Teeth 4 Teeth

BY JUSTIN AKPOVI-ESADE

Tuvie James Is A ‘Star’
T4T was tired and wanted to retire for the night, but as he got to the glass doors of O’jez, he ran into Nollywood actor, James Tuvie and another fringe actor — who is always seen playing robber and thug in most films. They both stood trying to look through the door as T4T got there. He overheard the glorified waka pass actor say to Tuvie “any star inside?”. That got T4T’s attention, who stepped aside to see how the mini drama would play out. Tuvie looked hard through the glass door, and with a shrug —which means, there was no known star inside that would make them go in that evening — they both walked away. Hmmm, the import of this little story is that, most ‘stars’ would not want to sit where their fellow stars are not seated. They do not want to mingle with ‘common’ people like us. That is good, because there is even a popular adage that says, ‘birds of the same feathers, flock together.” But wait o, if one will excuse Tuvie (at least he can be called a ‘star’), what about the other waka pass guy? A butterfly sometimes think it is a bird… Na dia I talk reach o.

... As Chuma Blows Hot
EXPECTEDLY, ‘sacrificed’ General Secretary of the Actors Guild of Nigeria, Chuma Onwudiwe, has intensified efforts to reclaim his mandate. Saw the comedy actor on Agbonyin Avenue, Surulere, Lagos holding court with some people who call the shots in Nollywood. As T4T drove his tuke tuke past the group standing close together on the street by Chuma’s car, no one needed to be told what the meeting was all about. Chuma was as usual spitting venom from his mouth (the way he gesticulated, and facial expression said it all) and the other three people (names withheld) were listening with rapt attention. Chuma is strategising and soon, he will strike back as he had promised. T4T hailed him as he drove by, he barely saw me. Dis mata strong pass as I tink!

Femi Wright... The Puzzle
THE puzzle one is trying to solve at the moment was what Yoruba yellow paw paw actor Femi Wright was doing on Irapada Church Street, Itire, on New Year’s day very early in the morning. The tall huge actor, spotting a green short and a baseball cap drawn down his face, perhaps to shield his identity, walked with a fellow who was exhibiting all his swagger ( e easy to waka wit actor?). T4T was minding his business (as if im go mind anoda peson own) when he saw the actor walking suspiciously, his face down even with the baseball. When he got to Mutairu end of Irapada, he was hailed by some touts, he just waved back and hurried off. T4T who was trailing him all this while (dis T4T get work so?), saw that he was still walking with no intention of stopping, so I stopped. Next time, we would find out where he got to, but one still needs an answer to where he was coming from that early? Does he live around that place? No, because that is T4T’s lair, so bros must have grooved from New Year’s eve and passed the night in that area. He is a real responsible family man! Na talk i talk o.

Sonny MacDon’s Snow White
RECALL the story of Snow white and the seven dwarves? Yes, then take your mind to how white her gown is... fine, that is how whitish Nollywood actor Sonny MacDon’s beards are now! This piece is authoritative. Met MacDon on O’jez staircase and I was almost tempted to fall into a shock, thinking I had run into Prof. Wole Soyinka. In fact, MacDon will beat Prof hands down if they ever decide to compete for the whitest bia bia. I told MacDon so and he was quick to remind me that a bearer of salt does not wish for rain to fall. Well, I don’t understand him because I have no grey hairs and it does not run in my family, so Mr. MacDon, I am not a bearer of any salt, whether in a bag or poly bag.

Leo’s New Status
SINCE Nollywood star Leo Mezie came back from Abia State where he took other Nollywood stars to see the state governor, his status has improved tremendously. Leo was the first to offer T4T a drink and food at O’jez days after he returned from the profitable trip. I have seen Leo on two occasions with his wife-to-be, downstairs at O’jez where he proudly announced that he was going upstairs to get FISH (emphasis his). Hmmm, Leo left his Maryland home to Surulere to get fish? You see the life of a big boy? When I grow up, I will like to be like Leo Mezie!

Rachael Oniga Dears... Sorry, Dares Them
NOLLYWOOD actress Rachael Oniga is one woman I respect in the movie world. She is good at what she does, no doubt, but what on earth was going on inside her when she made a big grammatical blunder in a movie I was watching on Hi Nolly? Rachael proudly announced in one of her lines when she was scolding her daughter: “How dear you?” I guess Mama Rachael meant to say, “How dare you?”