TEETH 4 TEETH

BY JUSTIN AKPOVI-ESADE

Patrick Doyle’s now a ‘hustler’
ACTOR, TV personality Patrick Doyle is now a hustler. This news is authoritative and it came from the horse’s (sorry, Doyle’s) mouth. The giant of a man that alighted from the plane and was no doubt the biggest human being walking on the tarmac of the desolate Calabar Airport could only be Patrick Doyle. His trademark suit and un-tucked long sleeves shirt completed the identification. Time was about 9.30am. T4T took note. Then at exactly 5pm on the same day (Monday, November 30), T4T ran into Doyle again in the departure wing of the same airport. He could not resist the temptation to ask about this newfound energy. Doyle confided in T4T that he had left everything entertainment, and that he now hustles. Well, only the actor can define his kind of hustling, but be sure that as soon as we find out, you will be the first to know why Doyle will wake up so early (at his age) and fly to Calabar and return that same day.

... Still on P. D.
IN case the P. D gets you confused, it simply means Patrick Doyle. All was well since the Arik plane took off from Calabar at about 6pm that fateful day. But that could not be said of the situation, when it eventually landed in Lagos. I think the pilot in charge of that flight needs a crash course on how to land a plane. Captain Philips, I guess, practically slammed down the plane with a heavy thud on the tarmac. In fact, the little kulikuli T4T and others ate nearly came through the mouth and nose as all passengers were jolted. T4T took a peep at P.D in the darkened bowel of the plane. His countenance will make a good act in a Nollywood film where someone just saw a ghost. Well, bros, hustler dey see many tins, I hope you don redy? Na part of the experience wey dey make am sweet be dat.

Keke and I D Ogungbe: Money Is Good
TELEVISION/entertainment brothers, Kenny and I D Ogungbe, are big boys, in fact, ‘bigger boys’; if not, how would you explain a situation where the two brothers arrived at a function in a twin Range Rover (some say 2010 models), same white colour and when they wanted to leave, I D (the younger, Ogungbe) was confused about the identity of his Range Rover. I D stood for minutes contemplating, which one was his car among the two machines parked some metres apart! He finally found his. The import of this story is that money is good. When I grow up, Keke, ID, I wish not to identify my car among two identical cars. At the moment, T4T’s tuke tuke stands out among all others, with bent fenders, broken side mirrors etc. To God be the glory!

Emeka Enyiocha’s Unpatriotic 2
YOU needed to see Nollywood star, Emeka Enyiocha, last Sunday as he stepped into O’jez. He was a moving Chelsea billboard. From his jersey, baseball cap, belt buckle and wristband, Emmy boy, was all Blues. Reason: Chelsea some minutes eralier whipped college boys, Arsenal. His swagger was 100 per cent. Good, recall the last time I told you how Emeka went to Russia to watch Chelsea fall to Manchester United at the Champions League finals? He was happy with himself, but the truth is, Emmy is an unpatriotic Nigerian star. He should be spotting the jerseys of local clubs such as Enyimba, Wikki Tourists, Kano Pillars etc. Madam Akunyili, please ensure you take the rebranding Nigeria campaign to Emeka’s home.

Eedris ‘Jagajaga’ Is Back?
NEWSPAPERS have been awash with the imminent return of self-styled king of hip-hop in Nigeria, Eedris Abdulkarim, to the music scene. Since the rap act fought American music star, 50 Cent, over a plane’s first class seat some years ago, his career went on self-destruct. From major concerts he was playing, he began to feature at colleges’ beauty pageants. Some people actually claimed things were so tough he was playing at local beer parlours! But he repented and begged 50 Cent at a show in Abuja where the American told him to ‘go and sin no more’.
But the closure he expected did not come. However, reports have it that he has finished a hit album that may surpass his Jagajaga album. I am therefore appealing on behalf of Eedris to concert organisers (the big ones o) to please see Eedris as a prodigal son and try him out again. He has promised not to fight anyone over anything, not even over a seat at pubs or peppersoup joint. In fact, if he is given another chance, he is ready to sit near the toilet of the plane (attachment); so far he arrives at the venue and performs. He has learnt his lessons and that portion of the bible that talks about humility is Eedris’ favourite read now God is great.

See What Marriage Has Done To Bovi!
MULTI-TALENTED comedian and actor, Bovi, was a thin man when he finished school and became a comedian. Even as he climbed to become one of the nation’s best at the moment, he remained thin. Then suddenly, he took a wise decision to get married (his detractors said he was making too much money) some months ago. T4T did not nearly recognise Bovi when he walked into the popular hangout at the National Stadium on Sunday; some minutes after unpatriotic Emeka Enyiocha came in. His face is getting fuller. He was looking like one who just left the fattening room without completing his course. On enquiry from some of his detractors, they claimed marriage was responsible for his present robust state.
Very good Bovi, but remember you are just some few months into the life race of marriage, naim you be like dis so? Wetin dem Ali Baba, Okey Bakassi and other comedians wey don marry since for don be na. Advice. Remember the advice wey dem giv Thunder Balogun: ‘Remember your left.’

... As A Y Goes To Ikorodu
WHOEVER gave ace comedian A Y the advice to relocate to Ikorodu is a wicked person. T4T was shocked to hear that A Y had left his Surulere, Lagos apartment to a mansion in Ikorodu. Even if one was given an estate, he needs to think properly before leaving Lagos to that suburb. But A Y did not think, he was shown the mansion and he sped off with his family. My prayers now is not for A Y to see a good estate in Ore, Ondo State later and decide to move there so he would be coming to do business in Lagos. By then, he will need a helicopter. Traffic hold up will take A Y’s eyes to see pepper in that Ikorodu. He did not learn from Opa Williams’ experience, who finished his mansion in Okokomaiko area of Lagos, and moved from his Surulere home. The number of times he sleeps in Surulere because Okoko road is blocked cannot be counted. We will keep you posted.

Basket Mouth Loses Dad
COMEDIAN Bright Okpocha popularly called Basket Mouth lost his dad. He was buried on Saturday. This is on a sad note, but Basket, don’t worry, all is well. At least, two of us n