TEETH 4 TEETH

BY JUSTIN AKPOVI-ESADE

Chuma’s Fish
NOLLYWOOD actor and new General Secretary of the Actors Guild of Nigeria, Chuma Onwudiwe, has discovered a new talent aside acting. T4T watched with mouth agape as Chuma devoured what could be termed a ‘baby whale’ at the celebrity hangout in National Stadium, Surulere, last Sunday. The actor walked in at about 7pm and took a seat near T4T who was with a friend (na frend I talk o o before people start getting ideas). In record time, he ordered a coke and ice. Under a minute he was done with the coke and demanded for the fish and a big bottle of water. When the steaming grilled fish arrived, many heads turned at the massive size. It covered a big tray. That fish could serve as dinner for four, but dear old Chume took it to the cleaners in less than 10 minutes. He ordered for another bottle of coke and sat back with a satisfied grin playing on his lips. Hmmm, that was real cool, but wait a minute, what did the bible say about unwise eating?

Ejike Asiegbu’s mobile phones
LAST week was a busy one for former president of the Actors Guild of Nigeria, Ejike Asiegbu, as he struggled to get used to life after AGN presidency. But that is not the issue. He has found a new vocation, knowing how mobile phones work! T4T ran into Ejike deeply engrossed with a lady at the celebrity hangout, they were bending over the actor’s three mobile phones. One after the other, the lady worked on the phones with Ejike grunting in approval. One found out that the lady was helping in making sure that the Internet in all the phones work. After she was done, Ejike thanked her and looked up smiling, “I can now check my emails on the move now.” Hmmm, so a whole former presido all this while was not checking his email on the move? So, he had to wait till a small girl comes to assist him in fixing his phones.... There are certain things wey suppose make old man shame small. Na dia I talk reach o o.

K.O.K, Now What ?
AFTER Ejike Asiegbu blindsided the AGN-led ‘executive’ of Nollywood actor, Kanayo O. Kanayo, also known as K.O.K, and held an election that saw Segun Arinze emerge as new president of AGN, some rumour mongers have gone to town alleging that K.O.K’s camp is in disarray. So many meetings are being held in the actor’s Surulere office and as it is now, the centre is falling apart. T4T will keep you updated as events unfold, but a close source said all efforts to bring in a veteran actor to make a pronouncement on the Segun Arinze election has failed. The actor who was a victim of some small boys who showed him the real side of life (different from the TV world) by kidnapping him recently, according to the source has refused to be drawn into the fray, claiming he was yet to recover from the shock of his real life experience. K.O.K, who has since graduated from interim committee chairman to ‘president’ of AGN, is planning to pull a joker. You will be the first to know.

Lolo’s got her groove back
NOLLYWOOD giantess Lolo refused a drink and her favourite Nkwobi (meat in oil sauce) offer from T4T last week at O’jez. Reason: T4T was not there to solidarise with her when she was re-contesting as AGN National Treasurer. She, however, recalled how she went the whole hog alone. Accept my sincere apologies Lolo, but remember that it is only the tree that wants noise bears fruits. Na ya hand you take carry soldier ants Lolo, naim make dem bite you well well. Anyhow sha, epele. The happy ending to the story anyway is that she won her position, so Lolo’s got her groove back.

Zulu, Nanke, Onwochie... The Three Musketeers
NOLLYWOOD stars Zik Zulu, Francis Nwochie and advertising/PR expert, Harry Nanke were sighted at the open air section of the celebrity at the National Stadium. Well, there is nothing wrong if this trio decided to hang out together (they have been doing that for long anyway), what was strange that evening was that, while Onwochei and Zulu drank soft drinks, Nanke was gulping a big bottle of a particular brand of stout that prides itself as ‘black’. On enquiry, Francis Onwochei claimed he had kicked the ‘bad’ habit of beer.T4T finds it hard to believe, further probe revealed that he was still fighting hard to keep his shape (which was reported to be going out of proportion). Recall you were told how Francis became so big, he was waddling instead of walking? So my advice to you bros is that if you are indeed watching your weight as you claimed, mineral water (that contains sugar) is not the right thing to drink (dis T4T na doctor o o). I am afraid, you have more years of waddling, sorry, walking, ahead of you.

Tari West, a publisher?
NOLLYWOOD director, producer and writer, Tari West, is an all rounder. There was a time she told T4T she was floating a church for celebrities, last week, she has a new project at hand; she is on the verge of producing a magazine that everybody can read, from mechanic to artistes and even touts. Plans are in top gear she revealed. Please, when next you see a bus conductor reading a magazine perched dangerously in his danfo, note that it must be Tari West’s magazine he is reading. To God be the glory!

Opa Williams’ All White
HAVE you seen comedy merchant, Opa Williams, lately? If you have not, please rush to his Surulere, Lagos office ASAP to behold the man with his hair all gray!
T4T was shocked when a man with a crown of gray hair welcomed him to Opa’s office. It took a while to realise that it was the same Opa that one was seeing. He was duly informed that his present condition will attract a mention in this column, he dared me to, but I am fulfilling my promise, that is why you are reading this piece. The debate now is, should Opa join the likes of proudly gray haired veterans such as Prof. Wole Soyinka, Amb. Segun Olusola etc in the Gray Haired Elders Club (who all have reasons to be gray haired anyway.)? The irony of it all is that, Ose as Opa is referred to, is less than 50 years!
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