A whisperer’s monologue

BY WOLE OGUNTOKUN
I HAD the opportunity to spend time in a conversation with a good-looking young woman a few days ago.
As I looked at her, I thought of the ways men and women undo themselves, caring (and loving?) for the sake of what is on the outside, the beauty, the articulation, the poise, seldom the character or the staying power.
The Whisperer does not say this because he lacks poise or articulation or good looks. Quite the opposite, he might add, as even his detractors must admit.
But still, as humans, we seem pre-programmed only to look skin-deep, never below the surface, where true beauty lies, and sometimes danger.
Danger, because it is only when you go down and under that you are able to tell if the person you are with, will make or mar your future.
It’s just a relationship, the less-sceptical will say. What’s just having a relationship got to do with your future?
Everything, The Whisperer submits. We meet people all the time and they are either adding to us or removing from us.
Look to those who will radiate heat back to you the same way you give off heat, never look to the person who will be a drain, and they are many out there.
So, The Whisperer sat studying the young woman and discovered she was a serious painter as well, and that scored her well in his books.
We meet many people who exist only on their looks like the ex-beauty queen who once told me she expected to be taken care of by men. Her philosophy was simple. ‘I am beautiful so you will pay to have the pleasure of my companionship.’
Extra-ordinary way of thinking. But not this beautiful painter, apparently, and The Whisperer was suitably impressed.

THE Whisperer is at crossroads in his life at the moment, in so many areas. Often, these days, he sits and thinks of love, of beauty that has come and that has gone, of family, of true friends and the lack of that and the true meaning of life.
He understands like Shakespeare wrote that there is a tide in the affairs of men, a tide you must catch and if you lose that wave as it comes surging in, you will forever be trapped in shallow waters.
He is fairly certain that he has caught his tide and he has escaped shallow waters in many areas of his life but still he cannot help but feel pain for those who still flounder.
As I stood to purchase a box of weetabix last night, I looked at the tall gangling young man attending to me, aged maybe a little over twenty.
The sadness seemed to radiate from somewhere deep within this young man and I winced as if struck with a blow. That was how palpable it was. I wanted to show him sunny fields and tell him, ‘the world is yours, use it as you will, learn to laugh and shake of this thing that seems to bow your shoulders’.
His father sat to one side in a distant part of the ‘chemist’, reading some literature under a naked, dimly lit bulb in the semi-darkness while his younger sister sat nearby. She did not appear so sad but I could not take my eyes off the young man.
It is The Whisperer’s curse that he must feel extremes of pain and pleasure, and often, like a radio, he picks signals where others might not. The signals are not always pleasant and often, there is little one can do about the situation.
A while back, The Whisperer had a conversation with another young man who worked for him, good-looking by many standards but lacking in self-confidence.
I opened the pages of a glossy magazine and showed all the beautiful women there, then told him — ‘There isn’t one of these women who is better than you.’ Often, we are the ones who consider ourselves unworthy. Unworthy of attention, of love and of happiness.
They say, the problem is not that we ask for too much, but often, we are ready to settle for too little. We do not think we deserve good things, and there are many people who are not where they should be today because they do not believe they deserve to be there.
We pay lip-service saying we want these things, and make the proper ‘confessions as well, but deep down in our hearts, we really think we are unworthy.
It takes a mind-set; strength of purpose and a continuous declaration to yourself that you deserve the best in life and you intend to get and keep those trappings that constitute the best.
Never forget no one can make you feel inferior without your consent and like Lincoln once said, no one can write on your back unless you bend it.

SO, The Whisperer stands today and remembers the girl he used to know that has become a woman now but in so many ways still retains so many aspects of her childhood that makes her so endearing to him and he calls out to her and says, do not let any man short-change you. Let no one serve you your pounded yam in small portions.
You are a Queen, a true example that some are born great. Remember who you are if others around you forget, and do not settle for less than you deserve.
Let no man think he does you a favour by being with you, you are beautiful inside and out and The Whisperer will always be your friend.
And to all the women who are out there, remember that little girls will become lasses and they in turn will become young ladies confident of themselves.
And they will get older and become mothers and grandmothers as sure as day must turn to night, but the things that will stand the test of time are not the looks, or the clothes or the cut of hair.
The thing that will remain with you is the beauty you have on the inside, the goodness that radiates from you, and the happiness you are able to share. And to all of you too, I say, let no one serve you your pounded yam in small portions.
laspapi@yahoo.com