Teeth 4 Teeth

BY JUSTIN AKPOVI-ESADE

Lancelot Imasuen’s got a ‘bodyguard’
NOLLYWOOD director, Lancelot Imasuen, perhaps now moves about with a bodyguard. If not how would you explain what happened at GTB on Bank Anthony Road, Ikeja on Tuesday, January 19 at about 1.16pm? T4T went to the bank close to Sheraton Hotels & Towers to withdraw his tachere money and whom did he see on the long queue other than our dear Lancelot? He was wearing a rather weird designer white shirt over a pair of baggy Jean trousers. Lancelot was chewing what appeared to be a piece of kolanut that hot afternoon. T4T waited on the sideline for a slip (as if Lancelot wan fall down). None came. So as T4T made to sneak away, Lancelot ‘caught’ him. Trust the Edo State native; he never misses any opportunity to lament the state of the movie industry. It took another 20 minutes before one could run away from the dude and as T4T made to go through those funny doors of the bank, a smiling Johnny Walker, the comedian that also never misses a chance to crack a joke accosted him. He proudly announced that he came with Lancelot. That struck a chord in T4T. So, Walker is now Lancelot’s ‘bodyguard’? Or was the money he came to withdraw so much that he needed extra security? He should have hired one of those loud, lousy bullion vans! Anyway, this piece of information is for your consumption only, no be say you go dey go dey tell pipu say I talk say Lancelot don get bodyguard o.

... Still on Johnny Walker
LATER that evening, T4T ran into Johnny Walker at O’jez. He was sitting with Nollywood star, Ejike Asiegbu. T4T sat close to them. Minutes later, foods and drinks began to arrive the table like it was raining. Then Walker became agitated, he was not sitting at a vantage position, so, it was an uphill task for him to get a fair share of the goodies. Typical of Niger Deltans, he protested and when nobody listened to him, he moved his seat close to comedy actor, Victor Osuagwu. He began to enjoy like others and you needed to see the smile on his face. There is nothing like free dinner and drinks.

Help, Sonny Mcdon can’t send SMS!
DO you know that Nollywood star, Sonny Mcdon, cannot send simple telephone SMS? You now know anyway. The actor last week sent T4T an SMS, and it came blank. I was curious, perhaps that particular mobile phone company that is fast gaining notoriety for network problems, has started again, so, I thought. Then hours later, I saw his missed call which was followed with another blank text message. Trust T4T, he became curious. Days later, after the two had talked and T4T had asked Mcdon to send some information to him, he got yet another blank SMS. Then the nickel dropped, Sonny Mcdon can’t send an SMS! T4T confronted him on the matter and he smiled and waved it away. See what our stars are? Well, thank God there is a T4T who continuously tells you what these people do and who they truly are. Dis T4T na wa o, hmm.

Opa Williams’ got five generators!
HAVE you been to comedy merchant Opa Williams’ office on Sam Sonibare Street, Surulere, Lagos, recently? Please do and you will be amazed because Ose as he is fondly called is a living testimony of a failed nation. Opa has five power generating sets! T4T counted three yellow generators and two red ones last week Thursday. And sadly, Opa was overheard asking someone to find out for him the price of a giant generator from a particular company that people have accused of being the mafia behind the poor public power supply (how, I do not know). Dear President Yar Adua, you see what you are doing to people like Opa Williams? Soon, someone will mistake his office for a generator warehouse and one day ask the price for one of his yellow ones. To God be the glory sha.

... As Ejike Asiegbu goes to school
FORMER president of Actors Guild of Nigeria, Ejike Asiegbu, as you are reading this, may have travelled to Enugu State to begin a crash course on how to fix mobile phones, especially barring calls from some particular persons (there are so many enemies in Nollywood now). He was so worked up on how to bar a particular number that had been pestering him for quite some time last week at a popular hangout, and then he recalls that Chinedu, one of the Aki and Paw Paw duos, had taught him in the past. So, he pulled a call across to the pint size fella (don’t know whether he is the Aki or Paw Paw anyway). The midget ran him through the process, but long after they had talked, Ejike was still battling with his phone. Someone suggested he took a flight to Enugu (where the midget actor lives) and take a two-week course. He bought the idea, so do not be surprised when you run into the giant actor at the local wing of the airport and he tells you he is coming from Enugu. You don’t need to ask him what he went for.

Osuagwu eats a baby whale
COMEDIAN, Victor Osuagwu, popularly called Man Na Mumu, and a friend on Tuesday, ate a grilled fish that could pass for a baby whale! The waiter at the popular hangout in National Stadium, Surulere, had a difficult time ferrying the fish from the kitchen to Osuagwu’s table that evening. To add to her woes, the waiter brought it with chips. Victor and his fair-complexion friend settled down to demolish the whale-like fish and T4T noticed that it took them barely 15 minutes to down the giant grilled fish! Geez, that was fast. Even Usain Bolt was not as fast as the duo when he broke the world record and became the fastest man. Victor, friend, keep it up but remember that there is a portion in the bible that condemns unwise eating and gluttony abi?