha deserves a big applause. Why? He heeded the voice of reasoning and perhaps went back to his gym. The result was a near slim Jude last week. T4T nearly did not recognise the Urhobo-born actor as he walked into O’jez. He was looking very healthy. Recall T4T warned some months ago that the way Jude was going with fat, he would soon require some form of support to walk about on set of movies. Then, Jude was looking like an over-stuffed Teddy Bear. But thank God, a good friend who may have read the T4T warning, advised him, and the result was what one saw last week. Congrats Jude!
Leo Mezie Hits It Big
NOLLYWOOD star Leo Mezie is one person I respect. He is truly a hustler. As you read this, Leo and about seven Nollywood stars would be on their way back to Lagos from Abia State where they went since on Thursday to pay a courtesy call on the Governor. Leo was the mastermind. He was sighted at O‘jez distributing the flight tickets to the stars who were all smiles. Who won’t smile? We all know what a visit to a serving Governor in Nigeria means, and for Leo the mastermind, is surely made. Well, bros Leo, please remember some of us when you get to ‘paradise’ o.
Help, Kidnappers Are Looking For Victor Osuagwu!
THIS is not a panic alert. Kidnappers may have set a ransom prize for Nollywood comedy star Victor Osuagwu. Nkem Owoh indeed confirmed this worrisome news after his about-a-week ordeal in the hands of these professional kidnappers. He ran into Osuagwu at the local wing of the Murtala Muhammed Airport and told Victor how the kidnappers were jokingly asking for his ‘brother’ that calls himself ‘man na mumu’. Nkem is also a comedy actor, so the ‘brother’ reference is quite understandable.
Owoh then warned Victor to stay clear of the eastern part of the country this Xmas period or anytime in the future. Well, if Nkem Owoh had read this column last week, he would have known that Victor is one step ahead of the kidnappers. He had brought his aged mother to Lagos over a month ago and all his relations (that are ‘kidnappable’) are no longer in the flash point.
Victor is having the last laugh now.
Kefee Sef Don Hamma... Hits A Murano
THIS is the best of times for Nigerian artistes, a period that has seen them launch exotic cars. I told you of the twin Hummer jeeps by the duo of KC Presh recently, fine; gospel singer Kefee is the latest entrant into the world of big car owners.She recently acquired a Murano SUV, following in the footsteps of her big aunty in the showbiz world, Agatha Amata. But wait o, Kefee fit see front if na she go drive the Murano? Na question I ask o. Anyway, close associates claim she bought the multi million naira car just to let the world know that it is her time to shine once more; after a bitter divorce with her producer-husband, Alec, which saw her losing her Mitsubishi Montero SUV to him. Shine on sis, and just like I called KC Presh ‘bros’ (because wen small pikin hamma, even senior dey call am bros), I will call you ‘aunty’. But try remember us o.
Monday, 7 December 2009
TEETH 4 TEETH
BY JUSTIN AKPOVI-ESADE
Patrick Doyle’s now a ‘hustler’
ACTOR, TV personality Patrick Doyle is now a hustler. This news is authoritative and it came from the horse’s (sorry, Doyle’s) mouth. The giant of a man that alighted from the plane and was no doubt the biggest human being walking on the tarmac of the desolate Calabar Airport could only be Patrick Doyle. His trademark suit and un-tucked long sleeves shirt completed the identification. Time was about 9.30am. T4T took note. Then at exactly 5pm on the same day (Monday, November 30), T4T ran into Doyle again in the departure wing of the same airport. He could not resist the temptation to ask about this newfound energy. Doyle confided in T4T that he had left everything entertainment, and that he now hustles. Well, only the actor can define his kind of hustling, but be sure that as soon as we find out, you will be the first to know why Doyle will wake up so early (at his age) and fly to Calabar and return that same day.
... Still on P. D.
IN case the P. D gets you confused, it simply means Patrick Doyle. All was well since the Arik plane took off from Calabar at about 6pm that fateful day. But that could not be said of the situation, when it eventually landed in Lagos. I think the pilot in charge of that flight needs a crash course on how to land a plane. Captain Philips, I guess, practically slammed down the plane with a heavy thud on the tarmac. In fact, the little kulikuli T4T and others ate nearly came through the mouth and nose as all passengers were jolted. T4T took a peep at P.D in the darkened bowel of the plane. His countenance will make a good act in a Nollywood film where someone just saw a ghost. Well, bros, hustler dey see many tins, I hope you don redy? Na part of the experience wey dey make am sweet be dat.
Keke and I D Ogungbe: Money Is Good
TELEVISION/entertainment brothers, Kenny and I D Ogungbe, are big boys, in fact, ‘bigger boys’; if not, how would you explain a situation where the two brothers arrived at a function in a twin Range Rover (some say 2010 models), same white colour and when they wanted to leave, I D (the younger, Ogungbe) was confused about the identity of his Range Rover. I D stood for minutes contemplating, which one was his car among the two machines parked some metres apart! He finally found his. The import of this story is that money is good. When I grow up, Keke, ID, I wish not to identify my car among two identical cars. At the moment, T4T’s tuke tuke stands out among all others, with bent fenders, broken side mirrors etc. To God be the glory!
Emeka Enyiocha’s Unpatriotic 2
YOU needed to see Nollywood star, Emeka Enyiocha, last Sunday as he stepped into O’jez. He was a moving Chelsea billboard. From his jersey, baseball cap, belt buckle and wristband, Emmy boy, was all Blues. Reason: Chelsea some minutes eralier whipped college boys, Arsenal. His swagger was 100 per cent. Good, recall the last time I told you how Emeka went to Russia to watch Chelsea fall to Manchester United at the Champions League finals? He was happy with himself, but the truth is, Emmy is an unpatriotic Nigerian star. He should be spotting the jerseys of local clubs such as Enyimba, Wikki Tourists, Kano Pillars etc. Madam Akunyili, please ensure you take the rebranding Nigeria campaign to Emeka’s home.
Eedris ‘Jagajaga’ Is Back?
NEWSPAPERS have been awash with the imminent return of self-styled king of hip-hop in Nigeria, Eedris Abdulkarim, to the music scene. Since the rap act fought American music star, 50 Cent, over a plane’s first class seat some years ago, his career went on self-destruct. From major concerts he was playing, he began to feature at colleges’ beauty pageants. Some people actually claimed things were so tough he was playing at local beer parlours! But he repented and begged 50 Cent at a show in Abuja where the American told him to ‘go and sin no more’.
But the closure he expected did not come. However, reports have it that he has finished a hit album that may surpass his Jagajaga album. I am therefore appealing on behalf of Eedris to concert organisers (the big ones o) to please see Eedris as a prodigal son and try him out again. He has promised not to fight anyone over anything, not even over a seat at pubs or peppersoup joint. In fact, if he is given another chance, he is ready to sit near the toilet of the plane (attachment); so far he arrives at the venue and performs. He has learnt his lessons and that portion of the bible that talks about humility is Eedris’ favourite read now God is great.
See What Marriage Has Done To Bovi!
MULTI-TALENTED comedian and actor, Bovi, was a thin man when he finished school and became a comedian. Even as he climbed to become one of the nation’s best at the moment, he remained thin. Then suddenly, he took a wise decision to get married (his detractors said he was making too much money) some months ago. T4T did not nearly recognise Bovi when he walked into the popular hangout at the National Stadium on Sunday; some minutes after unpatriotic Emeka Enyiocha came in. His face is getting fuller. He was looking like one who just left the fattening room without completing his course. On enquiry from some of his detractors, they claimed marriage was responsible for his present robust state.
Very good Bovi, but remember you are just some few months into the life race of marriage, naim you be like dis so? Wetin dem Ali Baba, Okey Bakassi and other comedians wey don marry since for don be na. Advice. Remember the advice wey dem giv Thunder Balogun: ‘Remember your left.’
... As A Y Goes To Ikorodu
WHOEVER gave ace comedian A Y the advice to relocate to Ikorodu is a wicked person. T4T was shocked to hear that A Y had left his Surulere, Lagos apartment to a mansion in Ikorodu. Even if one was given an estate, he needs to think properly before leaving Lagos to that suburb. But A Y did not think, he was shown the mansion and he sped off with his family. My prayers now is not for A Y to see a good estate in Ore, Ondo State later and decide to move there so he would be coming to do business in Lagos. By then, he will need a helicopter. Traffic hold up will take A Y’s eyes to see pepper in that Ikorodu. He did not learn from Opa Williams’ experience, who finished his mansion in Okokomaiko area of Lagos, and moved from his Surulere home. The number of times he sleeps in Surulere because Okoko road is blocked cannot be counted. We will keep you posted.
Basket Mouth Loses Dad
COMEDIAN Bright Okpocha popularly called Basket Mouth lost his dad. He was buried on Saturday. This is on a sad note, but Basket, don’t worry, all is well. At least, two of us n
Patrick Doyle’s now a ‘hustler’
ACTOR, TV personality Patrick Doyle is now a hustler. This news is authoritative and it came from the horse’s (sorry, Doyle’s) mouth. The giant of a man that alighted from the plane and was no doubt the biggest human being walking on the tarmac of the desolate Calabar Airport could only be Patrick Doyle. His trademark suit and un-tucked long sleeves shirt completed the identification. Time was about 9.30am. T4T took note. Then at exactly 5pm on the same day (Monday, November 30), T4T ran into Doyle again in the departure wing of the same airport. He could not resist the temptation to ask about this newfound energy. Doyle confided in T4T that he had left everything entertainment, and that he now hustles. Well, only the actor can define his kind of hustling, but be sure that as soon as we find out, you will be the first to know why Doyle will wake up so early (at his age) and fly to Calabar and return that same day.
... Still on P. D.
IN case the P. D gets you confused, it simply means Patrick Doyle. All was well since the Arik plane took off from Calabar at about 6pm that fateful day. But that could not be said of the situation, when it eventually landed in Lagos. I think the pilot in charge of that flight needs a crash course on how to land a plane. Captain Philips, I guess, practically slammed down the plane with a heavy thud on the tarmac. In fact, the little kulikuli T4T and others ate nearly came through the mouth and nose as all passengers were jolted. T4T took a peep at P.D in the darkened bowel of the plane. His countenance will make a good act in a Nollywood film where someone just saw a ghost. Well, bros, hustler dey see many tins, I hope you don redy? Na part of the experience wey dey make am sweet be dat.
Keke and I D Ogungbe: Money Is Good
TELEVISION/entertainment brothers, Kenny and I D Ogungbe, are big boys, in fact, ‘bigger boys’; if not, how would you explain a situation where the two brothers arrived at a function in a twin Range Rover (some say 2010 models), same white colour and when they wanted to leave, I D (the younger, Ogungbe) was confused about the identity of his Range Rover. I D stood for minutes contemplating, which one was his car among the two machines parked some metres apart! He finally found his. The import of this story is that money is good. When I grow up, Keke, ID, I wish not to identify my car among two identical cars. At the moment, T4T’s tuke tuke stands out among all others, with bent fenders, broken side mirrors etc. To God be the glory!
Emeka Enyiocha’s Unpatriotic 2
YOU needed to see Nollywood star, Emeka Enyiocha, last Sunday as he stepped into O’jez. He was a moving Chelsea billboard. From his jersey, baseball cap, belt buckle and wristband, Emmy boy, was all Blues. Reason: Chelsea some minutes eralier whipped college boys, Arsenal. His swagger was 100 per cent. Good, recall the last time I told you how Emeka went to Russia to watch Chelsea fall to Manchester United at the Champions League finals? He was happy with himself, but the truth is, Emmy is an unpatriotic Nigerian star. He should be spotting the jerseys of local clubs such as Enyimba, Wikki Tourists, Kano Pillars etc. Madam Akunyili, please ensure you take the rebranding Nigeria campaign to Emeka’s home.
Eedris ‘Jagajaga’ Is Back?
NEWSPAPERS have been awash with the imminent return of self-styled king of hip-hop in Nigeria, Eedris Abdulkarim, to the music scene. Since the rap act fought American music star, 50 Cent, over a plane’s first class seat some years ago, his career went on self-destruct. From major concerts he was playing, he began to feature at colleges’ beauty pageants. Some people actually claimed things were so tough he was playing at local beer parlours! But he repented and begged 50 Cent at a show in Abuja where the American told him to ‘go and sin no more’.
But the closure he expected did not come. However, reports have it that he has finished a hit album that may surpass his Jagajaga album. I am therefore appealing on behalf of Eedris to concert organisers (the big ones o) to please see Eedris as a prodigal son and try him out again. He has promised not to fight anyone over anything, not even over a seat at pubs or peppersoup joint. In fact, if he is given another chance, he is ready to sit near the toilet of the plane (attachment); so far he arrives at the venue and performs. He has learnt his lessons and that portion of the bible that talks about humility is Eedris’ favourite read now God is great.
See What Marriage Has Done To Bovi!
MULTI-TALENTED comedian and actor, Bovi, was a thin man when he finished school and became a comedian. Even as he climbed to become one of the nation’s best at the moment, he remained thin. Then suddenly, he took a wise decision to get married (his detractors said he was making too much money) some months ago. T4T did not nearly recognise Bovi when he walked into the popular hangout at the National Stadium on Sunday; some minutes after unpatriotic Emeka Enyiocha came in. His face is getting fuller. He was looking like one who just left the fattening room without completing his course. On enquiry from some of his detractors, they claimed marriage was responsible for his present robust state.
Very good Bovi, but remember you are just some few months into the life race of marriage, naim you be like dis so? Wetin dem Ali Baba, Okey Bakassi and other comedians wey don marry since for don be na. Advice. Remember the advice wey dem giv Thunder Balogun: ‘Remember your left.’
... As A Y Goes To Ikorodu
WHOEVER gave ace comedian A Y the advice to relocate to Ikorodu is a wicked person. T4T was shocked to hear that A Y had left his Surulere, Lagos apartment to a mansion in Ikorodu. Even if one was given an estate, he needs to think properly before leaving Lagos to that suburb. But A Y did not think, he was shown the mansion and he sped off with his family. My prayers now is not for A Y to see a good estate in Ore, Ondo State later and decide to move there so he would be coming to do business in Lagos. By then, he will need a helicopter. Traffic hold up will take A Y’s eyes to see pepper in that Ikorodu. He did not learn from Opa Williams’ experience, who finished his mansion in Okokomaiko area of Lagos, and moved from his Surulere home. The number of times he sleeps in Surulere because Okoko road is blocked cannot be counted. We will keep you posted.
Basket Mouth Loses Dad
COMEDIAN Bright Okpocha popularly called Basket Mouth lost his dad. He was buried on Saturday. This is on a sad note, but Basket, don’t worry, all is well. At least, two of us n
Saturday, 28 November 2009
TEETH 4 TEETH
BY JUSTIN AKPOVI-ESADE
At K C’s brother’s wedding
DO you know the singing duo K C Presh? Good, then you must know the brother of one of the singers, KC (can’t place his name) but they sure look alike. Well, the issue is, the guy made the whole of Lagos to know just how rich KC Presh are now, when he married recently. The singers, in fact, scattered the wedding reception with crisp N1, 000 notes. They rented a Limo for their brother as the official wedding car and ensured that only Champagne was served throughout the event. A source, who told the story, was amazed. T4T is happy for these young men, who also bought themselves two Hummer SUVs to attend the wedding (if na dem dey marry, na Jet dem for buy). How life changes, these are two ordinary guys who were struggling to feed some couple of years ago. They were always hovering around Charly Boy’s caravan he called an office, singing skits in his Charly Boy Show. Now, see small boys wey don hamma. But wait o, make una remember una left o; musician no dey reign for ever o. Felix Liberty some time ago, buy Mercedes Benz Cyclone...
Na dia I talk reach o.
... Still On K C Presh
T4T had cause to go green with sweet envy when on Sunday, the latest millionaire singers in town stormed O’jez, perhaps to show off their wonder on wheels Hummer. As usual, the over 100 swirling lights on the body of the two monster cars, caused quite a stir at the parking lot of the celebrity outfit. Then in a swagger that will make P Diddy shrink in envy, KC Presh and KC’s brother that got married came down in a blaze of glory. It was a sight to behold, money is good! The waiters fell over themselves to make them comfortable as over four tables were added together. Moet and all kinds of labels were lined in-state waiting to be ‘buried’. A mental calculation of what was on the table in a flash was enough to buy an Okada.
Wen small pikins get money pass im senior, na bros dem dey call am. So, bros KC Presh, make una remeba una senior bros o o.
Diggitty Dunhill’s Smart Move
SINGER and fringe Nollywood actor, Diggitty Dunhill, pulled a fast one that evening that K C Presh stormed the popular hangout on National Stadium complex, Surulere. T4T was climbing downstairs with Dunhill and the general agreement was that the evening was a boring one and so it was home to the family. As we watched the scene and the commotion being caused by the superstars, Dunhill’s face was ashen. And before you could say ‘hey’, bros Dunhill had taken a seat by the heavily laden table. What surprised one the more was that, he totally ignored T4T as if no be two of dem dey waka come before. See how life be? Anyway, Dunhill, na who no like beta tin?
Fear Of Kidnapers...
... IS the beginning of wisdom for Nollywood stars this Xmas. With the kidnap and release of Nollywood actor, Nkem Owoh, all the stars, especially of Igbo extraction, have vowed never to set foot on home soil this Yuletide. Victor Osuagwu and Ejike Asiegbu were overheard discussing the issue in low tones at the celebrity hangout. Victor has gone far by bringing his aged mother to Lagos and Ejike is working on plans to extract his over 80 years father to Lagos.
Who say eye wey dey cry no dey see road?
ogbuus@yahoo.com
At K C’s brother’s wedding
DO you know the singing duo K C Presh? Good, then you must know the brother of one of the singers, KC (can’t place his name) but they sure look alike. Well, the issue is, the guy made the whole of Lagos to know just how rich KC Presh are now, when he married recently. The singers, in fact, scattered the wedding reception with crisp N1, 000 notes. They rented a Limo for their brother as the official wedding car and ensured that only Champagne was served throughout the event. A source, who told the story, was amazed. T4T is happy for these young men, who also bought themselves two Hummer SUVs to attend the wedding (if na dem dey marry, na Jet dem for buy). How life changes, these are two ordinary guys who were struggling to feed some couple of years ago. They were always hovering around Charly Boy’s caravan he called an office, singing skits in his Charly Boy Show. Now, see small boys wey don hamma. But wait o, make una remember una left o; musician no dey reign for ever o. Felix Liberty some time ago, buy Mercedes Benz Cyclone...
Na dia I talk reach o.
... Still On K C Presh
T4T had cause to go green with sweet envy when on Sunday, the latest millionaire singers in town stormed O’jez, perhaps to show off their wonder on wheels Hummer. As usual, the over 100 swirling lights on the body of the two monster cars, caused quite a stir at the parking lot of the celebrity outfit. Then in a swagger that will make P Diddy shrink in envy, KC Presh and KC’s brother that got married came down in a blaze of glory. It was a sight to behold, money is good! The waiters fell over themselves to make them comfortable as over four tables were added together. Moet and all kinds of labels were lined in-state waiting to be ‘buried’. A mental calculation of what was on the table in a flash was enough to buy an Okada.
Wen small pikins get money pass im senior, na bros dem dey call am. So, bros KC Presh, make una remeba una senior bros o o.
Diggitty Dunhill’s Smart Move
SINGER and fringe Nollywood actor, Diggitty Dunhill, pulled a fast one that evening that K C Presh stormed the popular hangout on National Stadium complex, Surulere. T4T was climbing downstairs with Dunhill and the general agreement was that the evening was a boring one and so it was home to the family. As we watched the scene and the commotion being caused by the superstars, Dunhill’s face was ashen. And before you could say ‘hey’, bros Dunhill had taken a seat by the heavily laden table. What surprised one the more was that, he totally ignored T4T as if no be two of dem dey waka come before. See how life be? Anyway, Dunhill, na who no like beta tin?
Fear Of Kidnapers...
... IS the beginning of wisdom for Nollywood stars this Xmas. With the kidnap and release of Nollywood actor, Nkem Owoh, all the stars, especially of Igbo extraction, have vowed never to set foot on home soil this Yuletide. Victor Osuagwu and Ejike Asiegbu were overheard discussing the issue in low tones at the celebrity hangout. Victor has gone far by bringing his aged mother to Lagos and Ejike is working on plans to extract his over 80 years father to Lagos.
Who say eye wey dey cry no dey see road?
ogbuus@yahoo.com
Saturday, 21 November 2009
TEETH 4 TEETH
BY JUSTIN AKPOVI-ESADE
Sam Loco’s Alomo Bitters
VETERAN actor, Sam Loco, has kicked the smoking habit for almost two years now, and that is good news because at his age, Loco was reportedly smoking away his heart with a minimum of eight packs a day. He had also kicked beer habit, which reliable reports say he used to consume over a carton daily. Well, the not too good news is that Uncle Loco has switched over to another alcoholic beverage popularly called Alomo Bitters. Believed to be medicinal (a claim many have disputed), Uncle Loco practically drowns himself in the ‘medicinal’ concoction from Ghana. He takes along about seven mini bottles daily to location. How he manages to stay on his feet and play his movie roles is what researchers (possibly from the UK) will attempt to find out.
Verdict: At almost 70 years of age; Loco is a super human being!
Victor Osuagwu’s clean-shaven
RAN into the comedian, Victor Osuagwu, at O’jez on Tuesday night and I almost did not recognise him. His famous thick moustache was gone; he was looking confused like a fish out of water. He was the first to announce to T4T why he shaved his identity moustache. Victor just finished work on a movie, where he played as a woman, Victor a woman? With that belly? Dis Nollywood people no go kill us! Anyway, we are waiting for the movie to be released from Idumota Market. Can’t wait to see Victor as a woman, but another issue is that Victor that night was intentionally aiming to drown himself in stout. It was a wonder he drove home that night. Keep it up; at least you have an uncle in Sam Loco who is worthy of emulation. To God be the glory.
Chuma’s In Hospital
SECRETARY General of the Actors Guild of Nigeria, Chuma Onwudiwe, is in hospital. He checked himself in last week. To many of us, the news did not come as a surprise, what with all the wahala he’s been through recently. In case you are not in the know, AGN president Segun Arinze reportedly sacrificed Chuma and Lolo, his Secretary and Treasurer when the Board of Trustees pressured him to form Government of National Unity (GNU). Chuma who was just recovering from the hassles of the Port Harcourt election, could not take the fresh news of his ‘overthrow’. He took ill. But T4T in a telephone chat with the fiery comedy actor, promised to take the fight to the appropriate quarters as soon as he is back on his feet again.
This looks like another June 12 struggle and we all hope it doesn’t end like that.
Revealed, real reason Segun Arinze appears jittery
PRESIDENT of the Actors Guild of Nigeria, Segun Arinze, is caught in the middle as the popular saying goes. Recall I promised that I will be giving you real time update on the oncoming Armageddon in the actors’ body and from information gathered, the real reason Arinze ‘sold’ his secretary and treasurer to appease the Board of Trustees, is because Kanayo O. Kanayo, a strong contender to the AGN throne, recently went to the media to say Segun Arinze did not attend a University or its equivalent, one of the conditions of becoming the AGN president. Well, it is not in my position to say whether Segun went to school at all, but the news is that the Board of Trustees used that as a joker to make him fall into line. Segun is billed to come out publicly to deny the allegation and if you have a pensioner parent like I do, you will understand what the government subjects them to periodically — Operation Certificate Verification, that is what Uncle Sege wants to do shortly. So, to all newsmen, bring your tape recorder, your cameras and be ready to verify Sege’s certificates, when he brings them from the archives.
Charles Inojie’s waddling Style
COMEDY actor Charles Inojie now waddles instead of walking. This piece of news is authoritative. The movie director is so fat now, his face reminds of the famous Michelin man. Saw Charles waddling along Adenrian Ogunsanya Street, Surulere and I could not help but feel for him. His detractor claimed he has made some money recently as he seems to be directing and acting in most Nollywood movies. Advice to Charles: if you think by taking a walk instead of driving will bring down the fat, you should have a rethink, go to the stadium, which is a stone throw from your Adeniran Ogunsanya office.
Remember your left.
‘Travails’ Of The Ultimate Man
AROUND 5.30pm on Wednesday, November 18, T4T sighted the Gulder Ultimate Man 1V at Stadium Bus Stop. It was the Ford Explorer SUV with customised plate number GUS 1V that gave him away. He was sandwiched by three heavily armed policemen. T4T was curious, what informed the decision by policemen to crowd the man who made millions by living in the wild for 21 days in search of a mythical object lost by an ancient tribe? T4T parked his tuke tuke car and waited. The policemen as naturally knew who the guy was, they just wanted a share of his seven million naira (wey the poor boy go don almost eat finish sef). Minutes after, the bobo passed over something to the leader of the greedy policemen and they hailed him non-stop as he drove off. Bro, be careful how you dey dash police ‘sometin’, the day you no get to dash, you fit sleep cell.
A word is enough.
ogbuus@yahoo.com
Sam Loco’s Alomo Bitters
VETERAN actor, Sam Loco, has kicked the smoking habit for almost two years now, and that is good news because at his age, Loco was reportedly smoking away his heart with a minimum of eight packs a day. He had also kicked beer habit, which reliable reports say he used to consume over a carton daily. Well, the not too good news is that Uncle Loco has switched over to another alcoholic beverage popularly called Alomo Bitters. Believed to be medicinal (a claim many have disputed), Uncle Loco practically drowns himself in the ‘medicinal’ concoction from Ghana. He takes along about seven mini bottles daily to location. How he manages to stay on his feet and play his movie roles is what researchers (possibly from the UK) will attempt to find out.
Verdict: At almost 70 years of age; Loco is a super human being!
Victor Osuagwu’s clean-shaven
RAN into the comedian, Victor Osuagwu, at O’jez on Tuesday night and I almost did not recognise him. His famous thick moustache was gone; he was looking confused like a fish out of water. He was the first to announce to T4T why he shaved his identity moustache. Victor just finished work on a movie, where he played as a woman, Victor a woman? With that belly? Dis Nollywood people no go kill us! Anyway, we are waiting for the movie to be released from Idumota Market. Can’t wait to see Victor as a woman, but another issue is that Victor that night was intentionally aiming to drown himself in stout. It was a wonder he drove home that night. Keep it up; at least you have an uncle in Sam Loco who is worthy of emulation. To God be the glory.
Chuma’s In Hospital
SECRETARY General of the Actors Guild of Nigeria, Chuma Onwudiwe, is in hospital. He checked himself in last week. To many of us, the news did not come as a surprise, what with all the wahala he’s been through recently. In case you are not in the know, AGN president Segun Arinze reportedly sacrificed Chuma and Lolo, his Secretary and Treasurer when the Board of Trustees pressured him to form Government of National Unity (GNU). Chuma who was just recovering from the hassles of the Port Harcourt election, could not take the fresh news of his ‘overthrow’. He took ill. But T4T in a telephone chat with the fiery comedy actor, promised to take the fight to the appropriate quarters as soon as he is back on his feet again.
This looks like another June 12 struggle and we all hope it doesn’t end like that.
Revealed, real reason Segun Arinze appears jittery
PRESIDENT of the Actors Guild of Nigeria, Segun Arinze, is caught in the middle as the popular saying goes. Recall I promised that I will be giving you real time update on the oncoming Armageddon in the actors’ body and from information gathered, the real reason Arinze ‘sold’ his secretary and treasurer to appease the Board of Trustees, is because Kanayo O. Kanayo, a strong contender to the AGN throne, recently went to the media to say Segun Arinze did not attend a University or its equivalent, one of the conditions of becoming the AGN president. Well, it is not in my position to say whether Segun went to school at all, but the news is that the Board of Trustees used that as a joker to make him fall into line. Segun is billed to come out publicly to deny the allegation and if you have a pensioner parent like I do, you will understand what the government subjects them to periodically — Operation Certificate Verification, that is what Uncle Sege wants to do shortly. So, to all newsmen, bring your tape recorder, your cameras and be ready to verify Sege’s certificates, when he brings them from the archives.
Charles Inojie’s waddling Style
COMEDY actor Charles Inojie now waddles instead of walking. This piece of news is authoritative. The movie director is so fat now, his face reminds of the famous Michelin man. Saw Charles waddling along Adenrian Ogunsanya Street, Surulere and I could not help but feel for him. His detractor claimed he has made some money recently as he seems to be directing and acting in most Nollywood movies. Advice to Charles: if you think by taking a walk instead of driving will bring down the fat, you should have a rethink, go to the stadium, which is a stone throw from your Adeniran Ogunsanya office.
Remember your left.
‘Travails’ Of The Ultimate Man
AROUND 5.30pm on Wednesday, November 18, T4T sighted the Gulder Ultimate Man 1V at Stadium Bus Stop. It was the Ford Explorer SUV with customised plate number GUS 1V that gave him away. He was sandwiched by three heavily armed policemen. T4T was curious, what informed the decision by policemen to crowd the man who made millions by living in the wild for 21 days in search of a mythical object lost by an ancient tribe? T4T parked his tuke tuke car and waited. The policemen as naturally knew who the guy was, they just wanted a share of his seven million naira (wey the poor boy go don almost eat finish sef). Minutes after, the bobo passed over something to the leader of the greedy policemen and they hailed him non-stop as he drove off. Bro, be careful how you dey dash police ‘sometin’, the day you no get to dash, you fit sleep cell.
A word is enough.
ogbuus@yahoo.com
Monday, 16 November 2009
TEETH 4 TEETH
BY JUSTIN AKPOVI-ESADE
Ras Teddy Knor the escort?
REGGAE, six-foot giant, Ras Teddy Knor, may have jettisoned music temporarily, if not how would one explain the escort role he was seen playing at O’jez recently? The singer whose only claim to musicianship was the planned duet (that never happened) between him and late Lucky Dube, was sighted at the celebrity hangout closely following a fella. Anywhere the guy went in the crowded restaurant, be sure to see Knor grinning full lips behind him. It was so bad that even when the guy went upstairs to the loo, Knor was still close marking him. The nickel dropped later, the guy was the person buying the drinks and food that night. Bros Teddy, I no blame you, my people say if tortoise no get money, e go use im body serve. Na Money yab man. God is able sha, if e no dey today, e go dey tomorrow. Take heart.
... Still on Teddy Knor
THIS is a passionate appeal to all, the musician, Teddy Knor, who wears a short pant (that he calls knickers), urgently needs the address of the Society for Family Care office. An SMS dropped in T4T’s mobile phone and it was from Knor, some days after he was seen playing otinkpu (escort/bag bearer) for somebody. The SMS announced Knor needed the address of the above mentioned society ‘urgently.’ In fact, T4T was worried, when he became a city address book. Anyway, as you read this piece, if you know the address Knor is looking for, please go to AIT or better still, take an advert space in Guardian Life to inform the singer and the good Lord will bless you as you do so.
Ejike Asiegbu’s back
FORMER president of the Actors Guild of Nigeria, Ejike Asiegbu, is back in the country after weeks on holiday in Robert Mugabe’s Zimbabwe. Recall, we reported in this column, that after surviving the wahala of AGN, he went to cool off in Zimbabwe (when his mates were going to America, UK and Brazil), na Zimbabwe im fit go. Well, T4T ran into him at O’jez last week Saturday, spotting an army fatigue shorts. He looked every inch a U S soldier fighting in Afghanistan. Unlike in the past when presido will declare booze on his return, it seems the only thing Ejike brought back from Zimbabwe was the army fatigue shorts. Anyway, the good book said, in any situation we find ourselves, we must give thanks to Him that is up there. Amen.
Okey Bakassi at it again
RECALL I told you the last time, the love comedian turned politician Okey Bakassi has for pounded yam and vegetable soup. Fine, he was at it again last week at O’jez when he came visiting from his Imo State base.
Okey, spotting a dark waist coat over a ma he came visiting from his Imo State base.
Okey, spotting a dark waist coat over a matching pair of trousers and leather slippers (what a combination), sat with his younger brother demolishing a plate of his favourite. Again, he forgot T4T was lurking around the corner, it took him a while, after he had completed his task to look up and see your darling T4T (some of my detractors now call me tooth ache). Anyway, we will keep watching these stars no matter the name they call us.
Segun Arinze makes U-Turn?
FOR those who know the actor Segun Arinze, the new president of the Actors Guild of Nigeria, this is the time to pray for him as he may have decided to pour on himself an entire colony of soldier ants. Reports have it that to make peace with the almighty ‘Board of Trustees’ of AGN, he decided to sacrifice his elected General Secretary, Chuma Onwudiwe and Treasurer Lolo and replaced them with candidates of the ‘Board of Trustees’ led by Ifeanyi Dike. Chuma and Lolo are spoiling for a fight to finish with Uncle Sege who reports said has ran to soft spoken actor Zack Orji for cover. The battle in Nollywood is just starting. You will be given real time update as the fire burns.
... As K.O.K Taku On ‘Mandate’
“I will rather die, than relinquish the mandate given to me as ‘president of AGN”, that is the war song of Nollywood actor Kanayo O. Kanayo, K.O.K as the ‘Board of Trustees’ bear on him to step aside now that Segun Arinze has given in to their demands of ‘sacking’ Chuma and Lolo. But as the Yorubas will say, my friend K.O.K has taku (remained adamant). K.O.K claimed he was given six months to act as president and he has barely spent three months so what the heck is Ifeanyi Dike and co saying? He has threatened to drag them to court if he ever hears that sentence that says he should back down.
Hmmm, ever heard of the story of the Frankenstein monster? Read your history and you will understand what we are talking about here. Na dia I talk reach o o.
ogbuus@yahoo.com
Ras Teddy Knor the escort?
REGGAE, six-foot giant, Ras Teddy Knor, may have jettisoned music temporarily, if not how would one explain the escort role he was seen playing at O’jez recently? The singer whose only claim to musicianship was the planned duet (that never happened) between him and late Lucky Dube, was sighted at the celebrity hangout closely following a fella. Anywhere the guy went in the crowded restaurant, be sure to see Knor grinning full lips behind him. It was so bad that even when the guy went upstairs to the loo, Knor was still close marking him. The nickel dropped later, the guy was the person buying the drinks and food that night. Bros Teddy, I no blame you, my people say if tortoise no get money, e go use im body serve. Na Money yab man. God is able sha, if e no dey today, e go dey tomorrow. Take heart.
... Still on Teddy Knor
THIS is a passionate appeal to all, the musician, Teddy Knor, who wears a short pant (that he calls knickers), urgently needs the address of the Society for Family Care office. An SMS dropped in T4T’s mobile phone and it was from Knor, some days after he was seen playing otinkpu (escort/bag bearer) for somebody. The SMS announced Knor needed the address of the above mentioned society ‘urgently.’ In fact, T4T was worried, when he became a city address book. Anyway, as you read this piece, if you know the address Knor is looking for, please go to AIT or better still, take an advert space in Guardian Life to inform the singer and the good Lord will bless you as you do so.
Ejike Asiegbu’s back
FORMER president of the Actors Guild of Nigeria, Ejike Asiegbu, is back in the country after weeks on holiday in Robert Mugabe’s Zimbabwe. Recall, we reported in this column, that after surviving the wahala of AGN, he went to cool off in Zimbabwe (when his mates were going to America, UK and Brazil), na Zimbabwe im fit go. Well, T4T ran into him at O’jez last week Saturday, spotting an army fatigue shorts. He looked every inch a U S soldier fighting in Afghanistan. Unlike in the past when presido will declare booze on his return, it seems the only thing Ejike brought back from Zimbabwe was the army fatigue shorts. Anyway, the good book said, in any situation we find ourselves, we must give thanks to Him that is up there. Amen.
Okey Bakassi at it again
RECALL I told you the last time, the love comedian turned politician Okey Bakassi has for pounded yam and vegetable soup. Fine, he was at it again last week at O’jez when he came visiting from his Imo State base.
Okey, spotting a dark waist coat over a ma he came visiting from his Imo State base.
Okey, spotting a dark waist coat over a matching pair of trousers and leather slippers (what a combination), sat with his younger brother demolishing a plate of his favourite. Again, he forgot T4T was lurking around the corner, it took him a while, after he had completed his task to look up and see your darling T4T (some of my detractors now call me tooth ache). Anyway, we will keep watching these stars no matter the name they call us.
Segun Arinze makes U-Turn?
FOR those who know the actor Segun Arinze, the new president of the Actors Guild of Nigeria, this is the time to pray for him as he may have decided to pour on himself an entire colony of soldier ants. Reports have it that to make peace with the almighty ‘Board of Trustees’ of AGN, he decided to sacrifice his elected General Secretary, Chuma Onwudiwe and Treasurer Lolo and replaced them with candidates of the ‘Board of Trustees’ led by Ifeanyi Dike. Chuma and Lolo are spoiling for a fight to finish with Uncle Sege who reports said has ran to soft spoken actor Zack Orji for cover. The battle in Nollywood is just starting. You will be given real time update as the fire burns.
... As K.O.K Taku On ‘Mandate’
“I will rather die, than relinquish the mandate given to me as ‘president of AGN”, that is the war song of Nollywood actor Kanayo O. Kanayo, K.O.K as the ‘Board of Trustees’ bear on him to step aside now that Segun Arinze has given in to their demands of ‘sacking’ Chuma and Lolo. But as the Yorubas will say, my friend K.O.K has taku (remained adamant). K.O.K claimed he was given six months to act as president and he has barely spent three months so what the heck is Ifeanyi Dike and co saying? He has threatened to drag them to court if he ever hears that sentence that says he should back down.
Hmmm, ever heard of the story of the Frankenstein monster? Read your history and you will understand what we are talking about here. Na dia I talk reach o o.
ogbuus@yahoo.com
Monday, 9 November 2009
TEETH 4 TEETH
Revealed! Where ‘Ruggedy Baba’ fills his stomach daily
HIP-HOP act, Ruggedman, who is popularly called Ruggedy Baba, does not eat at home. This piece of information is authoritative. Ran into the fast balding act at an eatery on Isaac John, GRA, Ikeja, Lagos, recently with a female friend (na female friend I talk o, she fit even be business patna sef, so no get ideas). T4T watched closely as the hip hopper grubbed his food with relish. In case of a rejoinder, the time was 1.30pm on Monday, November 2, 2009. Someone swore it was the third time he was sighting the guy there. Hmm, it is either the eatery food is tastier than madam’s food or dem don take somtin cook the food and the tin don catch Ruggedy Baba (na speculation I dey o). Anyway, he finished his meal and swaggered to his Volkswagen Touareg with the customised number plate Ruggedy, leaving the female friend behind. Me think that was odd. Anyway, you now know where to see your favourite star; wait on Isaac John any midday, you are sure to see Rugged Man coming to fill his stomach.
Ejike Asiegbu’s in Zimbabwe
FORMER president of the Actors Guild of Nigeria, Ejike Asiegbu, is cooling his heels in Robert Mugabe’s Zimbabwe. He has been in Harare for a month now, holidaying and directing a big budget movie for a wealthy producer. Hmm, Ejike no dey shame, im mates dey go Hawai and Brazil for holiday, na Zimbabwe im see go. Anyway, as the saying goes, bread is better than puff puff, so we commend Ejike’s efforts. At least, im see somewia go holiday na. Nigeria and AGN wahala be wan kpai presido, sorry, former presido before. To God Be The Glory.
Help, Eucharia Anunobi’s addicted to Facebook
EMBATTLED Nollywood actress, Eucharia Anunobi, who is going through a messy divorce case, has perhaps found solace in the Internet. Hardly would you log on to Facebook site and not find UK baby online. In fact, trust T4T, just to be doubly sure, logged on at about midnight recently and there was UK bold and in your face on Facebook. Aunty, we no say na trying times be dis, but please get some sleep.
... And Opa Williams Too
COMEDY merchant, Opa Williams, may have borrowed a leaf from Eucharia as his popular past time now is the Facebook. Was online with Opa on Tuesday and he gladly announced he was in Delta State (I did not ask him where he was before he volunteered the information). The way it took him hours to reply to a message clearly shows dear Opa has difficulties in typing on the laptop keyboard. When peson learn computer for old age, na the result be dat. Keep it up Opa, God is in control.
Segun Arinze’s ‘Jeep’
AS T4T was about leaving the car lot of O’jez last week, a monstrous vehicle was bearing down on him, threatening to swallow his tuke tuke car. T4T was scared and many thoughts ran through the mind. Could a celebrity who got very angry with the way and manner T4T was watching him or her, decided to pay back, in kind? Then at the last minute before a possible collision, the monster, slowed down and pulled alongside my tuke tuke. A grinning face of Black Arrow filled the window on the driver’s side. So, it was Segun Arinze driving that caterpillar he calls a car? Good, I told him his car was not fit to be driven on Lagos roads, he should go the pot-holed filled Ore-Benin road. Geez, the contraption Segun drives about town will surely pitch him against LASTMA officials very soon. So that you know, the jeep look alike monster, is red in colour and it is a pick up van, the type used by Texas Rangers in the U S. This T4T sef sabi America too? Na wa.
Dickson Iroegbu’s New Dressence
SINCE the movie director Dickson Iroegbu got rid of his dreadlocks, he has become born again and all old things passed away. Dickson will be the first to tell you that he has dropped his controversy garb and henceforth, he has advised himself to desist from commenting on issues in Nollywood. Good thinking, because the last time he tried to play Gani Fawehinmi at the Association of Movie Producers’ election, he was beaten into a near state of coma (I no dey dia, na reliable source tell me o o). But this is not the issue, it is, Dickson after scraping his dada (dreadlocks), now spots complete three-piece suit anytime he is coming out of his home. Three nights consecutively, Dickson was spotted at O’jez at about 9pm, decked as one going to a wedding ceremony. Last week Friday night, he was having dinner with two ladies (maybe na business dinner o o), and the director was all suited up. The Chinese rice and shrimps served on hot wooden plate was giving Dickson an uphill task, a task he clinically executed with thick sweat beads running down his face that is now minus the dada. A bottle of wine was displayed openly for all to see. T4T checked his memory card to see if Dickson directed a movie recently, because this newfound wealth is awesome. Keep it up bro, life na for enjoyment.
Agatha Amata’s Birthday Bash
BY the time you are reading this, television talkshow host, Agatha Amata, would have celebrated her birthday yesterday in Ikeja area of Lagos. T4T got an SMS on Tuesday inviting him to the bash. Life is sweet, when there is money, people remember to celebrate their birthdays and to God be the glory, aunty Agatha has made quite a chunk of it recently. Recall I told you some time ago how she angrily gave out her Rav 4 SUV and ordered a Nissan Murano state-of-the-art ride fresh from the factory line? Fine, now a source said the birthday bash was planned as the mother of all birthday bashes. Agatha, I said it before, I am still saying it now: when I grow up, I will like to be like you, so help me God. I will give you dear readers what went down at the gig.
ogbuus@yahoo.com
Sunday, 1 November 2009
TEETH 4 TEETH
BY JUSTIN AKPOVI-ESADE
Bash Ali On The March Again
IF anybody deserves the award of never-say-die, it is the ageless boxer, Bash Ali. For nine years now, Bash has been on one project –– putting his name (and that of Nigeria) in the Guinness Book of World record as the oldest boxer to ever win a world champion fight! Nigerians heaved a sigh of relief when shortly before the exit of former President Olusegun Obasanjo, he was seen with Bash on TV exchanging friendly blows with huge boxing gloves. Many thought the much-awaited fight would hold that year, two years on, no end in sight for dear ‘ol’ Bash. The saddest part of it all is that the boxer is not getting any younger. Please dear President Yar ‘Adua, come to the rescue of Baba Bash so that Nigerians and the boxer will rest once and for all. Bash, according to a reliable source, was sighted in the US looking disheveled. His savannah grassland hair is fast becoming a Sahara desert and he is losing weight, the source said. Please Baba Go Slow, hasten up things to sponsor Baba Bash’s fight make we witness am for our lifetime. God will bless you. But wait, na Walter Weight division Bash dey sef, no be Heavy Weight o o, hmmm.
Don Jazzy’s Bodyguards
NIGERIANS are generally believed to be envious people (na believe I talk o), so, naturally, when they see their fellow countryman making some progress in life, they put on their envy caps and tongues will start wagging. That is the only way to describe the situation hip-hop act, Don Jazzy, may have found himself at the moment. There is this rumour that Jazzy, the ogbodu of Mo Hits crew, now moves about with a retinue of wide-chested bodyguards. So, if you feel that the walking-stick wielding Don is your pal from primary school and you sighted him on the street and wants to get close to say ‘hi’, please have a rethink or else you may lose a tooth. Jazzy, carry go, having bodyguards is part of the showbiz game; if 50 Cent dem wey be small pikins dey guard body, you wey be agbalagba nko? But remember your left (na dat warning Thunder Balogun wife give am dat time o) cos na Naija you dey o. Na family affair dem dey take do am for here. If to say people like dem Felix Liberty, Alex O, Mike Okri and even Daddy Showkey take bodyguards pursue people from dem bodi, how e for be now? Peson no dey reign for eva! A word is enough...
Jay Jay Okocha: The Hip Hop Act?
THIS may come to you as a shocker, because shock was what I got when I heard it. Midfield maestro, former captain of the Super Eagles (when they were still Super o) and Bolton Wanderers of England, Jay Jay Okocha is now into music. If you refute this story, how would you explain the inclusion of Jay Jay’s name in the line up of artistes billed to perform at a concert in Abuja recently? The radio advert for days mentioned the retired footballer’s name among other Nigerian artistes, so, it got us wondering, is bros Jay Jay now an artiste? In Nigeria, anything can happen. At least Nigeria’s defender Taribo and Liberia’s George Weah tried their hands on music, maybe its Jay Jay’s turn. I can’t wait to hear the debut album. With that Jay Jay voice like a mother frog so, I am sure na only Nkechi (his wife) and very close family members will buy the album out of family love. Advice for bros Jay Jay: look before you... (fill in the blank spaces).
The Lecturer’s Second Coming
RECALL petit comedian Lecturer? Yes, the Akute-based comedian who ‘travels’ to Lagos anytime he has little business in town (Akute is seven hours plus traffic, to Lagos metropolis). Last Sunday, he did his yearly comedy show; Comedy 101 at Akute and reports said he broke even this time. Well, the last time he organised the show, it was rumoured he bought a duplex immediately after, we are waiting for the new thing he will acquire this time around but I must say, it must be a car. Why? The comedian certainly needs a car because he has won several awards as the Best Customer of Governor Fashola’s BRT buses. Bros, you don try, you have sowed BRT for too long, now you must reap your private car. Somebody say Amen to that.
Fatai Rolling Dollar’ Sun Glasses
VETERAN highlife musician, Fatai Rolling Dollar, is a strong man; in fact, he should have been the cast for the Guinness’ Michael Power advertisement that time, because he is strong. How else will you describe an 83-year-old baba still jumping up and down on stage playing hit songs? Or somebody who has the capacity to wear dark sun glasses even at 10pm? Ran into baba Rolling Dollar at O’jez last week at about 9pm with his goggles plastering his eyes. How he manages to move about amazes one. But only a Fatai can do that. Carry go baba, won kere si number.
Johnny Walker’s Loud
UP COMING comedian, Johnny Walker, is a loud person and like one of his detractors said, he is an attention seeker. It was at O’jez and Nigerian Super Eagles, sorry, Super Chickens were sweating as they tried to score their Mozambican counterparts. While most patriotic Nigerians were sitting shell-shocked as the game drew to a goalless end, Johnny Walker was busy talking and dishing out dry jokes that nobody wanted to hear at that time. His voice was so loud that he became an irritant. In fact, he was running a different commentary on the match. When Obinna Nsofor finally scored, Walker spotting a red shirt over a pair of black trousers jumped and raced towards the door of the celebrity restaurant screaming on top of his voice. Dear Johnny, your mates like Basket Mouth and even small Lecturer dey thrill people for big stage, you dey O’jez dey give unsolicited humour. If na Obasanjo time, na clap and shout of Ole oooooo, dem for take pursue you comot dia. Na luck you get, I swear.
Chris Nwaokobia’s Travails
CONTROVERSIAL activist and human rights/entertainment lawyer, Dr. Chris Nwaokobia, needs help; and this piece of information is authoritative. Chris was sitting on the same table with T4T at the celebrity hangout some days ago. They sat at the Smoking Area where Chris was busy burning cigarette and choking T4T as they discussed, (as if T4Tna saint). One noticed that Chris was uncomfortable with the plastic chair he was sitting on. The legs of the chair were giving way gradually, until he got up and added another chair to the one he was sitting on. Well, the implication of this story is that Chris has added so much weight that a chair can no longer take him. The word Gym is alien to Chris as the case may be and he just can’t stay away from booze and Cuban cigar. Bros, you dey see wia you dey go so?
Mathias Obahiagbon’s Style
MOVIE director, Mathias Obahiagbon, is a man of style, booze style I mean. Anytime you ran into the Edo State-born moviemaker, look close and count thick sweat beads running down his face. That is a sure sign that Matty Boy has been boozing for God knows how long. Ran into him at a new joint of celebrities on Oyekan Street, Surulere, with his soul mate, Obi Osotule recently at about 7pm. As at when T4T left at 9pm, Matty, producer Ifeanyi Dike and Obi, were just settling down for more booze. Please, when next you run into Mathias, look closely for the tell-tale evidence of sweat, you will understand his present condition. Dis T4T na Doctor sef?
Bash Ali On The March Again
IF anybody deserves the award of never-say-die, it is the ageless boxer, Bash Ali. For nine years now, Bash has been on one project –– putting his name (and that of Nigeria) in the Guinness Book of World record as the oldest boxer to ever win a world champion fight! Nigerians heaved a sigh of relief when shortly before the exit of former President Olusegun Obasanjo, he was seen with Bash on TV exchanging friendly blows with huge boxing gloves. Many thought the much-awaited fight would hold that year, two years on, no end in sight for dear ‘ol’ Bash. The saddest part of it all is that the boxer is not getting any younger. Please dear President Yar ‘Adua, come to the rescue of Baba Bash so that Nigerians and the boxer will rest once and for all. Bash, according to a reliable source, was sighted in the US looking disheveled. His savannah grassland hair is fast becoming a Sahara desert and he is losing weight, the source said. Please Baba Go Slow, hasten up things to sponsor Baba Bash’s fight make we witness am for our lifetime. God will bless you. But wait, na Walter Weight division Bash dey sef, no be Heavy Weight o o, hmmm.
Don Jazzy’s Bodyguards
NIGERIANS are generally believed to be envious people (na believe I talk o), so, naturally, when they see their fellow countryman making some progress in life, they put on their envy caps and tongues will start wagging. That is the only way to describe the situation hip-hop act, Don Jazzy, may have found himself at the moment. There is this rumour that Jazzy, the ogbodu of Mo Hits crew, now moves about with a retinue of wide-chested bodyguards. So, if you feel that the walking-stick wielding Don is your pal from primary school and you sighted him on the street and wants to get close to say ‘hi’, please have a rethink or else you may lose a tooth. Jazzy, carry go, having bodyguards is part of the showbiz game; if 50 Cent dem wey be small pikins dey guard body, you wey be agbalagba nko? But remember your left (na dat warning Thunder Balogun wife give am dat time o) cos na Naija you dey o. Na family affair dem dey take do am for here. If to say people like dem Felix Liberty, Alex O, Mike Okri and even Daddy Showkey take bodyguards pursue people from dem bodi, how e for be now? Peson no dey reign for eva! A word is enough...
Jay Jay Okocha: The Hip Hop Act?
THIS may come to you as a shocker, because shock was what I got when I heard it. Midfield maestro, former captain of the Super Eagles (when they were still Super o) and Bolton Wanderers of England, Jay Jay Okocha is now into music. If you refute this story, how would you explain the inclusion of Jay Jay’s name in the line up of artistes billed to perform at a concert in Abuja recently? The radio advert for days mentioned the retired footballer’s name among other Nigerian artistes, so, it got us wondering, is bros Jay Jay now an artiste? In Nigeria, anything can happen. At least Nigeria’s defender Taribo and Liberia’s George Weah tried their hands on music, maybe its Jay Jay’s turn. I can’t wait to hear the debut album. With that Jay Jay voice like a mother frog so, I am sure na only Nkechi (his wife) and very close family members will buy the album out of family love. Advice for bros Jay Jay: look before you... (fill in the blank spaces).
The Lecturer’s Second Coming
RECALL petit comedian Lecturer? Yes, the Akute-based comedian who ‘travels’ to Lagos anytime he has little business in town (Akute is seven hours plus traffic, to Lagos metropolis). Last Sunday, he did his yearly comedy show; Comedy 101 at Akute and reports said he broke even this time. Well, the last time he organised the show, it was rumoured he bought a duplex immediately after, we are waiting for the new thing he will acquire this time around but I must say, it must be a car. Why? The comedian certainly needs a car because he has won several awards as the Best Customer of Governor Fashola’s BRT buses. Bros, you don try, you have sowed BRT for too long, now you must reap your private car. Somebody say Amen to that.
Fatai Rolling Dollar’ Sun Glasses
VETERAN highlife musician, Fatai Rolling Dollar, is a strong man; in fact, he should have been the cast for the Guinness’ Michael Power advertisement that time, because he is strong. How else will you describe an 83-year-old baba still jumping up and down on stage playing hit songs? Or somebody who has the capacity to wear dark sun glasses even at 10pm? Ran into baba Rolling Dollar at O’jez last week at about 9pm with his goggles plastering his eyes. How he manages to move about amazes one. But only a Fatai can do that. Carry go baba, won kere si number.
Johnny Walker’s Loud
UP COMING comedian, Johnny Walker, is a loud person and like one of his detractors said, he is an attention seeker. It was at O’jez and Nigerian Super Eagles, sorry, Super Chickens were sweating as they tried to score their Mozambican counterparts. While most patriotic Nigerians were sitting shell-shocked as the game drew to a goalless end, Johnny Walker was busy talking and dishing out dry jokes that nobody wanted to hear at that time. His voice was so loud that he became an irritant. In fact, he was running a different commentary on the match. When Obinna Nsofor finally scored, Walker spotting a red shirt over a pair of black trousers jumped and raced towards the door of the celebrity restaurant screaming on top of his voice. Dear Johnny, your mates like Basket Mouth and even small Lecturer dey thrill people for big stage, you dey O’jez dey give unsolicited humour. If na Obasanjo time, na clap and shout of Ole oooooo, dem for take pursue you comot dia. Na luck you get, I swear.
Chris Nwaokobia’s Travails
CONTROVERSIAL activist and human rights/entertainment lawyer, Dr. Chris Nwaokobia, needs help; and this piece of information is authoritative. Chris was sitting on the same table with T4T at the celebrity hangout some days ago. They sat at the Smoking Area where Chris was busy burning cigarette and choking T4T as they discussed, (as if T4Tna saint). One noticed that Chris was uncomfortable with the plastic chair he was sitting on. The legs of the chair were giving way gradually, until he got up and added another chair to the one he was sitting on. Well, the implication of this story is that Chris has added so much weight that a chair can no longer take him. The word Gym is alien to Chris as the case may be and he just can’t stay away from booze and Cuban cigar. Bros, you dey see wia you dey go so?
Mathias Obahiagbon’s Style
MOVIE director, Mathias Obahiagbon, is a man of style, booze style I mean. Anytime you ran into the Edo State-born moviemaker, look close and count thick sweat beads running down his face. That is a sure sign that Matty Boy has been boozing for God knows how long. Ran into him at a new joint of celebrities on Oyekan Street, Surulere, with his soul mate, Obi Osotule recently at about 7pm. As at when T4T left at 9pm, Matty, producer Ifeanyi Dike and Obi, were just settling down for more booze. Please, when next you run into Mathias, look closely for the tell-tale evidence of sweat, you will understand his present condition. Dis T4T na Doctor sef?
Monday, 19 October 2009
TEETH 4 TEETH
BY JUSTIN AKPOVI-ESADE
... And T4T Was Bounced!
ANY ear that hears this will tingle. Your darling T4T was bounced recently at Opa Williams’ Nite of A Thousand Laughs comedy show held at the MUSON Centre, Lagos. The sad story began this way, and we will use a typical Nollywood film style to describe the incident. Scene one: Enter T4T into camera view with all the swagger he could garner. He walks straight from his tuke tuke car to the gate of the Shell Hall, MUSON Centre. As he makes to step in, a heavyset bouncer stops him dead in his track. He thinks it is a joke, but the fella with his chest as wide as a billboard, demanded for his ticket. T4T brings out an identity card that was almost thrown into the beautiful flower bed nearby. He is asked to step aside for better people to go in. Camera zooms in on the bewildered face of T4T; sweat is already dripping like tap water.
Then a ‘saviour’ comes around in the person of Opa Williams. Williams looks at the humbled face of the ‘gossip’, sorry columnist and all what could be got from the look, was “I have got you at last, you that have been writing ‘rubbish’ about me and others; sweat the more,” Opa is saying with his facial expression. Then the Holy Spirit enters Opa and he remembers his wife is a Deaconess and thus must have preached to him times without number to always forgive people their trespasses so that God will forgive him his. He signals to Mr. Billboard Chest, and at that point, a humbled T4T nearly kissed the Czar, Opa in appreciation. That was my ordeal, dear readers, but will that deter me? Whoosai, a source said T4T has intensified his effort in watching Opa Williams closely. The die is cast!
Okey Bakassi, Pounded Yam: Inseparable Pair
COMEDIAN and latter day politician Okey Bakassi swore not to be separated from his wife at his wedding day, he has so far kept his vow to the mother of his children. Sadly, Okey appears to have made another vow-not to be far from pounded yam and vegetable soup. For years now, T4T has been watching (before he writes it) how dear Okey was getting closer by the day to vegetable soup and pounded yam. Recently at O’jez, the comedian/politician stormed in like one in a hurry to catch a bus, and called one of the waiters. Like in a quick montage sequence, the pounded yam with its sister vegetable soup arrived Okey’s table. It was after he finished breaking down the mountain of white substance that he realised it was T4T sitting some metres away. Bros, there is no crime in loving a certain delicacy, but people are beginning to ponder why you always rush the food, and the way you bend your back as if you are trying to fence people away, while you eat it. We will get to the root of the matter anyway.
Ernest Adjovi on Facebook
ARE you wondering why suddenly you no longer get to hear about KORA Music Award chief executive, Ernest Adjovi? And you really want to meet him to ask why KORA award has not held in Nigeria since it was announced about two years ago? Just log on to facebook site and uncle Adjovi will be there live to take all the questions, that is if you succeed in drawing him out. T4T tried unsuccessfully to sound him out. When bros heard the first question, which was about KORA, he signed out. A trial will convince you.
Bovi Debunks Lekki Relocation Story
COMEDIAN Bovi Ugboma, whom I told you relocated to millionaire playground Lekki, and shortly later got married; has come out to debunk the story. He, however, did not rule out the possibility of that happening soon (una see how money dey talk?) Bovi called T4T on Tuesday night at about 9.30pm to debunk the story making the rounds that he is now a neighbour to other big boy comedians, Ali Baba, Basket Mouth and Julius Agwu and even ‘small’ Kefee. He, however ‘claimed’ it. Thank God that he did not also debunk T4T’s report about his brand new car (not Tokunboh please) and his brand new wife. If e no be one, e go be two. But as it is now, I claim a house in Lekki area for Bovi. To God be the glory.
Dadi Monso’s Secret Watering Hole
NOLLYWOOD star Dadi Monso and his journalist friend (names withheld) have discovered a place where they could eat cow leg and drink cheap beer. T4T was curious on the sudden disappearance of Monso, and when he enquired, he was told of the actor’s new watering hole. His detractor was at work last week. The detractor claimed Monso was tired of playing big boy celebrity and spending big money on beer at places like O’jez. He devised a plan and went in search of where he could buy beer at regular price. He confirmed it to T4T on Monday, but asked for some understanding from all his fans that have not seen him for sometime. We all understand, Dadi Monso, there is global meltdown. But watch it, make small pikin no go slap you, you know say no big man for buka o o.
A Y Draws First Blood
THIS is a public service announcement. This is to announce that ace comedian Ayo Makun also known as A Y, has shaken the hornets’ nest and please do not sympathise with him if he gets stung by them. End of announcement.
A Y drew first blood last week at the open air section of O’jez when on sighting T4T asked if he was on the verge of releasing his debut album (can’t recall telling A Y, I was into music). Why did A Y ask that kind of question? It was because of the simple fact that T4T has decided to keep his hair. Perhaps the now plenty hair reminded him of one of the nation’s hip hoppers. Anyway, for having that effrontery to take a swipe on T4T, the above public announcement has been issued because he who carries salt never wishes for rain.
Over K.O.K’s Dead Body
LAST week I promised that you will be given up to date information on how Nollywood star and ‘president’ of the Actors Guild of Nigeria, AGN, Kanayo O. Kanayo hopes to wriggle out of the entrapment by former president, Ejike Asiegbu. A day after the new president of AGN, another Nollywood star Segun Arinze held his maiden press briefing, K.O.K, gathered the media and announced that “over his dead body” will he relinquish power to anybody. He vowed to ‘crush’ any opposition (the typical Abacha style), who wants to take the crown he has grown to love within the period of just two months on the alleged ‘interim capacity’. There is an Abacha in all of us, na dia I talk reach o o.
... And T4T Was Bounced!
ANY ear that hears this will tingle. Your darling T4T was bounced recently at Opa Williams’ Nite of A Thousand Laughs comedy show held at the MUSON Centre, Lagos. The sad story began this way, and we will use a typical Nollywood film style to describe the incident. Scene one: Enter T4T into camera view with all the swagger he could garner. He walks straight from his tuke tuke car to the gate of the Shell Hall, MUSON Centre. As he makes to step in, a heavyset bouncer stops him dead in his track. He thinks it is a joke, but the fella with his chest as wide as a billboard, demanded for his ticket. T4T brings out an identity card that was almost thrown into the beautiful flower bed nearby. He is asked to step aside for better people to go in. Camera zooms in on the bewildered face of T4T; sweat is already dripping like tap water.
Then a ‘saviour’ comes around in the person of Opa Williams. Williams looks at the humbled face of the ‘gossip’, sorry columnist and all what could be got from the look, was “I have got you at last, you that have been writing ‘rubbish’ about me and others; sweat the more,” Opa is saying with his facial expression. Then the Holy Spirit enters Opa and he remembers his wife is a Deaconess and thus must have preached to him times without number to always forgive people their trespasses so that God will forgive him his. He signals to Mr. Billboard Chest, and at that point, a humbled T4T nearly kissed the Czar, Opa in appreciation. That was my ordeal, dear readers, but will that deter me? Whoosai, a source said T4T has intensified his effort in watching Opa Williams closely. The die is cast!
Okey Bakassi, Pounded Yam: Inseparable PairCOMEDIAN and latter day politician Okey Bakassi swore not to be separated from his wife at his wedding day, he has so far kept his vow to the mother of his children. Sadly, Okey appears to have made another vow-not to be far from pounded yam and vegetable soup. For years now, T4T has been watching (before he writes it) how dear Okey was getting closer by the day to vegetable soup and pounded yam. Recently at O’jez, the comedian/politician stormed in like one in a hurry to catch a bus, and called one of the waiters. Like in a quick montage sequence, the pounded yam with its sister vegetable soup arrived Okey’s table. It was after he finished breaking down the mountain of white substance that he realised it was T4T sitting some metres away. Bros, there is no crime in loving a certain delicacy, but people are beginning to ponder why you always rush the food, and the way you bend your back as if you are trying to fence people away, while you eat it. We will get to the root of the matter anyway.
Ernest Adjovi on Facebook
ARE you wondering why suddenly you no longer get to hear about KORA Music Award chief executive, Ernest Adjovi? And you really want to meet him to ask why KORA award has not held in Nigeria since it was announced about two years ago? Just log on to facebook site and uncle Adjovi will be there live to take all the questions, that is if you succeed in drawing him out. T4T tried unsuccessfully to sound him out. When bros heard the first question, which was about KORA, he signed out. A trial will convince you.
Bovi Debunks Lekki Relocation Story
COMEDIAN Bovi Ugboma, whom I told you relocated to millionaire playground Lekki, and shortly later got married; has come out to debunk the story. He, however, did not rule out the possibility of that happening soon (una see how money dey talk?) Bovi called T4T on Tuesday night at about 9.30pm to debunk the story making the rounds that he is now a neighbour to other big boy comedians, Ali Baba, Basket Mouth and Julius Agwu and even ‘small’ Kefee. He, however ‘claimed’ it. Thank God that he did not also debunk T4T’s report about his brand new car (not Tokunboh please) and his brand new wife. If e no be one, e go be two. But as it is now, I claim a house in Lekki area for Bovi. To God be the glory.
Dadi Monso’s Secret Watering Hole
NOLLYWOOD star Dadi Monso and his journalist friend (names withheld) have discovered a place where they could eat cow leg and drink cheap beer. T4T was curious on the sudden disappearance of Monso, and when he enquired, he was told of the actor’s new watering hole. His detractor was at work last week. The detractor claimed Monso was tired of playing big boy celebrity and spending big money on beer at places like O’jez. He devised a plan and went in search of where he could buy beer at regular price. He confirmed it to T4T on Monday, but asked for some understanding from all his fans that have not seen him for sometime. We all understand, Dadi Monso, there is global meltdown. But watch it, make small pikin no go slap you, you know say no big man for buka o o.
A Y Draws First Blood
THIS is a public service announcement. This is to announce that ace comedian Ayo Makun also known as A Y, has shaken the hornets’ nest and please do not sympathise with him if he gets stung by them. End of announcement.
A Y drew first blood last week at the open air section of O’jez when on sighting T4T asked if he was on the verge of releasing his debut album (can’t recall telling A Y, I was into music). Why did A Y ask that kind of question? It was because of the simple fact that T4T has decided to keep his hair. Perhaps the now plenty hair reminded him of one of the nation’s hip hoppers. Anyway, for having that effrontery to take a swipe on T4T, the above public announcement has been issued because he who carries salt never wishes for rain.
Over K.O.K’s Dead Body
LAST week I promised that you will be given up to date information on how Nollywood star and ‘president’ of the Actors Guild of Nigeria, AGN, Kanayo O. Kanayo hopes to wriggle out of the entrapment by former president, Ejike Asiegbu. A day after the new president of AGN, another Nollywood star Segun Arinze held his maiden press briefing, K.O.K, gathered the media and announced that “over his dead body” will he relinquish power to anybody. He vowed to ‘crush’ any opposition (the typical Abacha style), who wants to take the crown he has grown to love within the period of just two months on the alleged ‘interim capacity’. There is an Abacha in all of us, na dia I talk reach o o.
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