TEETH 4 TEETH

BY JUSTIN AKPOVI-ESADE

Bash Ali On The March Again
IF anybody deserves the award of never-say-die, it is the ageless boxer, Bash Ali. For nine years now, Bash has been on one project –– putting his name (and that of Nigeria) in the Guinness Book of World record as the oldest boxer to ever win a world champion fight! Nigerians heaved a sigh of relief when shortly before the exit of former President Olusegun Obasanjo, he was seen with Bash on TV exchanging friendly blows with huge boxing gloves. Many thought the much-awaited fight would hold that year, two years on, no end in sight for dear ‘ol’ Bash. The saddest part of it all is that the boxer is not getting any younger. Please dear President Yar ‘Adua, come to the rescue of Baba Bash so that Nigerians and the boxer will rest once and for all. Bash, according to a reliable source, was sighted in the US looking disheveled. His savannah grassland hair is fast becoming a Sahara desert and he is losing weight, the source said. Please Baba Go Slow, hasten up things to sponsor Baba Bash’s fight make we witness am for our lifetime. God will bless you. But wait, na Walter Weight division Bash dey sef, no be Heavy Weight o o, hmmm.

Don Jazzy’s Bodyguards
NIGERIANS are generally believed to be envious people (na believe I talk o), so, naturally, when they see their fellow countryman making some progress in life, they put on their envy caps and tongues will start wagging. That is the only way to describe the situation hip-hop act, Don Jazzy, may have found himself at the moment. There is this rumour that Jazzy, the ogbodu of Mo Hits crew, now moves about with a retinue of wide-chested bodyguards. So, if you feel that the walking-stick wielding Don is your pal from primary school and you sighted him on the street and wants to get close to say ‘hi’, please have a rethink or else you may lose a tooth. Jazzy, carry go, having bodyguards is part of the showbiz game; if 50 Cent dem wey be small pikins dey guard body, you wey be agbalagba nko? But remember your left (na dat warning Thunder Balogun wife give am dat time o) cos na Naija you dey o. Na family affair dem dey take do am for here. If to say people like dem Felix Liberty, Alex O, Mike Okri and even Daddy Showkey take bodyguards pursue people from dem bodi, how e for be now? Peson no dey reign for eva! A word is enough...

Jay Jay Okocha: The Hip Hop Act?
THIS may come to you as a shocker, because shock was what I got when I heard it. Midfield maestro, former captain of the Super Eagles (when they were still Super o) and Bolton Wanderers of England, Jay Jay Okocha is now into music. If you refute this story, how would you explain the inclusion of Jay Jay’s name in the line up of artistes billed to perform at a concert in Abuja recently? The radio advert for days mentioned the retired footballer’s name among other Nigerian artistes, so, it got us wondering, is bros Jay Jay now an artiste? In Nigeria, anything can happen. At least Nigeria’s defender Taribo and Liberia’s George Weah tried their hands on music, maybe its Jay Jay’s turn. I can’t wait to hear the debut album. With that Jay Jay voice like a mother frog so, I am sure na only Nkechi (his wife) and very close family members will buy the album out of family love. Advice for bros Jay Jay: look before you... (fill in the blank spaces).

The Lecturer’s Second Coming
RECALL petit comedian Lecturer? Yes, the Akute-based comedian who ‘travels’ to Lagos anytime he has little business in town (Akute is seven hours plus traffic, to Lagos metropolis). Last Sunday, he did his yearly comedy show; Comedy 101 at Akute and reports said he broke even this time. Well, the last time he organised the show, it was rumoured he bought a duplex immediately after, we are waiting for the new thing he will acquire this time around but I must say, it must be a car. Why? The comedian certainly needs a car because he has won several awards as the Best Customer of Governor Fashola’s BRT buses. Bros, you don try, you have sowed BRT for too long, now you must reap your private car. Somebody say Amen to that.

Fatai Rolling Dollar’ Sun Glasses
VETERAN highlife musician, Fatai Rolling Dollar, is a strong man; in fact, he should have been the cast for the Guinness’ Michael Power advertisement that time, because he is strong. How else will you describe an 83-year-old baba still jumping up and down on stage playing hit songs? Or somebody who has the capacity to wear dark sun glasses even at 10pm? Ran into baba Rolling Dollar at O’jez last week at about 9pm with his goggles plastering his eyes. How he manages to move about amazes one. But only a Fatai can do that. Carry go baba, won kere si number.

Johnny Walker’s Loud
UP COMING comedian, Johnny Walker, is a loud person and like one of his detractors said, he is an attention seeker. It was at O’jez and Nigerian Super Eagles, sorry, Super Chickens were sweating as they tried to score their Mozambican counterparts. While most patriotic Nigerians were sitting shell-shocked as the game drew to a goalless end, Johnny Walker was busy talking and dishing out dry jokes that nobody wanted to hear at that time. His voice was so loud that he became an irritant. In fact, he was running a different commentary on the match. When Obinna Nsofor finally scored, Walker spotting a red shirt over a pair of black trousers jumped and raced towards the door of the celebrity restaurant screaming on top of his voice. Dear Johnny, your mates like Basket Mouth and even small Lecturer dey thrill people for big stage, you dey O’jez dey give unsolicited humour. If na Obasanjo time, na clap and shout of Ole oooooo, dem for take pursue you comot dia. Na luck you get, I swear.

Chris Nwaokobia’s Travails
CONTROVERSIAL activist and human rights/entertainment lawyer, Dr. Chris Nwaokobia, needs help; and this piece of information is authoritative. Chris was sitting on the same table with T4T at the celebrity hangout some days ago. They sat at the Smoking Area where Chris was busy burning cigarette and choking T4T as they discussed, (as if T4Tna saint). One noticed that Chris was uncomfortable with the plastic chair he was sitting on. The legs of the chair were giving way gradually, until he got up and added another chair to the one he was sitting on. Well, the implication of this story is that Chris has added so much weight that a chair can no longer take him. The word Gym is alien to Chris as the case may be and he just can’t stay away from booze and Cuban cigar. Bros, you dey see wia you dey go so?

Mathias Obahiagbon’s Style
MOVIE director, Mathias Obahiagbon, is a man of style, booze style I mean. Anytime you ran into the Edo State-born moviemaker, look close and count thick sweat beads running down his face. That is a sure sign that Matty Boy has been boozing for God knows how long. Ran into him at a new joint of celebrities on Oyekan Street, Surulere, with his soul mate, Obi Osotule recently at about 7pm. As at when T4T left at 9pm, Matty, producer Ifeanyi Dike and Obi, were just settling down for more booze. Please, when next you run into Mathias, look closely for the tell-tale evidence of sweat, you will understand his present condition. Dis T4T na Doctor sef?