BY WOLE OGUNTOKUN
ONCE, a while back, The Whisperer ran into a lot of trouble. A girl that would have been better suited on the set of The Jerry Springer Show walked into his life and disrupted proceedings for a while. Wait, that isn’t absolutely correct.
The Whisperer allowed her into his life, eyes wide open and got a little more than he bargained for.
When he attempted a rapid retreat, she went ballistic and showed a nature better suited for creatures that walk on four legs. She hounded him, attempted to blackmail his friends, would sometimes go bi-polar and then make the effort to become friends again, appear ‘normal’ for a while and soon after, swing the other way.
Reads too wild to be true? It is. All of it. A lackey she got on her side through the subtle threat that she would reveal secrets told her about that person (yes, this one fought dirty) would literarily come on the web-page where The Whisperer blogged and howl, “Karma!!!”
The insinuation was that the law of Karma would return to bite The Whisperer in the behind for waking up to the fact that he was seeing the wrong person.
WHAT is this law of Karma and what does it portend for those who are reckless with other people’s hearts?
Off the top of my head (and this is a very loose definition), it means you will be paid back (and on this earth before you pass away) for all the good and the evil you have done.
Like a sword of Damocles, your sins are ever before you, they have long shadows and there will be payback time, somewhere, somehow.
I interrupted the writing of this article to confer with my assistant, Busayo Makinwa, about retribution, payback and Karma. Busayo, who is usually one of the most cool-headed people you might have the opportunity of meeting, is a firm adherent of the idea that you always reap what you sow.
So I asked her, “where is the place of forgiveness in all this?” If I wrong you, does that mean I must live my life in fear, believing that in some way, like a lightning bolt out of the blue, or a boomerang with a firm purpose, Karma will spring from a clear, cloudless sky and dash me to the ground? I know that on this planet, someone is putting another at a disadvantage every second that passes so karma must be kept very busy.
Will this law of Karma come into effect if you promise to marry someone, both your families meet, everyone is happy for a while, but a few days to the tying of the knot, you get cold feet and say you’d rather stay single all the days of your life than spend another moment in that person’s company?
This decision may be the closest you will ever get to murder, because the pain of it will take the spurned partner to the gates of hell and back.
However, isn’t the pain you may cause this person in the short term a greater blessing than a marriage that has no heart in it? Will the law of karma have an adverse effect on a person who tells the truth?
THE Whisperer submits that it is not about how much pain one goes through in a relationship but about whether you are being true to yourself. In relationships, it is about both partners and their collective and individual happinesses.
Like they say, “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it is yours; if it doesn’t, it never was”. It looks like those who advocate karma would prefer the last sentence to be “if it doesn’t come back, hunt it down and kill it”.
Your need to have a particular person in your life should be made totally separate from the well-being of that person. It is not always all about you.
So Busayo and I debated Rahab the harlot’s motives in betraying the people of Jericho and whether she got her just deserts. According to Miss Makinwa, there are situations of greater good when the law of retribution will not come into effect. Exactly.
You owe yourself the mind-set that your joy does not stem from the validation of another. Your sense of completeness should not be directly proportional to the attention or lack of it that another gives you.
There are loads of people who have forgotten that “the best revenge is living well”. Instead, they pre-occupy themselves with gory pictures of the grisly end their ex-partners will someday come to.
This I find very interesting, because for some reason, the disciples of the law of karma never remember that someday and in many ways, they have done their own share of “wrong-ing”.
They allow a “ victim’s mentality” put them in a position where they are always offended and they find permanent positions before the altar of Karma praying for lightning to strike the people who have offended them.
WE must remember that an eye for an eye would only leave us all blind. If a person walks away from you in a relationship, it means the partnership wasn’t really as beautiful as you imagined.
You cannot compel another to love you all the days of your life. The very attempt to force love is the making of something grotesque, the creation of an entity that does not qualify to be called a relationship.
A relationship should not be based on pity, fear, or on total dependence. It should be between two people who complement each other, and not between a radiator on the one hand, and a drain on the other.
If someone decides to walk away from you, from a relationship in which you gave of yourself, your time and your passion, you must find the strength to shake the sand off yourself, rise to your feet and start again.
It’s a hard thing I ask? Yes it is, but would you rather be known as a survivor or as Gollum in “The Lord of the Rings” who skulked after “his precious”, a ring bestowed with magical powers, through the centuries?
THE Whisperer’s advice? If you’ve been spurned, shake it off, stomp on it, and rise a little higher. Start again with what you have and surprise the world. I have never seen an attractive, grovelling person. You must always remember that there’s no greater thing than your dignity.